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There's Something About Jerry



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Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:05 am
SASSYLADY333 says...



Part One cont…

The next day, Saturday, I was working at the Pizza Reef. I was wondering where Lola, my ex-best friend was. She and I always worked Saturday’s nine to three o’clock. Then again how could I expect that now? These days my friends were less and hard to find.

The Pizza Reef was downstairs in the food court of the mall, right in between Panda Express and The Great Potato which meant that our lines were always the shortest. Sometimes people would stand in the Pizza Reef line and then they’d look either left or right and decide to eat elsewhere. I don’t now what exactly about the Pizza Reef turns people away from it. Then again I guess it is kind of cheesy and who would like spinach and seaweed on their pizza?

However, I personally as a maker of the pizza love it, and since we are never truly busy, I get free pizza all the time. Except when my boss Pedro gets on me, I don’t know what he has against me. I work the hardest in this place and yet I see not even a little raise…after two years!

Then again Pedro had been more angry at Lola then at me, because he had to be! She was always late for work or always changing her schedule last minute, not to mention calling in sick a lot on Saturdays when Pedro knew she was shopping in the mall.

That’s exactly what she gets, for being a jerk to me. It to the point where finally Pedro started yelling at her a lot more than me. One thing’s for sure though not showing up today is really going to get her fired from here.

Plus today I’m at the register and I hate working at the register, someone from school always has something to say, or even worse what few friends I have seem to stop by. Besides that of course, all customers are irritating.

I constantly look back at Mike and Abby who were cleaning and making the pizza’s. They were eighteen year old twins with aubrun hair and rosy cheeks. Which such good looks I think they could both be in the movies.

“ Mike come on….please, please….let me trade with you.” I gave me my most distressed expression.

Mike was cleaning under the stove and he paused to look at me with his hair coming into his dark brown eyes. “ You know Pedro said you had to work the counter today, he gets pissed when you avoid it.”

“Argh, Abby. Come on.”

Abby smiled looking at me as she placed dough in a pan evening it out, “You’ve been here for two years and you still can’t handle the register?”

“You know how they bug me, they always bug me!” As this point I started to whimper like a sad little dog, and that always annoyed the twins.

“Then you should know to ignore it and get used to it…besides your good business.” Abby laughs and so does her brother.

I got really mad and turned around even though I knew she was right. And I wondered how long would it take Eric and Frank this time. Looking around at everyone in the food courts they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Everyone seemed to be having a good time….and here I was working again like every Saturday for the rest of my life.

Suddenly interrupting my thoughts I hear someone singing. Yes singing that was cut in and out with laughter. I recognized the voice though, it was Eric walking toward me hanging on to Frank as if he were drunk.

“ Happy Birthday buddy! Happy Birthday to fucking you! Happy . Happy Birthday to the Birthday boy!”

Frank had a sappy look on his face as Eric turned to hold him up as he kept pretending to almost fall. Finally they stood in front of the Pizza Reef counter.

“Can. I. Help. You.” I say my mouth tight wondering what they would say this time.

Eric cleared his throat, “ Uh, yeah thanks today is,” he began looking at Frank like with a smile, “ is his birthday.”

“Wow, freaking amazing, what do you want to eat?”

“No ,no no…” Eric said he paused to laugh. “ No, see I heard that here you guys reward birthdays.”

“Does this look like a fancy restaurant?”

“ Don’t compliment yourself!” Frank said to me.

“Yeah, we want to buy the Birthday reward special.” Eric continued.

I stared at them for a long time death in my eyes, but they just keep standing there smiling at me.

“ Okay and what’s that? What exactly did you hear about this ‘reward’?” I say with air quotes.

“ Well, um I hear you get service in bed.”

“What?” I could see where this was going.

“Yeah”, Frank began, “ For ten dolla an hour I hear you get a waitress named…”

Eric leaned forward looking at my name tag, “ Yeah a waitress named Cordelia in bed.”

