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Young Writers Society


on code and conlangs



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31 Reviews



Gender: Demigirl
Points: 1130
Reviews: 31
Mon Apr 01, 2024 9:20 pm
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WeepingWisteria says...



Spoiler! :
Ummm?? I'm sorry?? Who permitted you to write such a masterpiece on the first day of April? This is beautiful, Mint. I love the Atlas imagery mixed with a message about a polluted world. Well done!
She/They/Fae

“the wist i knew would never allow a straight boy in their stories” ~Omni
“Hi Omni can I request wist get the role mom friend :]" ~winter
“ah yes, fear Wist's smile :) <- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
  





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245 Reviews



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Mon Apr 01, 2024 10:22 pm
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Spearmint says...



Spoiler! :
awww omg thank you Wist Mizuna <333 :D means a ton to hear that from such an accomplished poet as yourself!!


and now for my second poem because i'm attempting to cram in 42 poetic forms in 30 days xD
also edit: this was inspired by that time i saw a supernumerary rainbow before a mock trial competition and then we lost :')

4/1/24
rainbows
(quintilla; Spain; stanza of 5 lines of 8 syllables, ab rhyme scheme but without having 3 consecutive rhyming lines and not ending in a rhyming couplet (most common is abaab, but abbab, aabab, ababa and aabba also work))

rainbows aren't luck. they also shine
for your greatest enemies and
your strongest rivals, so don't whine
if you take a loss, and don't pine
over what slipped away like sand.

Spoiler! :
sooo i also tried a very messy attempt at translating that quintilla to Spanish xD i figured out that i still have a lot to learn! it's difficult because Spanish words typically have more syllables than English ones, so i needed to figure out how to say more with less, while keeping the rhyme scheme.

el arco iris también
brilla para sus rivales
y sus enemigos. no den
quejas si se lo pierden.
todo se va con los vales.

rough translation:

the rainbow also
shines for your rivals
and your enemies. don't give
complaints if you lose it.
everything goes with vouchers.

i was struggling xD will probably try to write a poem in Spanish again, but might start with Spanish instead of trying to translate a poem from English
mint, she/her


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=D
  





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542 Reviews



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Points: 41664
Reviews: 542
Mon Apr 01, 2024 10:56 pm
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Liminality says...



Spoiler! :
Hey mint! Your first NaPo poem is a great read :D I really liked the progression of the imagery, how you blended together words related to pollution, plants, land and then Greek myth. The first two lines are also super striking and establish the solemn, urgent tone of the piece. A wonderful start to a NaPo thread!

I also love the take on rainbows in your second poem - a more realist view on an image I usually associate with optimism or whimsy. The Spanish version also looks super neat, and I really like the way you condensed your message there by changing the metaphor from sand > vouchers.
she/her

.
Have you met my friend, The Story Review Template?
  





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245 Reviews



Gender: Female
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Tue Apr 02, 2024 12:10 am
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Spearmint says...



Spoiler! :
thank you so much, Lim!! :D i was worried i was trying to combine too many things at once, all for the sake of the rhyme scheme, but i'm glad you liked the imagery XD and yes, i was going for a twist on the usual interpretation of rainbows for the second poem! :3
mint, she/her


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=D
  





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31 Reviews



Gender: Demigirl
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Tue Apr 02, 2024 12:22 am
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WeepingWisteria says...



Spoiler! :
Oof. Relate to the Mock Trial lost >.> But as Lim said, it's a very unique take on rainbows, taking it out of its usual "treasure at the end" perspective. Great job! ^^
She/They/Fae

“the wist i knew would never allow a straight boy in their stories” ~Omni
“Hi Omni can I request wist get the role mom friend :]" ~winter
“ah yes, fear Wist's smile :) <- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
  





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245 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 22538
Reviews: 245
Tue Apr 02, 2024 12:38 am
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Spearmint says...



Spoiler! :
thank youuu!! :] and rip, well, we can't win everything xD you're so encouraging aaaa i appreciate you, Wist!!
mint, she/her


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=D
  





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31 Reviews



Gender: Demigirl
Points: 1130
Reviews: 31
Tue Apr 02, 2024 12:52 am
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WeepingWisteria says...



Spoiler! :
<33 I’m honored to read your work.
She/They/Fae

“the wist i knew would never allow a straight boy in their stories” ~Omni
“Hi Omni can I request wist get the role mom friend :]" ~winter
“ah yes, fear Wist's smile :) <- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
  





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169 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 33652
Reviews: 169
Tue Apr 02, 2024 6:35 pm
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Rose says...



Spoiler! :
Your poems are what initially inspired me to keep writing poems, they're always packed with creativity and fun :D. Thank you for spreading your awesomeness!! I'll be reading along :]
Think like a proton; always positive ;)
  





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245 Reviews



Gender: Female
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Tue Apr 02, 2024 10:07 pm
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Spearmint says...



