There’s a flaw in my code Something in me that’s broken I’m always playing God And treating your feelings as a game Because I know that just one right roll And you’ll crumble before me And I know, I know I’m always breaking you over and over Because I love seeing which way The pieces of your heart will fall I wish I could explain it But these parts of me Hide so deep And I’m afraid of what I will find If I look too far And I can’t face who I am So I’m always playing God And treat my flaws as a game And I’ll admit it satisfies me To think your everything wrong with me And it’s fun to see who breaks first From the constant accusation And the never ending scenarios In which I’m the good guy And your the villain I wish I could control it But I never cared enough to change And I’ve gotten to comfortable in my apathy So I’m always playing god And pretending I have no flaws And I treat it as a game Creating perfections for myself And lying about how good I am And I know There’s something wrong with me Short-circuted wiring And I know I’m often playing god And place my egos desires before yours And it’s a game to me Watching how your face falls When I shoot you down When I explain that I have no conscience I wish I could say sorry But these parts of me Hide so deep And I’m afraid of what I will find If I look to far
Last edited by deleted32 on Wed Apr 03, 2024 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
You once said that when your eyes met mine you saw an angel within, a being of pure silver light with a great wreath of white feathers. I could've taken each syllable of those words turned them into another dimension, each whisper of its development strung on those intonations. But the truth is that within me lies a sinner, not a saint A singularity tore through me, and I've balanced on the event horizon 'tween right and wrong ever since, the atoms that form empathy slowly breaking down, All the good in me flattened out, ripped apart and disassembled. They say that what's pure is whole, and what's evil is broken and I'm sorry to say that I never came to you intact. The thing about being broken is that I can use these scattered shards as a mask. I am a monster of perfect illusion, composed of unstable smoke, constantly shifting and changing form. I wish I could explain how each curve and fold of my soul forms something half human, with only one ear, half a mouth, and one eye, but I never found the compassion, and you never understood the apathy I should've seen your final words coming. ''I can see everything you hide behind those eyes now. Beneath the light that once blinded me is a shriveled being, standing on brittle bone, with nothing but stolen threads to wear. I see now that you're nothing but a failed star, who never learned how to shine. Only lies are hidden in your heart' Every syllable was a nail to my wrist, as my arms stretched across your crucifix Each annunciation was a sword sliced down my chest. I felt as though I'd been forced to roll around in the mud, I felt so dirty, every part of my existence nothing more than a broken vessel to you But I realized something, as I lay on the ground, all the breath sucked out of me You hoped to make me believe my fate had snapped when you left But my destiny is my own, and somehow, from these feathers, and the cracks within my identity I will forge a fate of light.
III. FIREFLIES Deep sapphire barely creeps across the dawn Like a million stars, fire-flies twinkle promises ‘’You are my brightest fire-fly’’ you said to me ‘’Your smile is a twinkling light In the remains of my life’’ Then you laughed and threw a pillow at me I have never forgotten that dawn, even as you became someone foreign (You said I was your fire-fly, why then, are you pushing my light away?) I want you to know as I say my final good-byes that it was never you I hated (You said my smile is a twinkling light, why then, do you want to see it fade?) That time I nearly shoved you and told you to get out of the house, I was shoving my problems away and telling myself to die That time I nearly bit you for just telling me I was wrong I was loathing myself being so confused, and I didn’t understand a thing So I took it out on you I suppose it’s all only been the final throes of a dying fire-fly I just want my old bond back with you I just want you to love me I just want you to be there for me I just want to understand why I can’t be happy And I suppose the only way I can do that is to say good bye But whom then, am I saying farewell to? The boy who once smiled at me and said ‘You are my brightest fire-fly?’’ Then laughed about boyish delights Or perhaps I should say good-bye To the angry porcupine who’d hide within himself And turn into a snapping turtle The truth is that you were my brightest fire-fly, The twinkling star in depths to far for me to see alone Yet the light you gave sung a hymn of fading dreams Like a passing animal on its last breath You’d collapse in weakness, chest heaving And like a cornered dog you’d try to hide it Your words, they’d turn my soul to ash Your eyes, they’d gleam with the rage of suns Yet I’d see beneath that, you were only a puppy Looking for a sibling that was never there
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