Young Writers Society

Elias didn't often dream. Or if he did, he didn't care to remember. He had nightmares sometimes, but this... he wasn't sure what this was. It felt like he was teetering between reality and fiction.

It felt like he was underwater. Underwater with Bianca again, her teaching him a lesson. He would sink, and she would push him down, and just as he felt like he was going to drown, she would pull him close to kiss him. And then she would bite him, then laugh, and he'd be in the air again - over, and over, and over, like some broken record.

"There's life everywhere. You're just not looking in the right places," she said as she glared at him, still underwater even though she was talking normally. "You're looking at a life source. You don't need to hold your breath."

"Hold your breath!" a faraway voice said as Bianca's ghostly face faded into darkness.

Noise reverberated in his ears as it felt like he was sinking into blackness. It took some moments for Elias to realize that the voice wasn't a dream at all. It was Raj, yelling at everyone to get up and hold their breath.

It wasn't until Elias woke up that he realized he was already holding his breath from the dream. His eyes shot open, and without even sitting up, he noticed a fog rolling into the darkness from every side.

Was this a dream too?

Elias quickly sat up, noticing the blanket of smoke already consuming the wagon. He heard coughing, and then a still silence. Who was in there? He tried to think of who was in there as a familiar rush of adrenaline moved through him.

Evaline. James. Adina. They breathed in the smoke. Considering Raj's warning, and considering that they were silent now...

This was no normal smoke.

Everything was moving so fast. All traces of sleepiness instantly disappeared as Elias noticed Mel and Jordan's still bodies near the wagon as well.

Everyone else was lucky to be awake, including himself. And everyone else was quick to get up, ready to fight - unlike Elias.

A swarm of people surrounding the camp. Elias could only assume that they were mage hunters. There were more than he could count. Dozens and dozens of shadows of people in dark clothing began to pour in.

Bo and Clandestine were quick on their feet to fight the hunters, with Mel and Raj already in the front of battle. Raj surrounded them both in flying circles of chunks of earth, which he hurled out like heavy bullets, while Mel was holding a sword, slicing at anyone who came at his back.

Elias frantically looked for Elise, not noticing her with the others. It wasn't until he more avidly scanned the ground that he noticed she was unconscious, presumably hit by a lumshade dart since she wasn't far from where Bo was at a little bit ago.

Elias knew he should join them, but he felt frozen in place. He had been in situations like this countless of times, but this felt different. He felt unprepared, not ready to fight.

Hendrik and Makiel were the next pair to get up to fight. Makiel immediately used his air magic to disperse the smoke, sending it billowing up into the air. At that, Hendrik screamed profanities and took out his biggest gun, cocking it in place to ready himself to shoot. Alistair also joined, throwing fire with Clandestine.

Finally, his legs moved - but not towards the front of battle. Elias ran towards the wagon, his protective instinct kicking in. Smoke filled the air again - but not the drugged smoke. Alistair had set a tree on fire, and the wind from Makiel's gusts sent it downstream. Elias had to hold his breath as he entered the wagon, verifying that James, Evaline, Adina, Mel, and Jordan were safe.

As safe as they could be, anyways.

Everything was so loud, but it felt like his heart thumping against his chest was louder. He knew he had to do something, but it was like everything in him was protesting. Telling him he didn't need to fight.

Elias glanced at the others again. Clandestine and Alistair were surrounding but were able to hold off any hunters with fire, burning any arrows and darts that came their way. Makiel continued to clear the air of smoke, evading attacks and also blowing away darts and arrows. Hendrik was the loudest, shooting at bodies with his gun at a rapid and deafening pace. He was screaming, but Elias could barely hear it over his gun. Bo was sending lightning from his fingers as Raj continued to send shards of earth flying.

But then Raj faltered and hit the floor. He was hit by a lumshade dart. Mel immediately ran to his side, and it was at this moment that Elias felt a prickle on his back as well.

Lumshade.

Elias reached around and immediately pulled it out, but he could feel the cold sensation already enter his bloodstream. A part of him wanted to succumb to it again, just like last time.

But even though he didn't want to fight... he did want to fight this. He couldn't hide in cowardice when his friends were in trouble.

Elias clenched his jaw, willing himself to push the drug out of his system. Getting rid of poison wasn't that much different from transferring a wound, but Elias knew he had already acted to slow, trying to process everything that happened.

His knees buckled as he then landed on all fours to the ground, doing his best to transfer the lumshade into the grass around his fingers. He felt his mind wavering as his senses dulled, the cacophony of noise around him muted like he was underwater again.

He ached all over. Blood stained the grass.

Blood?

It was then that Elias realized he had been shot at with an arrow. One... two... three. Three arrows. One in his shoulder, one in his stomach, one in his thigh.

Elias let out a muffled groan, weakly placing a hand on the arrow on his stomach.

He had to pull it out. But if he pulled them all out, he was going to bleed uncontrollably.

Dozens more people were spilling out from the darkness. Elias's vision blurred, but he knew that they were vastly outnumbered.

Dread sunk in as Elias felt like he was finally understanding the reality of the situation. He closed his eyes for a moment, but it was like everything was flooding in at once.

"I know. It's supposed to be miserable, Elias," Evaline said to him, back when they were younger, simpler, and naive. She looked at him with a gentle understanding that replayed in his mind over and over, even now.

Elias opened his eyes again, noticing that hunters were starting to climb into the wagon. He gritted his teeth, pulling out the arrow in his stomach, and transferring the wound over to the nearest hunter. He didn't wait nor pay attention to what they did - he only heard a loud scream as Elias did it again and again, pulling out the other two arrows before transferring.

Elias quickly got up, his gaze only resting on the person he used his magic on. He didn't have time to see much, since blood spilled across the ground with their body torn apart.

Elias reached for the knife he had sheathed under his jacket, ignoring the noise reverberating in his head. More people were approaching, and nets were shot out from canons. A net wrapped around Mel and Jordan, and Elias moved to free them, but found himself fumbling back into the ground as a net wrapped around his body instead.

Elias hit the ground, sharply closing his eyes as he rolled across the ground, keeping a strong grip around his dagger.

For a brief second, he saw Alan again, staring at him before he then stared down at Elias's palms holding a dagger. With his gloved hands, he wrapped Elias's fingers around the dagger so he could hold it more steady.

"You know what you have to do."

Elias loudly groaned, sensing that he was hit with more darts. He didn't hesitate this time, immediately using his magic to transfer all the lumshade to the closest hunter nearby. The net was constricting, but Elias was already holding the dagger. He clenched his jaw and then stabbed his thigh, ignoring the pain.

Someone was drawing near, and Elias needed to get out of this net before they could arrive. He immediately used his magic to heal himself, transferring the stab wound to the hunter drawing close, once again hearing a muffled scream.

Elias worked fast to cut through the net, slicing the rope with his dagger to free himself. More darts would come his way, but he would continue to his his magic to remove it from his system, transferring it to a hunter when possible.

Everything started to blur together. Elias knew he used his dagger a few more time to hurt himself so he could hurt others, but he was losing track of how often he did it. Twice? Three times now? And how many darts? He was losing track.

They were outnumbered. Elias counted only a few people standing, including himself. Hendrik wasn't shooting as often. Bo used his electric magic less. Less fireballs were whizzing through the air. Earth shards and wind were no longer detected.

Elias knew he had to help more - and fast. He was still using his magic defensively, reacting when hurt.

But before his head could spin on his fact some more, a massive burst of lighting pulsed out of Bo as he shouted, "Duck!"

Elias was already on the ground since he had only finished freeing himself from the net, but by the time he could really let what was happening sink in, thunder boomed and a shockwave of lightning whizzed above him. Elias leaned closer to the ground, feeling the vibrations of dozens bodies hitting the ground with a thud.

Finally, it was quiet - but only for a moment.

Elias slowly sat up, noticing Bo now exposed in the open now that the piles of bodies around him had fallen. Another loud boom reverbrated in the sky, and Elias helplessly watched as a giant harpoon shot out from the darkness of the forest, going straight through Bo's chest, an arrow retracting and expanding on the end so that he couldn't pull it out. Upon hitting him, the chain tightened, immediately yanking him into the darkness with extreme force.

Elias felt his head swell again with noise as he slowly got up, noticing that Hendrik, Clandestine, and he were the only ones standing. There were still dozens of mage hunters left, unrelentless.

Elias continued to play defense as he reacted to every weapon and dart thrown his way, but he knew he had to change direction. Now.

"You don't seem to have much of a choice, do you?" he heard Alan whisper in his ear, and that was enough for Elias to give up fighting this.

"Okay," Elias said softly, hand still gripping his dagger as he watched a mage hunter running towards him with a sword. "You win."

He gripped the dagger harder in his hands, bringing it up to his throat, slicing it deep across his artery.

Pain. Blood. More pain.

It felt like a vicious cycle, as Elias continued to slash, to use his magic, listening to screams, to people uttering their last words as blood splattered on him.

Again, and again, and again. The throat was an easy target, as it almost always led to death. But Elias didn't stop there. There were so many other places he could target...

His stomach. Heart. Arms. Thighs. All of it was fair game. He just had to hurt himself to hurt others. That was always so much easier.

The noise ballooned in his head. It felt unbearable. His hands shook as visions of everyone he knew flashed across his eyes - of all the moments he didn't want to remember, like a haunting dream.

Why couldn't it all go away?

He had to keep fighting. He had to fight harder.

"Hendrik," Elias called when he was finally close enough to be near him. "Give me a gun."

If Hendrik said something, Elias didn't hear it. He just knew he hesitated.

"Give me a gun!" he yelled, more urgently.

It wasn't an ask. It was a threat.

Hendrik seemed to understand, because he finally tossed a gun over to Elias. It was one he recognized immediately. The gun was small and only had room for six bullets of storage, but it would suffice.

Elias didn't know how many hunters were left. He only ran towards the area with the highest concentration of them.

And when he got with a few yards of them, Elias pointed the gun. But not towards the hunters.

He pointed the gun to his own head and shot it.

Finally, everything went quiet.

Bo flew through the air. The prongs of the harpoon's head clung to him, digging into his chest while the shaft pierced through his chest.

It was moments like this when Bo could feel the imbalance between his two forms. One was so much smaller, but the strength between the two was level. Even as he flew, he could see his own body twitch with flashes of light, feeling the temptation to shift into a form that was larger, and more powerful. But he knew if he did, there would be no turning back. They had no idea how many hunters were out there, but there were far more than they could count, and far more than he could even make out with all of the smells colliding together.

Blood. Charred flesh. Death. Pain and suffering by a mage's hands.

He hardly had time to process the sinking in his gut when he collided with a tree, hitting his head and shoulder before he thumped to the ground, momentum lost. Coughing up blood, he rasped, feeling the tears at his internal organs align with his other form.

Footsteps hurried to converge on him, and he knew he had mere seconds to respond.

Setting his hands around the harpoon sticking out of his chest, he took in a bloody breath, taking half a second to assess who was around him.

Seven people running towards him. Eight more posted closeby. The metal chain led that direction.

His vision went white as he released a roar, and an explosion of electricity coursed out of him, traveling in every direction. Thunder crackled upwards, into the sky. He could feel the electricty connect with every beating heart - the energy from his own body stunning theirs to a stop. Bodies fell to the ground, twitching, but dead, and he didn't hesitate.

