z

Young Writers Society


Nothing Like the Sun



User avatar
542 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
Sun Apr 21, 2024 1:17 am
View Likes
Liminality says...



11. A Loving Person




Loving is a title not bestowed by one alone,
but a kind of hovering half-reflection
in sun and gently whispering rain,
a paper boat upon the river path
that nods together with water.

So don’t use ‘loving’ when you lift yourself
like a frozen crown above the trunk and roots
that doesn’t know the stem that holds it up
that doesn’t know what river feeds it
that tries to stray from paths
it never half-approaches.


Spoiler! :
Contrasts in word choice (based on Sonnet 23):


- Reckless
- Violent
- Charging
- Seizing
- Grabbing


- Careful
- Floating
- Hovering
- River boat
- Following the path


Opposites:
- Pacifistic
- Approaching
- Letting go
- .
- Careless
- Sinking
- Jet
- Going off-road

^ Didn't use all of these in the poem, but it was the start of the process.

Initial draft I then edited down:

People need to know that they are loved
not just as a mention in a speech,
not just the words that say
you are a loving person,
like a dictate that makes it true.

Loving is a title not bestowed by one alone,
but a kind of hovering half-reflection
in sun and gently whispering rain,
a paper boat upon the river path
that nods together with water.

So don’t use ‘loving’ when you lift yourself
like a frozen crown above the trunk and roots
that doesn’t love the tree that holds it up
that doesn’t know what river feeds it
that tries to stray from paths
it never half-approaches.


she/her

.
Have you met my friend, The Story Review Template?
  





User avatar
542 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
Mon Apr 22, 2024 4:25 am
View Likes
Liminality says...



12. Sketch



The scratchpad lines may flit from corner to corner
before I get an angle of its shape
the black and blue, the grey in pencil shades
the muted energy of drawing on a rainy day.

Likewise, I track those invisible connections
between the friends I know, and those I don’t
the flash of grey in eyes that seek understanding,
obscure somethings forming on a rainy day.


Spoiler! :
Notes:
- The stress patterns (meter) in this one are a lot more all-over-the-place, but like a sketch I just wanted to get this down
- Shakespeare’s use of different kinds of art (theatre, painting) as a metaphor within a poem inspired this
she/her

.
Have you met my friend, The Story Review Template?
  





User avatar
542 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
Mon Apr 22, 2024 4:28 am
View Likes
Liminality says...



13. To a Sovereign



But of course I know how much you’re sorry,
the royal vault of pearls which are your tears
you’ve made me count, each brightly glowing white,
a million thousand times. And millions more
you pay in gold you’ve always hoarded,
and you've had lyric verse inscribed in bone
which lists your every crime and true regret.

But all of these won’t reimburse to me
the priceless value of my person’s dignity.

Spoiler! :
Notes:

- Not the most creative I've been in terms of imagery
- It's based on the following lines from Sonnet 34 + unconscious emulation of Shakespeare's financial metaphors:

    “For no man well of such a salve can speak
    That heals the wound and cures not the disgrace.
    Nor can thy shame give physic to my grief;
    Though thou repent, yet I have still the loss” – Sonnet 34

Sonnet 34 actually does a reversal of this sentiment and is a love poem. So my little poem here is a reversal of that reversal, making it an anti-love poem xD
she/her

.
Have you met my friend, The Story Review Template?
  





User avatar
542 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
Wed Apr 24, 2024 9:21 pm
View Likes
Liminality says...



Content warning: shipwreck? sinking into open water



14. Deep Talk



My friends all speak a language vast and deep:
I try to stay afloat upon its waves.
A sound can echo long before it fades
and travel far before the moment it is heard.

I try to stay afloat upon its waves,
the sound that echoes in the sapphire sea
for if I sink, what will become of me?
and all the pearls of light that slip away.

A sound can echo long before it fades,
but if you never see me, it simply won’t
and if you never hear me calling out
a boat may disappear beneath the blue

and travel, far before the moment it is heard,
losing planks and gear and sprouting weeds
and when you find me on the ocean floor
we may regret that language vast and deep.


Spoiler! :
A second take on the idea behind a NaPo 2020 poem. Instead of a pantoum, I've written an initial quatrain and then repeated each line of the quatrain as the beginning of another quatrain. Not sure if this is an existing form with a totally different name, but there we go, I have un-pantoumed a pantoum (and put it in iambic pentameter, thanks Shakespeare).
she/her

.
Have you met my friend, The Story Review Template?
  





User avatar
542 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
Fri Apr 26, 2024 9:31 am
View Likes
Liminality says...



15. And what’s a colour? What a colour is.



I know I often dream absurdities
or speak ill of the living, which sickens truth
but still if you will hear me, I confess:
there is something I see that’s true to me.

When I envision people I hold dear
I see them lit by orange lantern light
as above the sky retreats to night
and even that is coloured by the flame.

Their eyes may not be clear nor burnished bright,
but still we watch the same familiar road
the shadows swimming in the amber glow
and flowing all around us as we go.

And as we go and they drift from my sight
the warmest hues like insects start to bite.

Spoiler! :
A new sonnet (without the *regular* end rhyming) inspired by an old sonnet I wrote in NaPo 2020. The old sonnet had more unity of imagery than I thought it did, but I primarily focused on the idea of orange/flame-coloured light and let that take up as much of the poem's imagery as possible. I think this might be my last one for this NaPo unless I get a real itch to continue this project right away. But for now I'll celebrate 15 poems!
she/her

.
Have you met my friend, The Story Review Template?
  





User avatar
105 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1303
Reviews: 105
Fri Apr 26, 2024 6:05 pm
View Likes
momonster says...



Spoiler! :
hey limi! i love reading your poetry so much. the way you write really makes me slow down and focus on every word instead of just reading it. you have such a unique and wonderful way of writing and i love it so much. in your last poem i especially liked the third stanza. everything just blends perfectly into itself and it's awesome. incredible job this year! <3
For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.
Romans 6:14 NIV

never apologize for standing up for what you believe in.

previously MomoandAppa, LordMomo, MomoMajesty, and dancingontheclouds
  








Gravity was a mistake.
— Till Nowak