Ummm?? I'm sorry?? Who permitted you to write such a masterpiece on the first day of April? This is beautiful, Mint. I love the Atlas imagery mixed with a message about a polluted world. Well done!
She/They/Fae
“the wist i knew would never allow a straight boy in their stories” ~Omni “Hi Omni can I request wist get the role mom friend :]" ~winter “ah yes, fear Wist's smile :) <- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
awww omg thank you Wist Mizuna <333 means a ton to hear that from such an accomplished poet as yourself!!
and now for my second poem because i'm attempting to cram in 42 poetic forms in 30 days xD also edit: this was inspired by that time i saw a supernumerary rainbow before a mock trial competition and then we lost :')
4/1/24 rainbows (quintilla; Spain; stanza of 5 lines of 8 syllables, ab rhyme scheme but without having 3 consecutive rhyming lines and not ending in a rhyming couplet (most common is abaab, but abbab, aabab, ababa and aabba also work))
rainbows aren't luck. they also shine for your greatest enemies and your strongest rivals, so don't whine if you take a loss, and don't pine over what slipped away like sand.
Spoiler! :
sooo i also tried a very messy attempt at translating that quintilla to Spanish xD i figured out that i still have a lot to learn! it's difficult because Spanish words typically have more syllables than English ones, so i needed to figure out how to say more with less, while keeping the rhyme scheme.
el arco iris también brilla para sus rivales y sus enemigos. no den quejas si se lo pierden. todo se va con los vales.
rough translation:
the rainbow also shines for your rivals and your enemies. don't give complaints if you lose it. everything goes with vouchers.
i was struggling xD will probably try to write a poem in Spanish again, but might start with Spanish instead of trying to translate a poem from English
Hey mint! Your first NaPo poem is a great read I really liked the progression of the imagery, how you blended together words related to pollution, plants, land and then Greek myth. The first two lines are also super striking and establish the solemn, urgent tone of the piece. A wonderful start to a NaPo thread!
I also love the take on rainbows in your second poem - a more realist view on an image I usually associate with optimism or whimsy. The Spanish version also looks super neat, and I really like the way you condensed your message there by changing the metaphor from sand > vouchers.
thank you so much, Lim!! i was worried i was trying to combine too many things at once, all for the sake of the rhyme scheme, but i'm glad you liked the imagery XD and yes, i was going for a twist on the usual interpretation of rainbows for the second poem! :3
Oof. Relate to the Mock Trial lost >.> But as Lim said, it's a very unique take on rainbows, taking it out of its usual "treasure at the end" perspective. Great job! ^^
She/They/Fae
“the wist i knew would never allow a straight boy in their stories” ~Omni “Hi Omni can I request wist get the role mom friend :]" ~winter “ah yes, fear Wist's smile :) <- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
“the wist i knew would never allow a straight boy in their stories” ~Omni “Hi Omni can I request wist get the role mom friend :]" ~winter “ah yes, fear Wist's smile :) <- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
Your poems are what initially inspired me to keep writing poems, they're always packed with creativity and fun . Thank you for spreading your awesomeness!! I'll be reading along :]
“It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice cream sandwiches.” - Lemony Snicket
aww that means a lot to me, Rose!! Thank you! P.S. you're a very creative and awesome poet yourself! ;D
4/2/24 to a writer returning from lands of doubt (American cinquain; United States; 5 lines of 2-4-6-8-2 syllables, written using iambs, no rhyme scheme)
deny the whispered words. they do not know your worlds of wonder. wake from slumber. you are home.
throwing the rondeau out the window because free verse is calling to me >.> credit to phantasm and her poem "uncharted waters" for the inspo for "self(-sacrifice)"! also credit to anyone else i may have unintentionally taken inspo from XD
4/2/24 everything i say has been said before
all of my words are stolen. i have been a thief since birth and i hypothesize i will be 'til the dawn i die. i am a copycat concatenating commas and colons. nothing i do is original, least of all these lines. i need so many synonyms to say the same thing.
the wind shivers palms until they sound like rushing streams. there is a syntax error in my sense of self(-sacrifice). press pause… then (word)play.
{twist your tongue until you're tongue-tied.}
am i only an amalgamation of grammar and parts of particles, stolen gram by gram from those who think more than i? hush. // what if self is only a lapse in speech? i whisper to a spoonful of sleet: sometimes i think i lisp in my sleep.
{redo replay rework remake yourself over and over and under and under until you finally find what remains resides in a restricted rezoned redefined reason.}
u & i r 1
we listen to the palm of our hand. the lines are like shivering streams of wind.
look.
we are the beauty of weeds poking out from between a tired wall and a jaded ground. green against sun-faded red and travel-worn gray.
It's always such an exciting and unique experience reading your poetry, mint! Your NaPo theme is sooo perfect as is your writing. I especially love to a writer returning from lands of doubt and the alliteration throughout. "worlds of wonder. wake from slumber" just scratches an itch in my brain in a way I can't explain.
ahh thank you so much, phantasm!! the joy i felt reading your comment XDD "an exciting and unique experience" is exactly what i want reading my poetry to be like! <333
plant with a hat (limerick; England; 5 lines, lines 1, 2, and 5 anapaests or amphibrachs and lines 3 and 4 anapaests or one iamb plus one anapaest, rhyming aabba)
there once was a plant with a hat it always had shade and it sat with the sun at its back, saying darkness i lack, until it just withered to that
please wait (tanka; Japan; 5 lines of 5-7-5-7-7 syllables)
don't dance in the stars don't reach for the lofty moon don't fly to the sun stay here, grounded, next to me at least until i grow wings
divide our days (attempted 15-line rondeau; France; 15 lines of 8 to 10 syllables, rhyming aabba aabR aabbaR)
divide our days, direct our hours decipher minutes, seconds, pow'rs of ten, we count, we measure time as if controlling flowing rhyme is how we fill the fields with flow'rs.
demand the sunrise over bow'rs diminish that which softly sours and gently swallow tasteless lime divide our days
digress from paths to endless tow'rs determine ways to silence glow'rs avoid the common tinkling chime become the ever-present mime and when we reach the end of hours divide our days
Your rondeau is lovely! Time is an excellent subject for this form, since the rhyme scheme is so repetitive, and I think the -our sounds give it a very round and full feeling. I read it aloud, and your meter is nice as well. I think you really did this form justice.
"I've got dreams like you--no really!--just much less, touchy-feeley. They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny on an island that I own, tanned and rested and alone surrounded by enormous piles of money." -Flynn Rider, Tangled
ah thank you, Vento! i was struggling with the rhymes, since i picked the awkward word "hour" to start and then had to cheese the following rhymes with apostrophes and random words xD i'm glad you thought the meter was nice, though!!
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