He growled as he clenced his hands around the harpoon, causing the metal to crack, and shatter. He ripped the harpoon's head out of his chest and pulled himself off the pole skewering him with a groan, feeling every part of his body hurling itself into survival mode.

If only lightning could hurt him. He could've used it to cauterize something.

He forced himself to his feet, growling deeply as he rushed forward, back to the others. For half a second, he shifted, and with half a beat of his wings, he was skidding back into the fray on two feet once more.

But what he returned to was quickly turning into a grotesque disaster.

He couldn't even number the amount of dead bodies that laid on the ground, mangled, torn apart, bloodied and destroyed. All it took was one look for him to know it had to have been Elias's doing - no one else would've been able to accomplish such extreme violence in so short a time.

Hendrik was standing back, pointing his gun out into the forest with a timidity Bo had never seen. Mel, Raj, and Clandestine stayed in the fight, but had started backing up as Elias plunged himself into the remaining group of hunters.

He hurt himself before he transferred it to the remaining hunters standing in front of him. Their lives ended in short-lived screams. When Elias turned around, it was clear he wasn't present. He seemed to have one focus and one focus only: to take out the hunters that remained.

Staggering forward, Bo held his hand to his chest, scanning the camp. He couldn't see any more hunters, but he was trying to do a headcount.

Elias. Mel. Raj. Hendrik. Alistair had rejoined Clandestine's side. Makiel hesitantly appeared from out of a tree. Mel and Jordan were unconscious and bound in nets, but there. But that still left half their party missing.

Just as Bo was about to open his mouth to speak, a shadowed figure stepped out of the wagon, holding Elise.

She was unconscious, with a gun being shoved in her mouth as she was held by the back of her collar.

"Surrender now," the masked hunter called out in a commanding voice. "Or you will all die in seconds. I have snipers positioned, ready to fire at will."

Bo had to spit out some of the blood that had been pooling in his throat.

As he opened his mouth to speak, he heard a whizzing behind him. Unable to react fast enough, the bullet hit him in his middle back. It lodged right next to his spine, and Bo could feel all of his nerve endings twitching and twinging with pain. He fell to his knees, coughing up more blood onto the ground.

"We surrender," he said.

And everyone behind him stood down. Even Elias.

And he looked up, watching as the hunter stepped out of the wagon, still holding Elise's limp frame. Behind him, three more hunters came out with Eve, Adina, and James in tow, all unconscious, each with guns to their heads or down their throats.

Bo kept his hand over his chest, watching as the four of them lined up, execution-style. Bo understood they would remain so until everyone was subdued and detained so that they didn't lose their biggest bargaining chip and most present visual horror.

At this point, Bo knew he only had one option.

The only thing that would obstruct the view of dozens of snipers... was something too big to see past.

Bo could sense Hendrik standing behind him, and he reached out a hand shakily, touching Hendrik's boot to catch his attention discreetly.

"Close your eyes," he whispered, barely audible.

Giving Hendrik only a second to do so, Bo shifted.

There was an explosion of blue light, swirling around them all as his other form near-instantaneously materialized, gigantic, and swirling around the whole campsite in a coil.

He could hear dozens of guns going off one after another. Bullet after bullet made contact with his scales, bouncing off and ricocheting into the forest.

Below him, he could hear the chaos unfold. He watched it in the corner of his eyes.

Elias rapidly advanced on the four hunters, ending them within seconds before anyone else could do anything. He used his magic again, using a dagger to hurt himself so it would quickly.

"Everyone take cover," Bo ordered once the remaining soldiers on the ground were taken care of.

Now that he was in his dragon form, his heigtened senses came more naturally.

Taking in a deep breath, he assessed where the rest of the mage hunters were hiding. Some of them were already starting to scramble, but now that his true form was exposed, there was no use hiding it or using restraint. None of them could escape. Not if they wanted to avoid an even more powerful force of hunters coming for them.

Coming for him.

Once everyone beneath him took cover he fully extending his wings and took off, rapidly taking to the air and then diving into the forest, picking up the last of the hunters in his claws and his mouth.

He snatched them up one by one, ending their lives quickly so they wouldn't suffer more than necessary.

It didn't take very long, and by the time he circled back to the camp, he had dozens of bodies in tow. He dumped them just outside of the ring of carnage, knowing it would only add to the horrific display of bodies strewn about to carry them in.

Just as he was diving in to land, he shifted back to his human form, stumbling back into the camp with ragged breaths.

With one glance, he assessed where everyone was at.

Elias and Mel were tending to Eve, James, Adina, and Elise. Elise looked like she was beginning to stir awake, while the others were still out cold.

Makiel stood off to the side, silently staring at everything in horror. Not far from him stood Clandestine, holding Alistair in a tight embrace while he wept in her arms. And further back was Raj, who seemed to already be burying the dead.

And then there was Hendrik, who was staring at him, wide-eyed, and clearly still in shock.

Maybe he hadn't closed his eyes in time.

"What in the bloody hell just happened!" he spat out as he stared at Bo like he had all the answers, finally recovering from his shock.

Bo wanted to answer, but his mouth was full of blood - at this point, just as much the blood of humans as his own.

It made him want to vomit.

He stumbled closer to Elias and Mel, finding himself unable to form a word, nevermind a sentence.

"Easy," Hendrik said as he wrapped his arm around Bo's waist, steadying him so he wouldn't fall. "You need to see the doc. Don't push yourself."

Under different circumstances, Bo might've disagreed. But he could feel himself reaching his limit, and he knew better than to test fate.

Mel turned around, worry filling her eyes as she looked him up and down, at all of the blood pooling out of his chest and mouth.

Mel said something to Elias, who was crouched by Elise - whose eyes were open, but bleary. Bo didn't catch it as the sound of his own blood rumbling filled his ears.

As Mel ran forward, Bo felt his body give out. Hendrik caught him, but everything was starting to blur as he was laid on his back and Mel hovered over him.

What had he told her?

If I'm killed, I will not have you sacrifice yourself to bring me back.

He supposed this was a grey area. And he didn't have much control over anything now. Not while blood filled his lungs and his heart began to spasm.

Mel's face above him grew blurry, and even though he could feel the rush of life pouring into him through her hands, he could feel the lapse of consciousness coming just the same.

The last thing he saw was light.

Everything was so quiet after all the mage hunters died. The pressure was gone. The visions, the memories, the voices that haunted him - gone.

All that remained was a whisper in Elias's head. It was his own voice, telling him what he should do next. He knew what he had to do next. It repeated over and over, droning like a military order.

Elias steadied Elise's head on his lap, watching her wake up. Her eyes flitted open, but he knew she wasn't fully conscious yet.

"Hi, sis," he said quietly, knowing that Mel would hear since she was checking to make sure that James, Evaline, and Adina were alright.

But he didn't care. He wanted Elise to hear this.

Elise only stirred, lightly moaning, but otherwise not giving any other indication that she was present.

"I'm glad you're okay. I love you," Elias said, watching as her somewhat vacant gaze stared back up at him.

It seemed that they were safe... for now.

Bo had returned with all the bodies. Everyone was coming out of their stupor. They were all shocked, but they would recover.

Bo fumbled forward, but Hendrik caught him, helping him get closer to Mel. At that, Elias backed away, carefully setting Elise's head back on the ground.

Bo was bleeding. Badly. Elias knew he took most of the damage to make sure everyone else was safe. It seemed that he was wafting in and out of consciousness.

"The others are stable," Mel said. "Stay with them while I check on the others."

Elias nodded, taking initiative to quickly go in the wagon to grab the bag of medical supplies that he had rifled through days ago with James.

"Here," he said, hastily setting it by Mel before he turned away.

But not to check on the others. He was going through the dead bodies first, wondering if there was anything salvageable. There were varying weapons - from swords, to daggers, to arrows. He picked up the more sturdier ones, but that wasn't his main objective.

Elias was looking for lumshade.

There were a few darts laying on the ground. Under the guise of picking up weapons, Elias pocketed a few darts, being discrete.

Satisfied, Elias patted his chest, no longer feeling the necklace that Adina gave him. He wanted to make sure he placed it around her neck already, which he did when he pried her away from the dead mage hunter holding her back.

Was there anything else holding him back?

He couldn't think of anything else. Not with the little time he had remaining.

He could hear the voice in his head, whispering louder and louder what he needed to do. What he must do. It was starting to become a headache. A quiet, dull headache.

Focused, Elias dropped off some weapons near where their campsite used to be. A layer of blood and dead bodies hid everything, but he knew eventually they would clean up.

He glanced around the camp again. Mel was busy healing Bo, Hendrik was crouching over him, Clandestine was hugging Alistair, Raj and Makiel were starting to bury bodies... All while Evaline, James, Mel, and Jordan were still unconscious.

Elias decided to check on the animals. It was amazing that their animals survived this to begin with. Bongo, Elliot, and the others seemed unscathed.

Elias wasn't looking for them, though. He was looking for Higgins, the riding fox who often wasn't used to ride because he was better used in the short-term. Higgins could run fast for short distances, but was unable to trot for farther long distances without growing weary.

It was just what he needed.

Without wasting another beat, Elias sat on his saddle, remembering the old animal riding trainings he went through. It had been a long time since he rode an animal, but he didn't need to do this perfectly.

Elias didn't check to see what was in his saddle, nor did he glance behind him as he then pulled on Higgin's reigns sending him sprinting through the dark forests, going in the opposite direction they came from.

The whispers grew louder. More urgent.

How was he going to do it?

Did he have rope? No... he didn't think so. Plus, he wasn't sure that was how he wanted to die. Drowning wasn't either. Fire was painful. Drugs would never work.

He was tired of hurting himself. He was tired of bleeding.

Elias wanted to fall. He wanted to climb the tallest summit, and he wanted to fall.

The darts of lumshade sat heavy in his pocket as he steered Higgins through the night, tightly holding the reigns.

Elias made his decision. He knew where he'd go. It didn't need to be a tall height. He just wanted some height.

After making his decision, the whispers in his head finally died down.

Everything was quiet again, and it was peaceful.

Bo woke up with a shuddered gasp. His eye shot open as a flood overlapping voices swirled around him.

He was lying on the ground. Bandaged, across his chest. He could sense a group of people huddled near to him. He could feel Mel's magic, waning.

She was getting spent. He wondered how much of her magic she'd spent on him.

"You saw him take... Higgins?" Elise asked quietly, sounding exasperated.

"Yes... isn't he scouting?" Makiel asked.

"Could be. What else would he do? Run to find more hunters before they'd find him?" Hendrik said.

"Could you stop moving, Hendrik?" Mel said, sounding snappier than usual. She had to be tired.

Hendrik sighed. "Yes, doc."

"I also saw Elias run off with Higgins earlier," Mel mentioned quickly, sounding preoccupied. "But I had my hands tied with all of this."

Bo sat up. Probably too quickly.

He looked around the camp, seeing Mel sitting with Clandestine, Makiel, Alistair, Raj, and Hendrik, who were all in various states of medical care and healing. Closeby, Jordan, Mel, Eve, Adina, and James were all only beginning to stir, looking barely conscious.

Elise got on all fours, shaking as she willed herself to stand, even though she was weak and already buckling under her own weight.

"Hey, doc, I don't think you should move either," Hendrik said.

"Elias -- I don't think -- I don't think he's coming back," Elise whimpered, her voice wavering.

