Young Writers Society

**This is just something that floated to my head and I put it on paper... well, pixels, in about 10 minutes, so lots of C & C would be amazing **

She tilted her face up to meet his. They were standing the back alley of the coffee shop where she worked nights, his hands grasping her waist tightly as though he would never let go, could never let go.

Their bodies fitted together perfectly, nestled together they both seemed content. Peaceful. Until, in the dim half-light, she saw his face for the first time since he had called to her.

“What happened to you?” her fingertips flitted lightly over his bruised and battered face, “Are you alright?” She buried her face in his chest, stepping back quickly when he winced.

“What happened?” Delivered more angrily this time, the question had some force behind it, “Who did this to you?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing, we need to get back to work,” The brusque reply, as usual. Totally contrary to his body, however, the words he spoke could not deny to her the love felt in his body.

Curled protectively around her, as though he wished to shield her from any and all harm that might come her way. She stepped back further, voice rising, agitation growing.

“Why? Why again? So soon after last time…” Her voice broke on the last words as they left her mouth. Then the whisper,

“I don’t want to have to leave again.”

They stood together for a while, just holding each other tightly; framed in the light coming from nearby door, still standing ajar from her rush to meet him.

“Why?”

First to reply yess. K, I loved that, it was amzing in my opinion. It was descriptive, mysterious, and shall I say a little "smexy" if you will. I did not notice any thing wrong reading through, it, and I am not one for full extecive, word-for-word crit. so... But anyways I likes it, It was good. Some much packed into one little peice. Goodjob.

Ahh that was so good!

I loved how detailed it was, and how it was mysterious yet revealing all at the same time.

Good Job!(:

ooooooohh i likey! you need to write some more

I'm glad that you guys liked it so much it was mostly to get past my amazingly resistant writers block

hopefully the end is near

haha I'm having waaaaaay too much fun with smileys today....

This was great! The plot is somthing to figure out!!! Keep on going.

Thanks a lot got the crits, etc!

I'm not sure if I will continue this i'm working on my writers block, and plus I don't have the patience for more... *shame, shame*


haha

All right, this is the first time I'm critiquing with pictures, so let me know if this works! (It saves SO much time...)





EDIT: Just realized that the numbers came out. Just count the highlighted parts; the first one is one, the second is two, etc. Sorry!

Good. Mysterious, descriptive, decent dialogue, catching hook, and you left the reader wanting more. I liked it.

Freaky and mysterious!

Very mysterious and shall I say, a little alluring. There something about this that should catch people's attention right away. PM me if your going to write more.

This story pulled the reader in, like mouse in a trap. It was amazing, to say the least, but I think you could take this a few steps farther. If you develop the plot more, PM me, because I really want to read it

One last thing: your writing style is very sophisticated; you have nice verb choices, and stay away from the passive voice, which I always admire

Nice work!

By the way, I posted the (very rough draft!) second part of this story...

-Izzy

i really like how its discriptive, i've always been facinated with stories like that. It gives me the feel that im there, and i know exactly whats going on and how the character feels.
i like the direction this story is going in :]

good work!

may I ask what you thought of the second chapeter