Spoiler! :
aww that means a lot to me, Rose!! Thank you! :D P.S. you're a very creative and awesome poet yourself! ;D


4/2/24
to a writer returning from lands of doubt
(American cinquain; United States; 5 lines of 2-4-6-8-2 syllables, written using iambs, no rhyme scheme)

deny
the whispered words.
they do not know your worlds
of wonder. wake from slumber. you
are home.
mint, she/her


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=D
  





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Gender: Female
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Wed Apr 03, 2024 3:33 am
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Spearmint says...



throwing the rondeau out the window because free verse is calling to me >.>
credit to phantasm and her poem "uncharted waters" for the inspo for "self(-sacrifice)"! also credit to anyone else i may have unintentionally taken inspo from XD

4/2/24
everything i say has been said before

all of my words are stolen. i have been a thief since birth
and i hypothesize i will be 'til the dawn i die.
i am a copycat concatenating commas and colons.
nothing i do is original, least of all these lines.
i need so many synonyms to say the same thing.

the wind shivers palms until they sound like rushing streams.
there is a syntax error in my sense of self(-sacrifice).
press pause…
then (word)play.

{twist your tongue until you're tongue-tied.}

am i only an amalgamation of grammar
and parts of particles, stolen gram by gram
from those who think more than i?
hush. // what if self is only a lapse in speech?
i whisper to a spoonful of sleet:
sometimes i think i lisp in my sleep.

{redo replay rework remake yourself
over and over and under and under until
you finally find what remains resides in
a restricted rezoned redefined reason.}

u & i r 1

we listen to the palm of our hand.
the lines are like shivering streams of wind.

look.

we are the beauty of weeds poking out from
between a tired wall and a jaded ground.
green against sun-faded red and travel-worn gray.
mint, she/her


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=D
  





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Reviews: 9
Wed Apr 03, 2024 5:21 am
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phantasm says...



Spoiler! :
It's always such an exciting and unique experience reading your poetry, mint! Your NaPo theme is sooo perfect as is your writing. I especially love to a writer returning from lands of doubt and the alliteration throughout. "worlds of wonder. wake from slumber" just scratches an itch in my brain in a way I can't explain.
she/her
  





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Wed Apr 03, 2024 5:41 am
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Spearmint says...



Spoiler! :
ahh thank you so much, phantasm!! the joy i felt reading your comment XDD "an exciting and unique experience" is exactly what i want reading my poetry to be like! :D <333
mint, she/her


.--. / ... ...- -.-. .-.. / - .--. ..- .- / .--- --- ...- .--- / .--- --- .--. .-- / .--. .--- .-.. / .--- -.-- .-.. .... -
=D
  





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Thu Apr 04, 2024 4:34 am
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Spearmint says...



4/3/24

plant with a hat
(limerick; England; 5 lines, lines 1, 2, and 5 anapaests or amphibrachs and lines 3 and 4 anapaests or one iamb plus one anapaest, rhyming aabba)

there once was a plant with a hat
it always had shade and it sat
with the sun at its back,
saying darkness i lack,
until it just withered to that


please wait
(tanka; Japan; 5 lines of 5-7-5-7-7 syllables)

don't dance in the stars
don't reach for the lofty moon
don't fly to the sun
stay here, grounded, next to me
at least until i grow wings


divide our days
(attempted 15-line rondeau; France; 15 lines of 8 to 10 syllables, rhyming aabba aabR aabbaR)

divide our days, direct our hours
decipher minutes, seconds, pow'rs
of ten, we count, we measure time
as if controlling flowing rhyme
is how we fill the fields with flow'rs.

demand the sunrise over bow'rs
diminish that which softly sours
and gently swallow tasteless lime
divide our days

digress from paths to endless tow'rs
determine ways to silence glow'rs
avoid the common tinkling chime
become the ever-present mime
and when we reach the end of hours
divide our days

Spoiler! :
i tried ok 😭
mint, she/her


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=D
  





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Thu Apr 04, 2024 4:49 am
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Ventomology says...



Spoiler! :
Your rondeau is lovely! Time is an excellent subject for this form, since the rhyme scheme is so repetitive, and I think the -our sounds give it a very round and full feeling. I read it aloud, and your meter is nice as well. I think you really did this form justice.
"I've got dreams like you--no really!--just much less, touchy-feeley.
They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny
on an island that I own, tanned and rested and alone
surrounded by enormous piles of money." -Flynn Rider, Tangled
  





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245 Reviews



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Reviews: 245
Thu Apr 04, 2024 6:11 am
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Spearmint says...



Spoiler! :
ah thank you, Vento! i was struggling with the rhymes, since i picked the awkward word "hour" to start and then had to cheese the following rhymes with apostrophes and random words xD i'm glad you thought the meter was nice, though!!
mint, she/her


.--. / ... ...- -.-. .-.. / - .--. ..- .- / .--- --- ...- .--- / .--- --- .--. .-- / .--. .--- .-.. / .--- -.-- .-.. .... -
=D
  








The most important thing is to preserve the world we live in. Unless people understand and learn about our world, habitats, and animals, they won't understand that if we don't protect those habitats, we'll eventually destroy ourselves.
— Jack Hanna