Everyone was turned away from him. Bo got to his feet, gritting his teeth as he suppressed the pain and walked over to Elise. She was sitting helplessly in fear, only looking up when Bo approached. She stared up at him with wide, teary eyes.

No one else seemed to understand the weight of Elise's words, but Bo understood before she even said them. Elias had left, and if he had it his way, he would never come back. He would throw himself off the deep end until he ultimately destroyed himself.

He was... he was going to try to kill himself. Wasn't he? It sounded like he'd only been gone a few minutes, maybe. Hopefully that wasn't long enough for him to try anything yet.

Bo leaned down to gently rest his hand on Elise's shoulder.

"Bo--" Mel started to say, sounding like she was ready to scold him, but the look on his and Elise's faces must've stopped her. Bo briefly met her eyes with a look of severity, and she bit her lip, nodding as she turned back to Alistair, whom she was healing.

Bo set his attention back on Elise.

"How long has he been missing?" Bo asked softly.

"I... I don't know. I only -- I only woke up a few minutes ago," Elise said, unable to hide the panic in her voice.

"He left a few minutes after you passed out," Makiel answered for her, close by and listening.

Of course. He left when Bo wasn't conscious. When Bo wasn't there to stop him.

That made Bo's heart sink.

"Mel," Bo said, looking up to her again.

She paused in her healing, turning to meet his eyes, giving him her full attention.

"I leave this ship for you to sail, now," Bo said, getting to his feet. "Everyone, you answer to Mel now. And you will respect her as your leader in my absence. As for me, I have a lost soldier to find."

Bo looked down to Elise.

Hendrik was quick to his feet. "Bo, you're hurt. Let me come with you."

"Hendrik," Bo said. "My presence kept larger threats at bay. Without me, they'll need you to ward off the monsters in these wilds more than ever."

Hendrik stared at him for a moment, but then nodded and understood, standing down.

"Elise," Bo said more gently, reaching down to offer her a hand to help her up.

She weakly took his hand, and he gently helped her stand on her feet. He pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I'm going to find your brother," Bo whispered to her. "Okay?"

Bo could tell she was trying to stay strong, holding in a cry.

"And I'm going to keep him safe," Bo said. "I haven't forgotten my promise."

"Bo... please stay safe," she whispered, embracing him back.

Bo understood what she was trying to say.

They'd only just narrowly escaped the hands of what - now that he could see more clearly - had to have been over 50 mage-hunters. The dramatic loss of life was going to take a toll on all of them, especially with how bloody the fight had become.

Elise understood what all of them knew to be true: 50 people dissapearing and never coming back was going to cause waves, and they weren't going to be out of the woods yet.

And Bo couldn't help but feel like... it was still possible that someone got away. They would've been even more careful this time.

What if he'd missed someone? What if his secret got out?

It was even more important for him to leave the group, now. And someone had to make sure Elias didn't...

Bo let out a deep sigh, knowing he didn't have time to waste.

He pulled away, holding Elise at her shoulders, an arm's length away.

Her eyes were welled up and glossy with tears, and he could see that she was overwhelmed with worry for her brother, not to mention everything that had happened in the attack.

Bo gently squeezed her shoulders.

"Elise," Bo said gently. "I know Mel is expending a lot of her energy to heal right now. I need you to trust me that I'm going to find Elias so that right now, you can be present to help the rest of our group that's hurting. I know it's hard. But can you do that for me, Elise?"

Elise swallowed. "I can do that," she said quietly.

"Okay. Hang in there for me," Bo said, pulling her in for one more tight hug before he let go, pulling away fully this time. "Now go help Mel."

Elise nodded, swaying on her feet for a moment and hesitating, but then turned around to help Mel, only giving Bo another glance back as a goodbye.

Bo nodded, noticing that everyone else conscious and aware enough seemed to turn to look at him expectantly, waiting for a last goodbye.

Bo flashed a small smile.

"You're all acting like I died or something," he said lightly. "But it takes more than that to kill a dragon."

With a small smirk, he looked at Hendrik.

"You might want to close your eyes," he said, giving him a few more seconds to respond this time.

Hendrik groaned and looked away. "Not again," he said, not amused.

"Sorry," Bo said. "It's the fastest way to travel. And this, I think we can all agree, is an urgent matter."

At that, there was a flash of light.

Taking on his dragon skin, he felt more comfortable, and though the pain of his still-healing wounds still lingered, somehow, it felt more bearable in a larger body.

This time, it seemed everyone below him was still in shock from the attack, but also still greatly unaccustomed to his dragon form. At least, apart from his few close friends who'd already known him longer.

He noted that Clanny gave him a small, sad wave goodbye.

None of them ever spoke of it to the others, because her dragonhood was kept even more of a secret than his, but between the two of them, they'd always had a quiet understanding. There was something about being a dragon - in experience - that no one else could ever fully understand. And there was always some solace in being near one another, even if they never spoke of it freely.

In some ways, Bo did envy her for having such a small circle of people who knew, even if it'd only recently changed for him.

There was always a feeling of safety in that secrecy. And the more people that knew, the less safe he felt. But maybe that was all an illusion in the first place...

He was always more vulnerable in his human form, anyway.

Once he had taken flight, he took in a deep breath, focusing his senses to single out Elias and Higgins, and fortunately, they weren't difficult to smell out. Unfortunately, the main reason was that Elias still reeked of his magic, which felt like it was billowing out of him now, like a smoke signal.

It looked like Elias had retraced their steps, going back through the wilds. He'd already made good distance on Higgins, it seemed. He must've been hurrying - travelling fast on the lightweight giant fox towards what looked like the rocky cliffs they'd passed by earlier that day.

Already, Bo knew what Elias was going to try to do.

He dashed across the sky, whipping through the air. For him, it took him mere seconds to get where Elias had gone in, at most, 20 minutes. Before he even arrived, he could sense where Elias and Higgins were - only just climbing up to the highest precipice.

Bo shifted as he came in for a landing, standing just in front of them.

But Elias acted like he wasn't even there.

He just kept going, still riding Higgins up the incline, working his way to the edge of the cliff without giving Bo any acknowledgement. He rode Higgins at full speed, only slowing down when he got to the edge. Although, it didn't seem that Elias motioned for Higgins to slow. Higgins seemed to understand that they were approaching dangerous territory, disobeying Elias's commands and slowing to a stop once they reached the edge.

Elias paid him no mind, quickly jumping off to dismount. Focused, Elias walked along the edge of the cliff, stopping at the pointed edge as he looked down.

"Elias," Bo said, following behind him. But Elias didn't respond. Didn't even look back.

Bo hurried up to him, knowing Elias was mere steps away from a deadly fall. Elias had his back towards him, but there was movement with his arms as he pulled something from inside his pocket, using both arms to hold and shuffle the object still out of Bo's view. Though Bo couldn't see it, he could smell it.

Lumshade. He must've gotten it off one of the fallen hunters.

And then Elias lept forward.

Bo's arms shot out and grabbed him, pulling him in rapidly. His arms wrapped around Elias tightly, but the moment he grabbed him, he could feel Elias trying to fight it.

And then he started to feel the sting of lumshade in his veins.

Elias was pushing it out of his system and transfering it to Bo. Bo growled, albeit, involuntarily as he fought against the drug and Elias's stubborness to kill himself.

Elias tried to pry his arms away, but Bo thought faster. He spun Elias around, running him away from the cliff only to tackle him to the ground, reaching for the pocket in his jacket where the lumshade darts were hidden.

Once Elias was prone, it seemed he'd already given up. His head was down, his jaw clenched, and his brows were furrowed as he avoided making eye contact with Bo. Bo pulled the darts out of Elias's pocket, getting off of Elias and to his feet, crushing the remaining darts in his hands before tossing the remains off the side of the cliff.

Gods, he felt woozy.

With a heavy sigh, he sat down next to Elias with a thump. Elias had already sat up, but he continued to hang his head low, avoiding eye contact.

"Well," Bo said. "The lumshade helps with the pain a little, actually."

Elias didn't say anything back.

Bo looked over at Elias, but he still didn't dare to look up at Bo.

Bo had a sinking feeling that this was going to take a very, very long time before Elias even started to open up. But he'd had that feeling for a while, now.

Bo rubbed his forehead, leaning forward, letting the silence between the two of them linger for a bit. Elias had already dissociated and shut down, but he was clearly thinking something. Bo was just going to wait.

"Are you going to punish me?" Elias suddenly asked, still not moving.

"Punish you?" Bo asked. "No. I'm just relieved you're still here."

It felt like Elias was always assuming the worst from Bo, even though Bo had never done anything - at least, knowingly - to warrant it.

He had a feeling it wasn't about him so much as it was about Elias's past.

"Alright," Elias said quietly, then finally got to his feet, standing still for a moment as he scanned their surroundings.

And then he walked away, back towards Higgins.

"Elise is worried about you," Bo said, forcing himself to his feet again. "Would you let me lead you back?"

Elias didn't say anything as he approached Higgins, but before he mounted on him, he hesitated and finally looked back at Bo, meeting his eye. For a few seconds, Elias stared at him, his jaw still clenched and his brows still pinched together. No words were exchanged, but Bo knew he was denying his request. Elias tore his stare away, mounting back on to Higgins.

"I know you're going to hate me for this," Bo said. "But I'm going to follow you, if you're not going to return."

Bo wasn't sure if Elias was paying him any attention since he was busy adjusting the saddle, but as soon as Bo finished, he motioned for Higgins to continue riding until he obediently sprinted back down the cliffside.

This was going to be exhausting, but Bo was determined. He ran behind him and Higgins, keeping up even as his head seemed to spin. The lumshade was still spinning through his system, and probably would for the next few minutes. But if he worked up a sweat enough, it'd get out of his system faster.

Gods, what he'd give for a horse or something. But until then, he'd keep running.

Eve felt like she was waking from a horrific dream that she couldn't remember. Warbled voices echoed in her head until light entered her vision.

She slowly opened her eyes, vision blurry as she tried to focus and make out who was speaking and what she was seeing.

Blood stained the grass near them. Metallic iron pooled in her mouth. Mel's familiar voice was heard nearby.

Repressing a groan, Eve slowly sat up as she tried to tune into the conversation.

"Is he coming back? Are we... going on without them?" Mel asked, worried.

"That's what it sounds like," Jordan said slower, his words a little slurred.

"But shouldn't we wait?" Adina spoke up, sounding anxious.

"I don't think that's up to us," Jordan said.

Eve didn't know what they were talking about, but she found herself being too busy looking for James. She quickly looked around, but immediately saw him laying right beside her, still unconscious. Sighing a breath of relief, Eve let her gaze linger on him a little longer before she finally looked around their surroundings, trying to analyze the situation.

Eve's eyes went wide as she stared in horror at the sight around them.

She thought she had seen violence... but this was unprecedented.

Bodies were strewn about. Some were missing limbs. Others were missing heads. Some were only limbs. Some were only blood and guts. The sun was starting to peek out of the sky, casting dim light across the camp. Its rays glittered across the pools of blood like a demented painting.

Eve felt sick, forcing herself to look away as she focused on the others around them. Mel, Jordan, and Adina were nearby, not noticing she was awake yet since she was behind them. A few yards away, Hendrik, Dr. Aradis, Raj, Clandestine, Alistair, Elise, and Makiel were all gathered, talking.

