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My LIfe Revolves Around Other People's Whispers



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Tue Apr 21, 2020 5:19 pm
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Liberty says...



Jade! You're first two poems look fantastic! I especially like the first one because you really dig down and pull out the emotions. The second one, as well, is really good. I liked this bit for sure: "Smiles are nostalgic, / We've forgot how to laugh, / We're unanimous in / A fear of tomorrow"

Your poems are beautiful! <3 Can't wait for more!
LadyBug is the best frister ever <3
(everyone please know that LadyBug's the coolest goose you will ever meet)
(this goose blushes too much)
(lol imagine a blushing goose xD <3)
  





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Fri Apr 24, 2020 5:55 am
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LadyBug says...



The fear of being forgotten is
Like an elephant on my chest,
Water filling my lungs.
The words I try my hardest,
To scream, yet nothing comes out.

So I try to be something, anything to stay remembered.
Like, I always smile,
Try to keep the jokes light,
Check in every now and then,
Just to say, "I'm here."

But there's a worse fear of no one cares,
Like a cold, hard fact.
I ignore it like people,
Forget my presence.
How they ignore my messages.

And the fear that I've been abandoned,
Like an intense pressure,
It hits like a wave
That tells me I can't possibly be forgotten
If I was never remembered in the first place.

Cringey teenage angst at the max
:pirate3:
  





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Fri Apr 24, 2020 2:56 pm
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BluesClues says...



idk can you call it cringey teenage angst when I found it relateable as I read
  





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Fri Apr 24, 2020 3:42 pm
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EditorAndPerks says...



I wholeheartedly agree with Blue.

Sometimes good poems have a little cliche spin on them, but this one is interesting and I appreciate the sentiments, as I've definitely felt this kind of feeling multiple times over the years.
"You know that I can't / Show you me / Give you me"
- The Truth Untold (BTS)
"Please give me a remedy / a melody"
- Jamais Vu (BTS)
"The lights illuminating your eyes / They're the me from now"
- Inner Child (BTS)
  





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Wed Apr 29, 2020 6:44 pm
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LadyBug says...



Blue dye stains on my wrist.
Green marks on a marble counter top.
Red drops splattered on the wall.

The chemical smell that never truly leaves,
Accompanied by the snappy, cool latex gloves
And the floor, decorated in badly stained towels.

Time and time again,
I mess up when I dye my hair.
But I refuse to go to a salon.

I've been procrastinating
:pirate3:
  





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Wed Apr 29, 2020 9:21 pm
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Liberty says...



Omg, lol, Jade I love your latest poem. xD I can pretty much see you're face, all flustered, staring at the mess, horrified.

The chemical smell that never truly leaves,
Accompanied by the snappy, cool latex gloves
And the floor, decorated in badly stained towels.

I love the way you use your adjectives!

There's one more day left for NaPo, yeah, but I hope you post more!
LadyBug is the best frister ever <3
(everyone please know that LadyBug's the coolest goose you will ever meet)
(this goose blushes too much)
(lol imagine a blushing goose xD <3)
  





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188 Reviews



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Points: 6116
Reviews: 188




User avatar
393 Reviews



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Points: 34250
Reviews: 393
Wed Apr 29, 2020 10:10 pm
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EditorAndPerks says...



There's definitely some good imagery and colors mentioned in that last poem! And I like the tongue-in-cheek comment at the end of not wanting to go to the salon lol xD.
"You know that I can't / Show you me / Give you me"
- The Truth Untold (BTS)
"Please give me a remedy / a melody"
- Jamais Vu (BTS)
"The lights illuminating your eyes / They're the me from now"
- Inner Child (BTS)
  





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188 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 6116
Reviews: 188




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Wed Apr 29, 2020 11:49 pm
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BluesClues says...



I don't know what I thought this poem would be about, but I wasn't expecting hair dye! It really made me laugh.
  





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188 Reviews



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User avatar
188 Reviews



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Points: 6116
Reviews: 188
Thu Apr 30, 2020 6:44 am
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LadyBug says...



Whenever I hang out with my friends, I think they hate me.

Yesterday was the worst day of my life!

I don't tend to wallow in my sadness.

I feel so stupid.

For most things, I am very reserved.

I feel like I'm running outta time!

Peer pressure? Adults pressure me more than anyone my age.

Yes, I have wanted to, but I didn't.

I'm scared of screwing up and being awkward.

I'm not trying to be "not like other girls," I just think most kids my age act seven.

Busy, for my usual schedule.

Earlier, I read. It was my own book, but still...


Sorry if this makes no sense, it's not really supposed to. Each line is a direct extract from my diary, each from a different day and they're all really intimate with context. I thought it would make a creative piece!
:pirate3:
  





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Thu Apr 30, 2020 1:50 pm
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BluesClues says...



Using lines from a diary is such a cool idea!
  





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