I soon realized that a couple in line behind them was watching this whole ordeal and that they were considering leaving.

“ Look you little parasites, get the going and be gone. I’ve got work--”

“I bet you do.” Frank says.

“I’ve got work to do, so stop coming here and acting like little ass holes. Either order something or I will get you. Do you understand?”

Eric and Frank looked at me, “ Get us what?”

I reached under the counter and got the spraying hose.

Frank, “ Oh ,you mean get us ,get us…”

“Nice service we get here, on my friend’s birth--”

He spoke to soon as I sprayed him in the mouth and all over his shirt, he fell down and couldn’t get up because he kept slipping. Then Frank looked at me and then ran. Eric soon followed, running after him.

“Hey asshole wait for me!”

I stepped from behind the counter and wiped up the water, then I went back to the register. I smiled at the couple in line.

“ May I take your order?”

But they suddenly took a interest in Panda Express and walked away from the Pizza Reef. And, honestly, I don’t blame them.

“Cordelia!” I heard the sharp angry voice of Pedro behind me.

I turned around and smiled, “ Oh, hi Pedro!”

“ Do you think you could do this for me?: He began touching his mustache sarcastically, continuing in his thick Dominican accent. “ Do you think you could stop being a little bitch and stop attacking the freaking costumers?”

“ Okay, fine. But I told you how I feel about you cussing at me.”

After I said that he had few pleasant words to say to me…and it seemed my time at the register would never end. And then I saw them….those girls. All coming down the escalator with their shopping bags, this time no cute boys in tow. And Lola with her freshly dyed hair , a red head now. She laughed with them and acted so…not the Lola I knew. Eventually the girls made their way over to the Pizza Reef.

“ Hi, can I take your order?” I say with the biggest and brightest smile I could which I knew or at least I think would get to Lola. The idea that her best friend maybe didn’t need her; maybe I got by with my friends from Barnes and Nobles. Maybe I didn’t need her.

Looking at Lola she didn’t seem the least bit affected, like she didn’t even know me. Like she wasn’t supposed to be here behind this counter with me right at this second.

“ Um…yeah…let’s see can I have five extra small pizza’s no grease but cooked in soy. No extra sauce and no topping but some parmesan.”


I looked at Shelly Peton, I really had nothing against her but she was so surreal. “ Sure, anything else?”

“No, just remember soy , not grease.”

“Alright,” I said ringing up the bill, “ That will be 15.96 plus tax.”

Shelly paid from her own wallet as her friends went to sit down. I looked at Lola but she wouldn’t make eye contact. As I placed in the order I couldn’t stop looking over there.

Eventually Lola noticed and she started whispering to her friends…And I knew they were talking about me. What they were saying couldn’t have been anything good. Once their order was up I called out their numbers and Lola walked over a head of everyone else.

“ Um excuse me, “ she said.

“What Lola?” I noticed her knew posy coming up closer to hear as they grabed their meals.

“Um, I notice you keep staring at me.”

I could not believe her…

“ Well I didn’t mean to--”

I was about to explain to her what a bitch she was being but she totally turned it around on me.

“Yeah, well I’m not a lesbian and I notice you keep staring at me at school. I really like you people, I respect you but really you can’t harass me like that.”

“What in the--”

“ I really think that if you apologize and promise to stop, I won’t be a bitch about it. And in the locker rooms don’t watch me change.”

I nearly had a heart attack right then and there, I wanted to choke her! I wanted to shout things at her…

“You’re the one!!! Who, who--”

“That’s what I thought.” Then she walked away with her little clique.

And I just stood there shocked, Lola. And she… She just…

I don’t know why but at the moment I was so upset. I mean the whole thing was ridiculous, but I just knew after her little friends left she would come to work at the counter and talk to me like nothing had ever happened. My own best friend suddenly my worst enemy and that was my life now.