Bo and Elias seemed to be missing.

"Adina... Mel," Eve finally called, disrupting their conversation.

Their heads whipped around to her.

"Eve! You're up," Mel said with a sigh of relief.

Adina's eyes started to well up with tears, and her lower lip trembled for a moment as she reached forward, pulling Eve into a tight hug of relief.

Eve hesitated but then hugged her back, giving her a squeeze. But her head was spinning, and she knew she had just woke up to something that went terribly wrong.

"What happened?" she whispered.

"I-I--" Adina started to answer, but only started to cry.

Eve hugged her a little tighter, looking up at Mel unexpectedly instead.

"Mage hunters attacked," Mel said solemnly. "They released lumshade smoke while we were asleep. The five of us were out immediately. The others fought."

Eve swallowed thickly. She vaguely remembered waking up to a panicked cough, but it felt like a hazy dream. Before she could even react, she was out cold.

She had never felt so powerless.

"Everyone is fine. Mel and Elise healed everyone. But... Elias ran away. Bo left to find him," Mel finished. "That's all we know from Raj so far."

"Elias ran away?" Eve repeated, still in shock. "Why?"

Adina finally pulled away, nodding tearfully as she wiped her face.

"We're not sure," Mel said. "He didn't say. He just... left, apparently. And I think we'll have to go on without them, but Bo will be keeping him safe."

Eve didn't know what to say. She stared at the carnage, at the dozens of bodies piled around their camp - and she felt like she was looking at the answer.

Elias fought with his magic, didn't he?

"I think we'll get more answers once James wakes up," Mel continued. "We only got up maybe... five, ten minutes ago. And I think the others are almost ready to circle back to us."

Eve nodded, glancing back at James, but he was still unconscious.

"Are you alright, Adina?" she asked softly.

Adina shook her head, still wiping her eyes and sniffling. Eve could see that her hands were shaking. She was trembling like a leaf in the wind.

Eve felt her heart sink. Adina had likely never seen violence on this scale before. Or perhaps, not much violence at all.

"I know. It's scary. I'm sorry you have to see all this. We'll get through it," Eve said.

"Eve... do you think...?" Mel asked, trailing off.

But Eve knew what she was asking. She was connecting the dots too.

Eve nodded. "That's my best guess. But we don't know yet."

Mel was quiet, her gaze drifting down. "There had to have been dozens of them. Forty... maybe fifty... even sixty. How did they find us?"

Eve was about to entertain Mel's question, but then she noticed that Adina was hyperventilating, breathing in anxious jagged breaths as if she were having a panic attack. She quickly leaned forward again, embracing her and holding her close.

"Hey, it's alright. Breathe in, breathe out. I've got you," Eve said gently.

Adina leaned into Eve's embrace, and it sounded like she was struggling to take deep breaths, but she was trying.

"Breathe with me. In... and out. In... and out," Eve instructed, repeating her words with each passing breath, faster at first, but then slowing down so Adina could slow her breaths as well.

It seemed that the verbal affirmation was helping. Adina was able to follow along.

"One last time," Eve said once Adina seemed to be breathing at a more normal pace. "Deep breath in... deep breath out." Eve then slightly pulled away, examining Adina. "Better?"

Adina nodded, visibly less shaky, and at least breathing now at a normal rate, but Eve had a feeling it would take her some time to be fully grounded again.

"Oh, Adina..." Mel said softly, worry and sympathy painted across her face. "It's alright. Let it out. This is scary stuff."

"I think I'm going to go check on the others," Jordan said, slowly getting to his feet.

Mel nodded. "Can you let us know if they need more help? Or if they have more information? But I know we should be moving again pretty soon..."

"I'll let you know," Jordan said quietly, his hand gently grazing Mel's shoulder before he began to step through the scattered mess of dead bodies.

Meanwhile, Adina had started to cry again, but it at least seemed less panicked this time.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked, her voice cracking. "I'm--I've just-- nothing like this has ever happened like--like this before."

"This is shocking, I know. I've never seen anything like this before, either. I know it's disturbing," Eve said, then paused. "It's okay to ignore it. You don't have to look at any of this anymore. I wished you didn't have to look at this at all."

Adina nodded, more overtly covering her eyes now - and Eve realized maybe that's what all the eye rubbing had been about all along.

"Adina, why don't we walk you to the wagon?" Mel asked, but her eyes rested on Eve.

Eve understood that Mel wanted to protect Adina from the sight, shielding her from seeing any more of the carnage.

"Okay," Adina said shakily.

"Alright. Close your eyes. We'll help you up. I've got your right side. Eve, get her left side, yeah?" Mel said, already getting up to her feet.

Eve was quick to act as well, and together they helped Adina up, holding her hands and helping her steer past the bodies of people.

"Just a little to your left here. There's a giant boulder. Wouldn't want to run into that," Mel said casually as they passed a pile of shredded bodies, making sure to direct Adina over the puddles of blood.

The bugs were already starting to come in. If they stayed long enough, she was sure that the sunlight would start to decompose the bodies, causing a putrid stench.

What a mess left behind...

Eve didn't even know if they could clean it up like last time. If they did, it would be hard to stomach. Even she could hardly bear to look at the carnage for too long.

Eventually, they reached the wagon. Mel was gentle, praising Adina as she coaxed her to step into the wagon. Once they helped her in, Mel hopped in and set up a curtain to cover the edge of the wagon. There were some bloody weapons strewn about, so she quickly tossed them over the edge and wiped the smeared blood with a rag.

"There!" Mel said triumphantly. "You're in your cozy home for the day. You can open your eyes now."

Adina tore her hands away from her eyes, taking in another deep breath.

"I --you guys are--" she stuttered, before finally blurting. "Thank you. You don't have to... to stay."

"Please. That's what friends are for, Adina," Mel said with a big smile, although Eve knew she was forcing herself to be overly optimistic to keep her spirits high.

"We may have to help pack up and clean up... Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself? One of us can stay with you," Eve said.

"I'll be okay. You need to... yeah," Adina said with a shaky nod.

"Okay. But if you want company, just squeak my name, and I'll zip right over," Mel said. "Or Eve's. Either one. My feelings won't be hurt."

"Okay," Adina said quietly, tucking her legs up to hug them as she settled into the wagon's corner.

Eve and Mel shared another mutual look of understanding. Eve nodded, and they backed out of the wagon, stepping down and being careful to slip through the curtain discreetly. They walked around the same path again - which was really the only path that wasn't covered by body parts - as both of them let the horror of the situation sink in in silence.

They both knew what Elias was capable of. But seeing it was different. It didn't feel real until it was staring at her right in the face.

When they came back around, Eve saw that James was sitting up. He didn't turn to look at them, nor did he react as they approached. His eyes were glued onto the bodies around them.

"James," Eve called, immediately tending to his side, trying to grab his attention by obstructing his view. "How are you feeling?"

James, however, didn't seem to see her. His eyes were still focused somewhere else - like he was looking through her.

"Alright, I'm sick of this," Mel said with a sigh.

With her illusion magic, she cast a blurry wall around them. It was mostly transparent, but matted with an orange hue.

"...Thanks," Eve said.

"Yeah. Don't mention it," Mel said blandly, but she was focused on sending colorful butterflies flying around the wall, like it was a screen.

"James?" Eve called again, turning her attention back to him, worry creased in her face as she pleaded for him to acknowledge her.

He still stared past her.

"Hm. Maybe his head's somewhere else. He does space out sometimes," Mel said.

"Yeah... Yeah, maybe," Eve said softly, holding his hand as she waited, evaluating other options in her head if it came to that.

After what felt like an eternity, James's dead-eyed stare finally broke with a blink, and he finally looked at Eve, meeting her eyes. He seemed surprised to see her - so much so that he jerked back, like he hadn't even been aware of how close she was to him.

"Hey, it's alright," Eve said quickly. "You were out of it for a moment there. Are you feeling okay?"

James swallowed, mouthing words while none came out as he looked around them in confusion, staring at the orange butterflies in the air.

"What...?" he finally said. He was breathing hard.

"What, would you rather stare at bloody bodies?" Mel huffed. "You're welcome."

James shot a pained look in her direction, but looked away, shaking his head. He rubbed at his temples.

"What happened?" James asked.

"Dozens of mage hunters attacked in our sleep," Eve said. "We were smoked with lumshade and didn't see the fight. Everyone is alright. We're processing, cleaning, and packing up." She paused. "But -- Elias ran away, and Bo went after him. We don't know much more than that right now."

Eve knew James enough to know that he hadn't truly fully processed what she said yet, but he was already pulling himself together as she spoke, nodding and steeling his emotions, at least, outwardly. He still seemed a little out of it, but she had a feeling that was the lumshade.

"How are you feeling?" Eve asked instead.

James's brows twitched together, and he shook his head quickly.

"I don't-- I don't know. It's-- we were out for the whole thing, weren't we?" he asked instead.

"Yes. Most of us woke up not too long ago," Eve said. "Adina, Mel, Jordan, you, and I were smoked."

"And... okay. Okay," James said, nodding, like he was finally putting it all together.

"Do you want more time to process?" Eve asked.

She wished she could stay with him and go through all his worries now, but she knew they didn't have time for this. They probably didn't have much time to totally reconvene as a group.

James shook his head and with a huff, forced himself to his feet. With a serious, sober expression, he turned to look at Mel.

"You can drop the illusion," he said quietly.

Mel seemed like she wanted to make another comment, but then decided against it, silently letting her illusion fade. The three of them stared in silence at the grim reality in front of them.

The sun was already coming up now, casting its light across all the bodies. Every time Eve looked, she seemed to notice more and more of them. The ground, the bushes, the trees... everywhere, in different positions, with different injuries.

James reached out and took Eve's hand. Wordlessly, he began to lead her forward, finding a way through the bodies towards the others.

The rest of the group was previously sitting, but at first sight of the three of them approaching, they quickly got up on their feet. Eve could tell on their faces that no one was in the mood for jolly hellos. Everyone was sullen and serious.

"I'm glad to see you're all conscious again," Mel Aradis spoke up, stepping forward as the rest of the group backed up a little, making space for the three.

"We're going to need to get moving again," Mel continued. "So I'm going to need everyone who is able to find and pack their belongings if they're retrievable. Everyone focus on getting to your mounts or the wagon, and Raj and I will take care of the bodies. Jordan and Hendrik, please stay back to help as well. We'll catch everyone up on what happened once we're further away from all of this. I think we all need a moment to breathe."

"Yes, boss," Hendrik said, standing stiffly. "You heard her, folks. Get to your stations."

"As for Elias," Mel added. "I know you all must be worried for him, but we're going to have to trust Bo to bring him back to us. The death of a small army like this one won't go unnoticed, and we're going to need to hurry our way to New Haven as quickly as possible if we want to avoid something like this happening again."

After taking in a deep breath, she nodded. "Alright. Let's move."

Elias had failed again, but for much different reasons.

It was fine. He was sure he'd have more opportunities in the future. Yet, without the lumshade... he wasn't sure he'd go through with it.

Bianca was right. Now that he had the freedom of having a choice... he wasn't too different from her after all.

Focused, Elias rode down the cliff side with Higgins, knowing that the giant fox was going to get tired soon. But he couldn't think that far ahead, not knowing what else he would do.

