Young Writers Society

3. untitlednil//lost files

i am everywhere and nowhere at once
(a glitch in the system,
inconsistent with the demands of society)
my footsteps easily erased as they are put down
treading in snow made of crushed dreams
walking over grass made of the expectations held above my head

[when i falter, will you fix my code?]

if i == finite:
  you.exceed(me)
  you = "forever"

while you == "forever":

  i.goto(myHidingPlace)
  i.cry(overNothingImportant)
  if thisHell == permanent
    am.i(real)
    am.i(delusionalThinkingThatYouWouldBeHere)
print("iGuessWeWereNeverMeantToBeTogether")
input("if we were, would i be this mangled glitch?")
print("i know i wouldn't. i'd be just fine.")

you know, my files were crrptd e v e r since i NcounterD you.
(i wonder if my code was made to be this way,
and i'm blaming anEpiphanyOfOurLove)

3.ii social chameleon

i am like a piece of clay on the potter's wheel
(dependent on the potter
my form changes.)
for some, i am fearless and strong
(societal standards,
they love the fact that i am 'strong',
for i am a man.)
for others i am bright and bubbly
(i have to be the nicest i can,
if i'm not, all eyes are on me)
yet again my skin will change
for those who need a shoulder to cry on
(the social chameleon is i,
and i am many people.)

you know, i'm tired of being everything for everyone
i really truly want to be something more
(but i don't know who i really am,
because the clay of my skin has dried out.)

4.iii letter to self(p.s the ending isn't as it seems)

Dear herb,
I hope this letter finds you well. (are you scared of the future? really, you should be afraid of the past.) I wonder if you're reading this, wondering how you got it. (time is running backwards past to future to present and loop again.) Are you even reading this? Did this actually send? (overcome with rage,
this envelope is tattered.) I think I'm just paranoid. Anyway, remember:
•there's no use in crying
•nobody will save you
•death is inevitable
•stop crying
You can't write back, but please remember to forget me. (tolerance is ignorance when truths are taken as lies.)

S(in)death we will find peace)cerely,
Yourself
(p.s, the tears you shed were in vain)

4.!? sizzle/crackle/bang/shhh

our love was bright, brilliant, and fair
(somewhere in your fireworks i found myself)
you were my fireworks and i was your kindling
and we traveled this dark world together,
our path leaving a...
I. ...sizzle
like bacon to a pan
(our hands were soaked in grease,
the grease we earned by fighting for our lives)
we were inseperable together
but so easy to break apart
and when we lifted off the ground
we blasted of with a...
II. ...crackle
it felt so right
to voyage with you
(if i was a satellite
you were my earth)
i orbited you,
to think i was so naive
because when you blamed me
your argument came out with a...
III. ...bang
when i screamed for the first time
it must of been a scare
(but you are a firework
and i am a firecracker)
i mean, i was like a trophy
sitting on a shelf
waiting for you to do things
(i'd had enough waiting by then.)
but when i tried to speak out
you put your hand over my mouth with a...
IV. ...shhh
when i am silenced i can do nothing
(you kept me afraid of you,
so when you framed yourself as the victim,
i couldn't speak out.)
i wanted to tear your hand off my mouth,
but you are a torrential downpour
and i am a light drizzle
(i wish i could escape you,
but everytime i do so,
you creep into my mind with a
sizzle
crackle
bang
shhh)

5. amidst my circus
up from the sky
i wont want you to cry
(so if i die,
i'll make it easier for you to forget that.)
i'll take your tears
& be your umbrella
(the rain passes by but you can hear my cries
i wonder why nobody found the reason to survive)
the acrobat who's waiting at the top
they'll pull my strings and wrong me
(if i am on the trapeze known as life
then my death will be a lake of pirahnas.)

6. what's the world without you

if i sit with grief overtaking me
will you comfort me
(earth is so inexplicably finite
my world would probably collapse without you)
if nothing is forever will you sit by me
please.
(when the world ends,
can you hug me as i cry?)

i hate having to sit on my knees
i plead for you to stay
(please, stay by me
i don't want to be left behind)

will you hold my hand as my heart pulses for its final time
(i'm not asking i'm begging you.)
actually, if you patch it up i might be okay
i mean, i wouldn't be broken
(i swear i'm not lying,
it's just the mirror thats speaking for me.)

my tears are rolling down my face
what happens when i die?
will i be forgotten?
(word of mouth is not the most reliable.)

then again
the universe is infintely large
(i realize now that you & i are just specks of nothing & nowhere,
so really, what's the world without you?)

6.@ i am my own doppelganger (my anatomical heart beats slow)

looking in my mirror i see myself
(wait no,
if i am the onlooker,
then that is not me.)
my hand reaches out through my reflection
but i never moved it in the first place
(phalanges like inchworms
they writhe on my hand)
is this involuntary movement or the curse of being built inside out
(my esophagus contracts around words i never said
they coagulate into a sticky mess instead of being thrown up.)
my prefrontal cortex has turned into a never-ending-vortex
(brain stem has bloomed while capillaries faltered.)
if i am the real fake
how do i feel my organs
(i feel my lungs grow and diminish
it makes me some sort of spirit i suppose)

7. i read between the lines

when i die will you('ll) for(emember)get me (right)?

is it plausible that i k(no)w (accept) my fate?

i (a)m)ust be an idiot
because even a fool (would)n't act like this

explination for #7;
reading between the lines and above my tears

8. hotline
TW: SUICIDE
faux-haiku using a 9/8/8 structure (988 is the national suicide hotline)

8.vi something vain & something beautiful

text version:

9. i blame babel (what happens when we die?)

you know i've always wondered what life would be like if/when/while i die. i've always been curious about death but they say curiousity killed the cat but they always say that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. i've always found that interesting too-- english has sayings for every situation. what happens when too many cooks spoil the broth, but the cooks say that many hands make light work? the pen says it is mightier than the sword, but actions speak louder than words. if we all speak in dialects of the same language, why are we so distant? i wonder what happens when like us, language dies. when language flickers out what becomes of us? do we become in/sig/nif/i/cant or will we end up hateless and left in solace. i am sorry if you are having pop with your soda but my disdain was sparked at the water fountain (bubbler?). i left my innocence with the fireflies (lightning bugs) as they flew away in the summers heat, and i swore i thought i'd die. i'd die alone and speechless like the people on the tower of babel.