Young Writers Society

My name is Tom smith, I’m a 14 year old kid who lives with his parents at a house in the suburbs of California.
I have A in English, B in math, and a C in Science. I guess you can say that I look pretty normal. 135 pounds, 5 feet 9 inch‘s tall, Brown hair and Blue eyes. Isn’t that normal for a kid?
I have a couple of semi friends, but my best friend is Sammy Pennington. She’s not british or anything. We knew each other since childhood and have been pretty good friends.
She has A in English, A in Math, And A in science. She’s pretty smart from this figure, But she has a normal appearance just like me. 125 pounds, 5 feet 9 inch’s tall, Brown hair and green eyes. Pretty weird combination right?
She saved my skin many times before. From when I was 5 I ran in front of a Ice cream truck to make it stop, she pushed me out of the way. And at 10 she saved my skin from a fight with 8 graders.
I guess you can say that my life is not that bad. But your asking where’s the excitement? Where do you get your blood pumping. That’s it. And I like it that way. And my life has been going normally for all this time.
That is, until I entered High school.

Hi,
I like it so far. There is not much to read though. Not much info. I don't think there is enough there to get where you are coming from. It was probably just an idea that you really liked so you posted it. Next time, wait until you have a little bit more then post it. Also, re-read it before posting. We can get more from it.

-steph

I agree with strawberrywine there really isn't much for the reader to go on, you seem to be listing what they do, I liked how you did the grades, on-purpose repetition is wonderful when used correctly.

So, in summary:

-Better spacing would be great, it's a lot easier for the reader to get the flow of the story when you separate it into distinct paragraphs

-Punctuation: "My name is Tom smith" gives the reader lower expectations right at the beginning

-Character development: you kind of gave us a profile on the characters but didn't really make us connect with them yet or really start to get attached to them

-Title: I have no idea how the title relates to the story and that irritates me, but that is just a personal pet peeve....

I'm sorry if that was too harsh, I don't want to kill your hopes and dreams or anything, just pointing out stuff that you could do to take this story up to the next level good luck!

Hi Ghost! I like the idea so far. I do agree with both strawberry and Izzy on the little amount of info and such things as that. Well anyways...this is a good start! Keep writing!

~LuLu~