He could walk. No. He would run. He would run far, and long, and fast. Bo would be behind him, but he didn't care. He could follow him. It didn't matter.

Elias thought of all the places he could go. He wanted to go to another mountain, but he didn't know where to find one. He wanted to keep climbing, but at the same time, he didn't want to climb with Bo behind him.

If he couldn't go up, then he would go down.

Elias wanted to sink.

Where was the nearest body of water? They passed a lake a day ago... or was it two days ago? Or did they not even find one? Was it his imagination? Or maybe he saw it in the distance?

He tried to remember the memory and the direction of the sun. They were walking north, and he remembered seeing it on his right side, which meant...

He had to travel east.

Elias pushed Higgins faster, feeling antsy to get there sooner and to lose Bo. He didn't know how close he was behind him, but he didn't want to look back.

The water beckoned him, but Elias didn't want to drown. He wanted to sink. He wanted to see how long and how far he could sink.

Minutes droned on, but Elias lost concept of time. It felt like they had just left the cliffside when Higgins started to slow down to a reasonably trot. Elias figured he was getting tired, but up ahead, he saw figures in the distance. A few more seconds of staring, and Elias realized these weren't figures of people.

They were figures of animals. Higgins slowed down, appearing cautious as they rode through what appeared an empty camp. Horses were tied along trees. There was a wagon and a fire that hadn't been lit since yesterday.

Elias came to a stop, slowly dismounting as he continued to glance around. It was late morning now. It would be odd to leave animals and supplies out in the middle of the clearing like this.

This was an abandoned camp.

Elias approached the wagon, stepping in and glancing around, rifling through crates. There were boxes of food, arrows, bed rolls, and other supplies. Elias stood frozen in place, realization dawning on him. Before he could fully process the thought, he quickly rifled through the other crates, looking for darts.

There were not any. If this were an abandoned mage hunter camp, they took all their lumshade with them.

Elias took another moment to let the realization hit, knowing that this must be the camp of the dozens of mages that attacked them yesterday.

They weren't coming back, but that was fine. He needed to switch out from Higgins anyways.

Grabbing a canteen, Elias stepped out the wagon and bee-lined back towards Higgins, who obediently sat, panting and waiting for his next order. He opened the canteen and let Higgins lick up the water as he rifled through his saddle bag. There were many hunting supplies in here, but Elias was looking for anything that could have Hendrik's scent.

There was a gun that Elias recognized to be Hendrik's. He took it out and held it for a few seconds, staring at it before checking to see if it was loaded.

It was not.

Elias then offered the gun to Higgins, crouching down and holding it to his nose. Higgins sniffed it profusely, then sniffed the air before trotting away.

He watched Higgins walk off, hoping him the best. Elias had heard Hendrik boast about Higgin's hunting abilities, and he only hoped that also meant he was a good tracker.

After Higgins disappeared behind the trees, Elias focused on the nearest horse next. There was one behind him tied to a nearby tree. He petted his scout, noting the dark brown color that matched its curious eyes staring back at him.

It had been so long since he had ridden a horse. He could hardly even remember the trainings, but he made it on Higgins this far, so he was sure it would be fine.

He hefted himself up to the horse, balcning on top as he tried to remember his trainings from years ago. He wanted to avoid falling off whenever possible.

"Did you send Higgins off to find Hendrik?" Bo asked from behind him.

Elias faltered, forgetting that Bo was here. A part of him thought that he lost him.

He hesitated, but then looked over his shoulder, noticing Bo was on a horse as well. A rather big horse, too.

"Yeah," Elias answered, focusing ahead again as he reached for the reins, steadying it in his hands. He squinted and stared up at the sky, reorienting himself so he could prepare to go east.

"I hope he makes it back safely," Bo said quietly, but said nothing else.

Elias took a deep breath, flicking his wrists as he sent the horse trotting. Slow at first, then faster so he could get to the lake faster. Elias had to focus on balancing himself for the first few minutes, but he then got the gist of it and listened for any other sounds. He could hear Bo behind him, matching his pace on his own horse.

Elias didn't really want to think about Bo right now. It didn't seem like he had any control on whether he stayed or left, so there was no use in fighting it.

They rode for a while, although Elias felt like only a short amount of time had passed. He was aware of the afternoon sky peaking behind the cloudy skies. He was aware of Bo behind him. He was aware of his horse slowing down when he was getting tired.

But at the same time, it was like Elias was only observing, letting time pass by instantly.

The thought of water washed in his mind. He remembered James mentioning his ocean paradise. The idea beckoned to him like a siren.

Finally, they reached the lake. Elias saw it from a distance at first, but then quickened the horse's pace, feeling antsy to get there sooner. The lake grew larger as they approached until finally Elias slowed to a stop, staring at the glistening green water on top of his horse.

"If you keep riding your horse like that, you're going to run it into the ground within days," Bo said softly, pulling his horse up beside his. "It needs breaks. And water. Time to graze."

Elias hesitated again, processing that Bo was closer than he thought. His eyes drifted to Bo's horse, noticing that even his horse was getting tired.

"Alright," he said, dismounting his horse and then petting its snout, just now noticing how tired the horse was.

Elias gently led the horse around the lake towards an open clearing where there was grass nearby the lake. He led the horse towards the edge, watching as the horse bent down to lap up the water.

Slowly, Elias let go of the reins, letting the horse have its freedom.

He should probably tie him up somewhere, but... he wanted to give the horse freedom instead. If it wanted to run away, Elias would let him.

Instead, the horse continued to drink, obviously thirsty. And then it turned its head and started to munch on the grass.

Elias realized he was also parched and hungry, but he didn't want to eat or drink right now. Instead, he took a step forward, watching his boots submerge in the water. The water lapped by his ankles.

Slowly, Elias took more steps in, but then stopped when the water got just below his knees. He instead sat down and crossed his legs, letting the water submerge his lower body as he stared across the lake.

Before he could get too lost in his own thoughts, Elias heard Bo enter the water as well, trekking even further than he went. Elias stared as Bo went further in, stopping when the water reached his knees. Bo looked out over the lake with a long sigh and then reached his hands down into the water, splashing his face.

Elias decided to ignore him, focusing his gaze back towards the other side of the lake so that he didn't have to have Bo in his field of view. He stared in silence, the familiar whispers in his head telling him what he should do. But it was quiet this time, hardly audible. It felt less of an order and more like a suggestion.

Elias felt lost in time again. As he stared across the lake, small visions flashed in his mind slowly. First it was bubbles, the water sloshing against his ear as bubbles rose to the surface. He stared back at the lake, knowing he wasn't there anymore. But then he remembered the seconds leading up to it. The air escaping his mouth, bubbling to the surface. Bianca pulling him down. Fighting her. Pulling away. Her yelling at him underwater, telling him to do it. To take some life from her.

Elias felt a headache return. It looked like it was late afternoon now. How long had he been sitting here?

"Oh baby, that felt good, didn't it? Let's do it again," Bianca said next to him with a devilish smile, her wet blonde hair sticking to her face and clothes.

Elias groaned. He knew he was imagining things again. Sitting in this lake made him think of her again. He didn't want to remember her anymore.

He suddenly got up, hastily taking off his boots and throwing them towards the land before walking around the lake, trudging through still with the water just below his knees. Elias needed to find a different spot. He needed to find a different spot where he could sit in silence.

There was so much noise... There was always so much noise.

The noise of the water splashing against his body started to get to Elias, but so was the same noise behind him. Bo was following.

It didn't matter. He needed to keep walking. He needed to find a different spot...

He wanted to sink. Where could he sink? There had to be a spot, like an underwater cliff...

The memory of him finding a similar cliff in the past played in his head like static, but broken and fragmented - like a shattered mirror playing the same scene over, and over again.

He wanted to sink. How long had he wanted to sink? How long had he had this wish?

It didn't matter. What mattered now was that he could willingly sink now. He could truly see how long he could hold his breath without anyone berating him to get back up, and without his instinct taking over before he could pass out.

Elias didn't want to drown. He just wanted to sink.

He didn't know how long he walked, but he kept going, rounding the perimeter until he could feel the current change against the skin of his feet. It was subtle - so subtle - but due to the murkiness of the water, he knew he wouldn't be able to see where the water dropped unless he got closer.

So that was what Elias did. He proceeded with caution, taking slow steps to make sure he still had solid footing with each step. It wasn't until he got to his hips that Elias felt his foot dangle in the water.

He took a careful step back, standing at the ledge and looking over the lake again. After a few minutes, Elias crouched down, the water coming to his chest now.

He stared at his hands. He didn't realize until now how shaky he had gotten. It dawned on him that the water was frigid. He was shivering.

Elias set his hand down on lap again, letting it submerge in the water.

And then he stared across the lake in still silence again, blocking out all the noise.

It was nice to let the time go by like this. The sun was starting to set now. It glistened across the lake.

Elias thought he just wanted to sink, but... this was nice.

This was nice, wasn't it?

But it could be nicer. It could be quieter.

Still crouching, Elias then dived in head-first, the water totally engulfing him. Elias opened his eyes but only saw the darkness of the lake. He didn't waste another beat, swimming fast towards the sinkhole, the water muting all sounds.

It was dark and it was quiet. But he wanted to sink further.

But he couldn't get very far.

Suddenly a giant hand - a dragon's hand - wrapped around him. The padded, lizard-like claws held him firmly, but didn't squeeze. Then he felt himself going upward.

Up, up, up, until he broke through the water's surface and was brought into the light.

Bo's massive dragon form swirled around the lake like a serpent, and he lifted Elias up, holding him over the water as he gently placed him on the shore, near the horses who were still grazing in the fading light of the sunset.

Sunset. It was sunset. It was supposed to be a nice sight, but everything felt too bright now.

When Bo released him, he remained a dragon, and he sat in the water, portions of his long body sticking out, along with his head which faces Elias squarely. Elias dropped his stare, instead staring at the ground as he wrapped his arms around him, clenching his jaw to stop himself from shivering and shaking.

He didn't feel cold, yet his body was reacting to the temperature changes. Elias tightly closed his eyes, trying to ignore the noise that reverberated in his head, saying he failed again.

"We should warm up," Bo said in front of him, and Elias could hear the human footsteps sloshing to the shore. "It's going to get colder tonight. You should get out of your wet clothes."

Elias felt frozen in place, sitting still as he wrapped his arms around him, bringing his knees close as well.

Bo rested a hand on Elias's shoulder.

"I'll get a fire going," Bo said softly. "Would you like me to grab you a change of clothes?"

Elias didn't respond.

"I'll grab them for you," Bo said instead, pulling away as he walked past him.

With a sigh, Elias felt tension leave his body as Bo walked away, although he knew it was going to be short-lived. He placed his shaking hand in front of him and stared at it before dropping it, taking another deep breath as he stared across the lake again.

Bo returned with clothes, folded in his hands. He set them on the ground beside Elias.

"I'll get that fire going," he said simply before walking away again. "And some food."

Elias didn't know how long he sat by himself, but eventually his gaze drifted down to the clothes. His mind went numb, and before he knew it, he found himself standing up, peeling out of his wet clothes so he could slip into his dry ones. He wasn't sure whose clothes he was wearing, but it fit snug on him. He assumed it must have been spare mage hunter clothes from the horses.

Elias tossed his old wet clothes to the side and then sat back down. He stared across the setting lake for a moment, thinking through his options.