It was only 11:50 but I clocked out early and left.
Last edited by SASSYLADY333 on Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Sat Dec 22, 2007 10:44 pm
Dr. Jamie Bondage says...



1. The Pizza Reef was downstairs in the food court of the mall, right in between Panda Express and The Great Potato. Which meant that our lines were always the shortest.

Combine these sentences.

2.Expect when my boss Pedro gets on me, I don’t know what he has against me.

Expect should be Except.

3.Then again Pedro had been more angry at Lola then at me lately. Because he had to be she was always late for work or always changing her schedule last minute. Not to mention calling in sick a lot on Saturdays when Pedro knew she was shopping in the mall.

This can all be combine. Try this: "Then again Pedro had been more angry at Lola then at me lately, because he had to be! She was always late for work or always changing her schedule last minute, not to mention calling in sick a lot on Saturdays when Pedro knew she was shopping in the mall."

4.oday I’m at the register and I hate working at the register. Because someone from school always has something to say, or even worse what few friends I have seem to stop by.

Combine.

5. Besides that, of course all customers are irritating.

Comma after course.

6.I constantly looked back at Mike and Abby who were cleaning and making the pizza’s. They were both twins, both eighteen. They both had aubrun hair and full cheeks I think they could both be in the movies.

Too many boths! Just use a few! Not more than one would be preferable.

7. And to honest I don’t blame them.

And, honestly, I don't blame them.

This is good! Hope I helped! XD

Jamie Bondage.
"This kind of love is not a product of reasonings and statics--it just comes-none knows whence-and can't explain itself. And doesn't need to." Mark Twain
  





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Sun Dec 23, 2007 1:05 am
SASSYLADY333 says...



That was very helpful, thank you!




p.s.- I thought there was something choppy about it...
  





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Sun Feb 17, 2008 10:32 am
Aly_Tobias says...



I work the hardest in this place and yet I see not even a little raise…after two years!


Oh the injustice of working at a mall! :roll: I'm sorry, I just had to, it was so tempting.

“ Uh, yeah thanks today is,” he began looking at Frank like with a smile, “ Is his birthday.”


That sould be a lower-cased "i" in "is" since you're continuing a thought (taken from the fact that you used a comma instead of a period before that dailouge).

“ Do you think you could go this for me, “ He began touching his mustache sarcastically. “ Do you think you could stop being a little bitch and stop attacking the freaking costumers?”


Does he have an accent? Is that why there are problems with his english speaking abilities? Just wondering because "Do you think you could go this for me" isn't right. It could be, "Do you think you could do this for me" or something along those lines. Also you could change the period at the end of "He began touching his mustache sarcastically" into a comma, it would make it flow better if you did.

I looked at Shelly Peton, I really had noting against her but she was so surreal. “ Sure, anything else?”


You forgot the "h" in "nothing".

“Yeah well I’m not a lesbian and I notice you keep staring at me at school. I really like you people , I respect you but really you can’t harass me like that.”


Ok first you put an extra space between people and the comma, just wanted to point that out.

Secondly....oh that bitch! If I was Cordelia I would have reached across that counter and slapped Lola! They used to be best friends and then the girl calls her a lesbian just to make herself look cool in front of a stupid clique? That's just wrong. (Although it adds depth to the story and is a nice little twist so I love that you put that in there.)

I don’t know why but at the moment I was so upset , I knew after her little friends left she would come to work at the counter and talk to me like nothing had ever happened. My own best friend suddenly my worst enemy.
It was only 11:50 but I clocked out early and left.


Another extra space between "upset" and a comma. And combine sentences one and two or at least change sentence two because it's a fragment.
Crime of the century....[yet to be committed]
  





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Wed Mar 05, 2008 3:28 pm
summergrl13 says...



Oh ouch! I would have backslapped that girl all the way to next Friday! Good story, very gripping. It's one of the stories you just can't stop reading! Keep writing!
I will review for you! PM about it if you need one!


Come check out my new story at topic53543.html
  








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