Bo wasn't going to let him sink or fly off the cliff. Elias didn't want to be near him. Naturally, that meant he only had one option left: leave.

Focused, Elias looked for his horse again, quickly retracing his steps. It looked like Bo had tied him up, but the horse was sleeping.

Elias stood still, re-evaluating again.

The horse used up all its energy today. He wouldn't be able to ride him again until tomorrow.

That was alright. It seemed that riding on animals wasn't going to help his plans anyways.

Elias untied the horse from the tree, stared at him sleeping soundly, then walked past it again, back into the lush of the forest.

He didn't need an animal to be free. He could walk, and he could run.

So that was what he did. Elias didn't know where it came from, but he felt a burst of energy burst from within him, and he took off running, sprinting like he had been training for weeks now.

He couldn't climb. He couldn't sink. So he would run. If he couldn't achieve his desires, then he would lean into his strengths. Elias had always been good at running away and removing himself from situations. Now was not any different.

He ran and ran, depleting all his energy slowly. He didn't know how long and how far he went, but it was getting dark now. Elias felt his body fading, pleading with him to rest and nourish itself. But he pushed himself like he had for weeks.

It was dark now, and it felt like no amount of oxygen could sustain his run. Elias found himself shaking again, but not from the cold. He tripped over his own feet, his body giving out even though he wanted to keep going.

The well of energy that was sustaining him was no longer present.

Elias crawled, but even that felt too tiring. His muscles gave up, and it was like he was paralyzed, stuck in his own mind that couldn't control his body.

Until even that gave up too.

Just like all the other nights he ran until he couldn't take it anymore, Elias passed out, fast asleep.

James couldn't get the taste of blood out of his mouth.

The smell of iron was thick and pungent in the air. When the sun came up it only got worse, even after Raj buried the bodies in one fell swoop, turning over the whole plot of land.

Were the truth of him creating a mass grave not so haunting, perhaps James might've been impressed by the feat of power. Instead, he felt a pit grow in his stomach with a familiar feeling he felt like he'd forgotten in the wake of the hellscape that had been his past seven years of life.

Maybe it was that he'd been fighting his own war to survive for so long that somehow he'd forgotten - no, buried - the horrors of what a true battlefield looked like. For seven years he alone had borne the brunt of the carnage that came his way, but as he stood in the field of freshly overturned dirt, the smell of death suffocating in the air, the unsettling realization began to dawn upon him horrifically too late that the rescue mission into King's Peak would never only be a rescue mission. Perhaps this was the heavy truth that the core ring of mages were sheltering all this time - hoping that reality would hit later rather than sooner. Hoping that a kingdom that vehemently hated and viciously hunted people with magic would take a successful infiltration into the world's most secure city and most secure fortress would be taken as something less than a declaration of war.

They weren't just running from mage hunters, now. And even if it hadn't touched the whole of the planet yet... things were about to irreversibly change.

Something swung inside of him like a pendulum. Like the tipping of a scale. A realization hit him with the kindness of a tidal wave that all of this: the hunters, the dissolution and fracturing of the king's hand, the hurry, the secrecy, the tension, the future carnage to come...

It was because of him, wasn't it?

All of this was because he left? All of this was because he came back?

When James had arrived on Nye after the near-death of all of his friends, he had been relieved. Things hadn't gotten easier by any means but at the very least he didn't have to worry about Ovrell and Alina hunting them and hunting him for the rest of his life. He'd thought that the chances of survival for him and his friends would be easier on Nye because unlike on Earth, where he was the only foreigner, on Nye, they would all be strangers to the world. Yes, it made things complicated, but it also meant no one had any reason to suspect them of anything. The only person he'd had to worry about was himself.

But that had been his mistake, hadn't it? He'd always been too idealistic in his hopes and never had any concrete plans for the future because as long as everyone was connected to him, it would've always come down to this. Somehow, some way, it would have always ended like this. Either it would've ended with his head, severed from his body in a public square, or he would inevitable get caught and the ripple of his escape would leave an even larger tear than the one he left behind when he first ran away.

James didn't feel well.

Mel and Raj were ordering everyone to move. James couldn't bring himself to move until Eve came and took his hand. He didn't feel like he was in his own body. He didn't feel like he was real. He didn't want any of this to be real.

Was it all his fault? No. That was a stupid question. He knew it was.

It had always been his fault. From the beginning when he shattered the vials of dragon's blood and stole information - he thought it would mean something, but in that moment, he'd foolishly never fully considered what it really meant.

What else could exposing the corruption of the Moonlight Kingdom mean? It would only ever inevitably lead to distruption on a global level. It could only ever lead to war. But now, it wasn't only civil war.

Now, it was very possible the world knew there was a dragon that had involved themselves in political affairs by saving James, and it was very clear that the dragon was not on the side of the kingdom. That had to be taken as an imminent threat. The kingdom would feel they had no choice but to act.

And now that very dragon was gone, chasing after Elias, who'd been cornered into using his magic, brutally murdered dozens, and could only possibly be in the worst state of mind imaginable.

James felt the weight of it all crashing down on him.

It was too much. It was suffocating. And he could still taste the blood in his mouth.

At some point the wagon came to a stop, but the jerking motion was so jarring, James found himself jerking himself backward, flinching as his arms shot out to steady himself against the back of the wagon. He had to pull one arm away quickly - at the last second, before narrowly hitting Eve.

He pinched his brows together, noting she was staring at him with deep concern.

In the back of his mind he'd been aware he hadn't been present. But it seemed he'd needed something to literally shake him back to it all.

"Sorry," he said quickly, regretfully realizing it had been the only word he'd said to her since they'd left that morning.

"It's alright," Eve said softly, squeezing his hand. She kept her deeply concerned gaze on him, although didn't voice much else given the circumstances of the situation.

Adina was in the wagon, and so was Mel, and Raj. Raj had been out cold ever since the massive burial, as that much magic use had completely drained him. But it seemed that at some point - perhaps recently as it'd escaped James's notice - Raj had gotten up. He was talking with Mel and Adina softly, the three of them huddled at the entrance of the wagon.

There was a small pause as the wagon settled, and the three of them crawled out, only Adina casting James and Eve a quick glance.

It seemed they were hasty to get out of the wagon. It took James a moment to recall the original plan: once they made as much distance as they could from the scene of the attack, they were going to reconvene and discuss what happened since several of them had been unconscious for most - if not all - of the fight.

James didn't know how quickly Mel was planning to initiate that conversation, but he didn't feel the hurry the others did.

If anything, it was quite the opposite. All he felt was dread.

"I'd ask what's on your mind, but I'm afraid I already know," Eve said quietly, still beside him.

"Are we at the point where you can read my mind?" James said quietly.

It wasn't right to be funny, and James wasn't trying to, but he felt the dissonance as the words left his mouth.

"Maybe. But everyone is easy to read right now," Eve said.

James turned to look at her, knowing what she meant, but as he met her eyes, all he cared to know was if she was as equally transparent. True to her own statement, Eve seemed to be wearing her emotions on her face with no barrier now that the others were gone.

She was worried. Worried about him. And undoubtedly about Elias, and Adina. She was putting everyone else's emotions ahead of her own. He wondered if she was as unmoved by the sight of all the corpses as he was, or if she was just too focused on everyone else to give it a second thought.

James had a feeling that his eyes matched hers in the sadness they carried. Wordlessly, he rested his hand on her shoulder, silently asking if she wanted a hug. Eve hesitated, but then opened her arms to initiate, pulling him close.

James met her embrace, hugging her back tightly.

"I'm sorry I've been so quiet," he whispered over her shoulder.

He knew how it made her feel. He knew it made her worry and feel alone.

"It's alright," she whispered back, holding him tighter. "We all need time to process."

"We'll talk," James said, softer. "It just... wasn't the time."

"I know. It's alright, James," she said as she began to pull away, holding his arms and meeting his eyes. "I'm glad you're okay. That we're all okay."

James knew there were two exceptions to that reassurance, and he knew everyone was thinking the same thing.

"Me too," James said weakly. "I--"

A bawk interrupted his incomplete thought, and he blinked, mouth still partially open, realizing with sudden guilt that he'd completely forgotten about Sleepy.

She'd been in the wagon when they'd been knocked out by the lumshade, but he'd woken up outside of it and so caught up in his own head he hadn't even thought about his poor chicken. Attention entirely diverted, James whirled around to the source of the noise behind him, not having forgotten where she last laid, and he hovered over her in worry. He gently stretched out his hands to pick her up as she began to stir.

Gods, she'd been hit by the lumshade too, hadn't she?

James brought Sleepy into his arms, cradling her as she started to look around blearily, clearly coming out of a deep, drug-induced sleep.

James cooed, bouncing her slightly as he sat back down next to Eve. He started to stroke Sleepy's head gently.

"It's a miracle the animals survived, never mind went unscathed," Eve said, her eyes glued on Sleepy.

"Maybe mage hunters have a thing against injuring animals," James said, but he knew it wasn't true.

Mage hunters would've injured the animals if they'd gotten in the way. It was more likely they didn't injure them because they didn't have to. James assumed the horses had been knocked unconscious as well when the smoke bomb was released, since all of the horses were tied up near the wagon. Being much larger creatures, though, they probably came to before even James did. But they would've been out for the duration of the fight, which would've been all the hunters needed to keep anyone from trying to flee.

"I suppose mage hunters need to draw their line somewhere for their morals," Eve said.

"Whatever helps their conscience, I suppose," James said, quieter as Sleepy started to lean into his touch.

There was a lull for a moment. Both Eve and James watched Sleepy come back to life in silence, Sleepy eventually shaking her head quickly before she nestled deeper into James's arms, getting comfortable.

Well, James wasn't going to put her down for a while, now.

James looked up at Eve with a weak grin, though he had a feeling it was hardly visible.

"We should probably join the others," he said quietly.

Eve slowly tore her gaze away from Sleepy so she could meet his eyes again. She hadn't at all moved away from her concerned expression.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

James let out a heavy exhale through his nose, but it was, in part, a weak laugh.

"I'm not sure it always matters how ready I am," he said. "We'll have to face reality regardless."

Eve nodded, slowly getting to her feet. "I'd offer you my hand, but... you're not going to let go of the chicken, are you?"

"Sleepy," James corrected, getting to his feet with a grunt.

It was, admittedly, still quite difficult to move his legs independently of the rest of his body. But he probably needed this exercise anyway. He was tired of his muscles wasting away, even though he knew he had to rest to heal.

He led the way in stepping out the back of the wagon, and Eve came out next to him.

They'd stopped in the thick of the forest, but there seemed to be the faintest path between the trees that cut through the land. If they weren't parked on it, James didn't think he would even notice it, it was so subtle. He wondered if there was a team of mages dedicated just to covering secret paths like this up.

Mel Aradis had everyone gathered around her and Bongo, who looked tired as he sprawled out on the forest floor, half his body tucking around a thick-trunked tree. The griffin and flying pigs had dogpiled beside him. They'd grown attatched to each other.

James immediately singled out Elliot among the horses, which had been tied up to the wagon, and James made a point to briefly pass him, letting Elliot nudge the side of his head with his nose. Were James's hands not full, he'd have pet him, and were he not trying to respect Mel's leadership, he'd have lingered.

Instead, he carried on, joining in the circle with Eve, finding himself alongside Mel. Well, the Mel of earth.

"This will change the way we do our watches," Aradis answered in response to a question James hadn't heard. "We'll have to be more wary of the beasts in these woods, now."

"Understood. I can keep the beasts from coming close," Hendrik said.

"But you will need to sleep, as well. To accomodate this, on the watches you are resting, we'll have James and Eve take a shift, and Clandestine and Raj will take another."

"Roger that," Hendrik said with a nod, glancing over at Clandestine, Raj, James, and Eve for confirmation.

"Sounds like a wise decision," James agreed, looking to Mel Aradis.

Mel nodded towards him in recognition.

"I know it hardly needs to be said," Me went on. "But we will need to be on high alert. And even though it's getting colder we'll have to avoid building fires. The less evidence we leave behind of our presence, the better. We will have to lean on one another to keep warm when the temperatures start to drop at night. So we're going to have to get comfortable with each other. Just remember it's temporary. We're only a week out, and you won't have to endure the harsh conditions of the wilderness much longer."

"If we're not doing fires, what about food?" Jordan asked.

"We'll have to eat our rations cold," Mel said with a sigh. "We're running low regardless, so it won't be enjoyable meals, but it'll be food."

"If you ask me nicely," Clandestine piped up. "I'll heat it up for you."

"Thanks, Clanny," Mel said with a small smile and bow of her head.

"How are we doing with other supplies? Are we low on anything else?" Hendrik asked, then added, "I know I'm low on bullets."

"We are running low on medical supplies," Mel said. "We'll just have to wash and sanitize what can be reuse and Elise and I will do what we can otherwise. I've worked with less, before. It's undesirable but we'll survive."

"Hear that, everyone?" Hendrik said gruffly, his eyes scanning the group. "Don't get hurt, and we'll be fine."

Mel gave Hendrik a brief, pointed side-glance but breezed past Hendrik's comment.

"Our water rations are also running low, and we won't be passing by any more rivers or springs. Jordan, we'll need your help to gather and purify what water we can find."

"Alright," Jordan nodded.

"I believe that's all of our most urgent practical needs out of the way," Mel went on. "So I'll address the events of this morning. I know that half of you were hit by the smoke bomb of lumshade while the rest of us were caught in the fray. I believe all of us who were fighting in the attack witnessed different pieces and can help fill in the gaps for one another. But if at any point anyone needs to step away from this conversation, there's no judgement here. It was traumatic for all of us in different ways, and we can have follow-up conversations in the coming days. Understood?"

The sentiment was recieved with a few nods, and Mel proceeded.

"We'll start at the beginning," Mel said. "The attack happened on Raj and I's watch."

At this, she turned to her brother beside her, handing things off to him.

"I sensed the presence of people on the ground nearby seconds before I saw the smoke," Raj said. "That's when I warned everyone to wake up and hold their breath. But I know I wasn't fast enough."

"Several of you were quick to your feet to respond," Mel jumped in. "Makiel cleared the air before the smoke could reach all of us."

"Nice job, Maks. We'd be dead meat if you didn't do that," Hendrik said.

Makiel only nodded in response.

"It's much appreciated," Raj agreed quietly before continuing.

"The moment the smoke cleared, we were surrounded on all sides. They came in from every angle," Raj said. "Several of us were surrounded in pairs. Mel and I got separated from the group because I was targeted heavily. They must have recognized me from the palace."

"We weren't able to join again until after Bo's dissapearance from the fight," Mel said. "I never saw what wounded him."

"Alistair and I got stuck too," Clandestine said. "Surrounded, I mean."

"I was shooting. It's a miracle I didn't get hit by a dart," Hendrik said.

Makiel shifted his weight to his other foot, hands in his pockets. "I was blowing them away for you," he said, but continued before Hendrik could praise him again. "I hid in a tree, trying to blow away darts and arrows, and also manage any more smoke bombs. But I couldn't stop the giant harpoon that pulled in Bo. That's what pulled him in. It went straight through his chest. A chain was attached on the end, and it locked in place. He was there one second and gone the next."

James blinked slowly at that.

Harpooned. Through the chest. Dragons really were stronger than humans if that didn't kill Bo instantly.

"Gods. No wonder he passed out afterwards," Hendrik said with gritted teeth.

Mel Aradis's expression was equally pained.

"Did anyone see what happened after that, in Bo's absence?"

"Not at first," Clandestine answered hesitantly.

"Was there anything before the harpoon that we missed?" Mel asked. "I don't think anyone's accounted for where Elias was at, at the time."

"I did notice him before Bo was pulled away," Makiel answered hesitantly as well. "I was trying to look over everyone because there were so many darts and arrows. I tried to blow away some from his direction, but he stood still, out in the open in front of the wagon. A few hit him, but he managed to still walk, somehow. Even when three arrows pierced him."

Makiel hesitated again.

"I saw him heal himself. It was hard not to notice that. He pulled the arrows out of himself, and it was like..." He shook his head with furrowed brows. "The mage hunter just... gods, it was like he was stabbed everywhere. And it only got worse, as we all witnessed."

James noticed Adina pulled away from the conversation, hurrying off towards the wagon. He shot Eve a quick worried glance that they shared.

Hendrik scoffed. "He asked me for a gun after I watched him slice his own throat and stomach. There was so much blood. Yet, it was like he was only hurt for a split second."

Hendrik wasn't finished talking, but Alistair took his leave as well. James noticed Clandestine's eyes followed him with worry for a moment before she followed after him.

Hendrik went on anyways.

"I wasn't going to give a gun to a mentally unstable dangerous man. But he pressed for it. You should have seen the look he gave me. I was afraid he was going to slash me up into bits if I didn't give him what he wanted. But then I did, and my gods, what a blood bath. He didn't even hesitate shooting his own damn head. What was he, a human bomb? He shoots himself, yet it was like he was a death puppet, because other people's heads exploded instead. Gods, I have never seen so many headless bodies before." Hendrik shook his head again. "I thought I have seen violence, but this was a whole new level of brutality."

"I believe it was at around that time that Raj and I returned," Mel said. "And there was a moment where we all backed off, as it appeared Elias wasn't stopping."

"And then Bo came back," Raj said.

"And then he left to find the maniac after he took my best hunting animal," Hendrik said with clear spite in his voice.

"But before that," Mel interjected. "There was a brief moment of silence. Before mage hunters stepped out of the wagon, threatening to kill those who'd been inside and otherwise knocked out by the lumshade."

James stared at Mel for a moment, piecing things together.

Bargaining. Ransom. Negotiations. Of course they would find a way to do that in the face of Elias's bloodshed.

James found his eyes flicking to Elise.

She looked like she was hardly even present. He had a feeling she'd heard this already from Aradis before this conversation even happened. Her eyes looked dry, red, and like they were still puffy from a day of tears.

James felt empathy for her, but he didn't think there was much he could do.

"Briefly," Mel went on. "Bo surrendered. Before he took on his dragon form to shield all of us from the hailstorm of bullets that followed. While he was shielding us, Elias stepped in before anyone else could and killed the remaining hunters holding you all captive. As for the snipers... Bo flew off and found them. He returned before long, and by then some of you who'd been knocked unconscious were starting to stir. It was at about the time that Bo returned and passed out that I believe Elias snuck away."

Mel looked around, meeting the eyes of those who remained.

"Did I miss anything?"

"Yes," Hendrik said. "After you healed Bo, he went off to find the maniac."

"Elias," Mel interrupted.

"He probably left because he was clearly unstable. Bo says we should trust he will stay safe, but has it occurred to anyone that Elias would use his magic against Bo?" Hendrik said.

"Yes," Mel said more sharply. "And he considered it himself before he left. If he wasn't a dragon I'd have tried to reason him into taking someone with him."

"Alright, maybe he could take him on. But do you really think he'd kill the man?" Hendrik asked with a raised brow.

"No," Mel said, keeping her expression neutral. "He cares about Elias like he were his own family."

"That wouldn't stop him from getting brutally hurt," Hendrik went on. "No one is there to heal Bo."

"We're not going to discuss this further as a group," Mel Aradis said.

"I just want everyone to know: it is possible that we left both of them for dead," Hendrik said more sternly.

"Hendrik..." the other Mel - the one from earth, besides James - said softly after some hesitation. It was then that James realized she had been on the brink of tears the whole time. "Bo wouldn't hurt Elias, but Elias wouldn't hurt Bo either. He didn't hurt us during the attack. He's not going to hurt his friends."

"I know it was horrific to watch," Aradis said. "But if it weren't for him, some of us might very well be dead. We were not prepared to face an army of fifty people."

"Silver linings," Hendrik said with a nod. "But he must have left for good reason. Perhaps if he didn't leave, he knew he would hurt us."

"I don't think we need to publicly discuss our personal opinions about Elias's motivations right now," Aradis said.

"I swear to the almighty gods above, if anyone else is harboring or downplaying some dark secret about their magic..." Hendrik said threateningly, giving brief eye contact across the whole group.

But the severity then washed away from his face as he stiffened, quickly staring behind him towards the forest, like he was sensing something - or someone - approach.

Before Hendrik could voice anything, Higgins suddenly trotted through the trees, running faster in glee before he tackled Hendrik to the ground, happily licking his face like a happy dog. The others backed away as the fox's tail began swinging around.

James couldn't help but notice that Higgins was without his rider.

That made his heart sink. He could only imagine how the others felt.

"Easy!" Hendrik said with a grin, ruffling Higgins head as he pushed him back. It didn't take long for the sternness to return to his face.

"He came alone," earth Mel said quietly.

"Can you get any information from Higgins?" Raj asked.

"Shush. I'm listening," Hendrik scolded, crouching down next to Higgins as he whined and sat, his tail swishing across the ground.

It seemed that Hendrik didn't even have to ask guided questions since Higgins communicated everything to Hendrik. He sighed, getting back to his feet.

"The short answer? They're alive. Elias released him and had him track me down," Hendrik said.

"They're alive," Aradis sighed in relief.

"What's the long answer?" Raj asked.

Hendrik sighed, staring at Higgins looking up at him expectedly.

"I'll do my best to translate what I think he said," he said. "Higgins thought Elias took him for a hunt, but they went for a run instead. They climbed to the top of a cliff and looked over. Elias almost fell, but Bo caught him. Elias rode back on Higgins as Bo followed him until they reached an abandoned campsite. There were horses there. Elias must have dismounted and then sent Higgins off to find me. He had been tracking me down for the whole day."

James found his gaze drifting, landing back on Elise.

This was at least somewhat good news. But it looked like she was on the verge of tears again. Raj, beside her, put his arm around her shoulders in a side-hug.

"Abandoned campsite," Mel echoed. "If that was nearby it very may have been where the hunters came from. They shouldn't be too far behind us, then."

"I hope we see them again," the other Mel said softly. At this point, Jordan was holding her at his side.

"It sounds like they're going a different direction," Hendrik said.

"We don't really know the exact direction the hunters came from," Mel said.

"I don't know if Elias really has a clear plan either, other than jumping off cliffs, apparently. But it seems that Bo is able to stabilize him, at least a little," Hendrik said. "I don't think there's a good way to know what happened to them unless they manage to make it to New Haven."

"I suppose we'll find out in time, then," Mel said. "But until then, we're going to hang in there until we make it to safety."

Before anyone else could interrupt, Mel was quick to move forward.

"It's getting late, and I think we're all going to need a good rest after today. You're all dismissed. Raj and I will take care of food. Hendrik, would you mind looking after the animals? I know we ran them hard today."

"Roger that," Hendrik said, already moving as Higgins happily trotted behind. "Follow me, Higgins. You deserve a treat."

James watched as the group dispersed. Mel Aradis and Raj took Elise with them, consoling her. Jordan and Mel pulled away to be by themselves.

The only ones left standing there were James, Eve, and Makiel.

James glanced down at Sleepy in his arms, then looked back up at Makiel.

There was a brief pause before Makiel sighed, and, without a word, walked off to be on his own.

James turned to Eve.

"You should probably check on Adina," James said softly. "I don't mind waiting out here."

Eve was quiet for a moment, nodding as she stared at the ground.

"Yeah... that's a good idea," she said quietly before she took a deep breath and nodded even more confidently. "Alright."

She hesitated, just for a moment. But enough to make James pause too.

"Are you up for it?" James asked.

"Yeah. It's alright, I want to be there for her," Eve said, glancing at the wagon. "Okay. I'll be right back."

"Don't rush," James said gently. "I'll still be here."

Eve felt like her mind was its own battlefield.

Ever since she woke up from the lumshade, she felt the endless stream of thoughts squirm its way though her body, and she was unable to shake them away. At first, the horrific violence and implications about the mage hunters were the repeating topics.

But now, after hours of silent reflection and after hearing everything that happened... she wasn't sure what the repeating topics were anymore.

Violence. Guilt. Helplessness. Elias. Bo. Adina. Mel. Alistair. Elise. Safety. James.

It all swirled in her head, growing in size like a hurricane.

Eve felt immense guilt that sat heavier in her stomach, but she pushed it away as she approached the wagon, feeling the stubbornness of wanting to protect Adina fuel her body. There was so many dizzying thoughts, but she knew that the last thing Adina needed was for her to become even more worried and anxious about her a hundred different worst-case what-if scenarios, so she pushed it all aside.

For now. Adina needed her, and she wanted to be there for her. Eve couldn't help prevent the attack that would benefit the whole group, but at least for now, she could help one person sort thought complex emotions.

Eve slowly went through the curtain that was still hung at the entrance of the wagon, seeing Adina curled up behind a crate, her head curled down between her knees, hidden behind her arms. Eve could hear her quiet, whimpered crying.

Silently, Eve sat next to her, bringing her knees to her chest. She let a small silence pass, the sounds of Adina's cries making her heart sink sadly in her chest.

"I know you said we don't need to accompany you," she said softly. "But I wanted to be here with you anyways."

Adina's sniffles stopped with a sad hiccup, and she lifted her head, peering at Eve through her messy curls that fell over her face with puffy eyes. She sniffled loudly and nodded, slowly sitting up straighter as she started to dab her eyes dry.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Eve asked gently. "This is all too much to process for one person."

Adina took in a shaky breath.

"I don't even know where to start," she said. "It's just all so much."

"There doesn't have to be a beginning or an ending. It's alright to say things without it making much sense. I just don't want you to keep it all in your head. Like you said... it's too much," Eve said.

"I just didn't think Elias-- I didn't think this is what he meant by-- by him not being proud of his past. I thought, you know, that maybe he'd... I don't know. Killed people, I guess. But not-- not like--"

Her lower lip started to tremble again, fresh tears streaming down her face.

"That was all his magic, wasn't it? Is that what his magic's really like? Why didn't he tell anyone? Why didn't he tell--" her voice cracked, and she shook her head, covering her face. "I don't know anymore, Eve. I'm so scared. But I can only imagine how scared he must've been, too. It all makes sense, now, why he was so afraid for anybody to know. But I-- I just-- I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to think. I don't know if I'll see him ever again or if he'll ever be okay. I'll never know what he was thinking. I'll never know anything. And now I'm just stuck with this-- all that blood in-- in my brain. And I can't get rid of it."

She was speaking through sobs and eventually broke down, letting it come out in full as her shoulders started to shake and she held her face, cupped in her hands.

Eve was intently listening, but she found her body stiff as she tightly gripped her knees. She had to force herself to relax, swallowing her own emotions.

Sometimes, talking to Adina felt like she was talking to a younger version of herself.

"Do you want a hug?" she whispered, but reached out anyways to embrace her.

Adina nodded sloppily, leaning into Eve's embrace, shaking in her arms. Eve held her tightly, letting her cry into her chest as she rubbed her back with her hand.

"I know no one knows what's going to happen to him," she cried. "I know everyone's so worried. But I'm so worried he's never coming back. All because of this. And I don't even care anymore if we ever-- I don't care. I just want him to be okay. But I have this terrible feeling like I'm never going to see him again. Like he doesn't want to be seen again."

"You're not alone. I feel the same way," Eve replied softly as Adina paused to cry again.

Adina took in a shuddered breath and pulled away, a bit abruptly, reaching for something around her neck.

"And then he left me this," she said, a sorrowful cry crawling out her throat as she pulled out her necklace. But Eve noted, however, that the rock was covered in blood.

Adina looked up at Eve tearfully.

"I gave it to him when he came back from the palace," she said. "But a week ago he tried to give it back when he told me what I already knew. That it wasn't going to work out between us. And I-- I didn't want it. I told him no. But he-- he must've-- when I was--"

She blubbered, falling into sobs and covering her face again. Eve pulled her in for another embrace, biting her lip as her heart deeply ached for both Adina and Elias.

Adina didn't need to explicitly say it. Eve knew from James that Elias had been giving items away a week ago too. Whether consciously or not, he must have thought about leaving for at least a week now.

He didn't want to leave with anything holding him back, because he didn't plan on coming back.

"I'm sorry, Adina," Eve whispered, tightly closing her eyes as she squeezed Adina.

Adina no longer had words for a reply. Eve felt her nod into Eve's shoulder as she continued to cry until she couldn't cry anymore, and she leaned into Eve's side like she was exhausted. Finally looking up again, Adina wiped her face, sniffling.

Eve glanced at the necklace she still held in her hands. "Do you want to keep it? I can hold on to it, if it's easier," she said.

"I don't know if I can let go of it now," Adina said hoarsely, looking down at the bloodied stone.

They sat in silence for a bit, Adina staring emptily at the stone as she sniffled.

"I'm going to have to let him go," Adina said sadly. "Aren't I?"

Eve steeled her nerves, taking in a deep breath as she mentally prepared for this conversation. Adina had thought she asked a simple question, but Eve knew the answer wasn't as simple as a yes or no.

"You know," she began softly. "I've known Elias for a long time. He was my best friend for years. Up until we became teenagers, we did everything together... We told each other everything. He dragged me around to places and frequently brought me outside my comfort zone. I was so shy and reserved back then, I didn't really have many other friends to turn to... but he was a constant presence, and I think he helped make me into the person I am today. He told me weeks ago that he stuck around because I seemed gloomy, and he wanted to make me laugh. He did... many times. But he still stuck around, because he viewed me as a friend."

Eve paused, noting that Adina was watching her and litening attentively, still sniffling.

"By the time we were teenagers, we found other friends and connections. He was still my best friend in my eyes, even when it became... difficult. The behavior we've seen from him after the palace... I think it was a learned trait. I think he's always used to lifting people up from dark places, but has learned to refuse help himself. Even back then, when I knew something was wrong - he wouldn't tell me anything. He kept the nuances of his magic a secret, even from me. And I didn't know what to do. I think, back then... I was annoyed, but also desperate, because he was an old friend, and I didn't want to let him go - even if he shut me out."

Eve paused again, taking in a deep breath as she stared at the floor of the wagon, the familiar numbness settling in her stomach.

"I know how you felt, because I experienced the same thing years ago with him. I braced myself to let him go as a friend, even though I knew I'd be lying to myself. But it wasn't until--"

Eve faltered, starting over and trying that sentence again.

"I didn't know of Elias's magic until I was forced to face it too. I saw him kill someone very close to me, but not once - hundreds of times, because I kept going back in time. And I experiened it again, and again, and again. I wasn't able to change anything, no matter how hard I tried. At first, I was trying to find a win-win situation. But I grew to resent Elias, and when I gave up in trying to make any difference... I called him a monster, and I didn't see him again. Not for years. Not until last year."

"But you know what bothered me the most?" Eve continued, growing more and more quiet with each passing sentence as she tightly held on to her knees again. "I grew to hate him. Yet, at the same time, I knew I still cared about him. I was never able to let it go... And now, even when I've forgiven his accident... I still think I can't let go of what happened. But it doesn't mean I don't care about him. It doesn't mean I have let go of Elias."

Eve finally looked back at Adina, more serious this time.

"I'm telling you this because letting go of someone you care about is no easy task. I don't want you to lie to yourself. If you care about someone this deeply, even if they leave a wake of destruction... I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to care about them back," she finished.

Adina was quiet for a moment, staring down at the rock she still held in her hands, strung around her neck. She looked sad, tired, and deep in thought as she rubbed the stone with her thumb.

"I guess... he'll just sit in my heart in the same place my family sits, then," Adina said softly. "And where everyone else sits that I've cared about, but can't forget."

Eve didn't know what to say. She felt like Adina shouldn't do this, but at the same time, she knew she did the same thing. It caused Eve great pain, but... was it truly bad?

"I've been thinking about my family a lot," Adina said, her voice sounding tired. "Since we started on this trip. And I think, for a long time, I was angry at them too and didn't even know it. But now I just feel sad because I miss them. And I don't think I'll ever stop missing them. Never fully, even if they're not always on my mind."

Even though she was talking about her family, it felt like she was really talking about Elias.

She paused, sniffing once more, wiping her nose with her sleeve.

"Thanks for telling me about your history with Elias," Adina said softly. "It sounds like... this isn't the first time, for him. That it's been something like this."

She finally let go of the necklace, letting it rest on her chest.

"I don't know how long it'll take for me to feel okay again," Adina said. "But... thanks for being here."

"Of course, Adina. I care about you," Eve said with a hand placed gently on her back. "I think, back then, I didn't have anyone to talk to who would understand. But I want you to know - I understand. And... I know I don't always voice everything... it's a bad habit. But I am a verbal processor as well. I want to listen to what you want to share, whether it's about Elias, your family, or anything else that's bothering you."

"Thanks, Eve," Adina said. "And I'm here for you too, even if I'm... kind of falling apart at the moment."

"It's alright, Adina," Eve said with a small smile. "I don't view it that way. I enjoy your company, whether you're falling apart or not. I'm here for you."

Alistair had many regrets in life, but this felt like one he would come to regret the most.

All his life, he just wanted to be ordinary. He never wanted to play the hero - to face evil with bravery, sacrificing everything for the greater good. He learned early on that the sacrifice usually came with a silent cost, and Alistair was so tired of seeing its effects ripple around him.

But this time, he did play the hero. He stepped up to fight when there was trouble, and although he wasn't the strongest fighter in the group, he still helped.

But at what cost?

Alistair felt nauseous as soon as Makiel and Hendrik started to describe the violence in detail, and he had to step away from the group, feeling like he was going to throw up. And he did - away from others, anyways.

Kneeled over the side of a tree, Alistair felt his stomach empty as he shook and slowly stood up, blinking back the images of the horrors he saw that night. Every time he looked at his shaky hands, he saw blood. Any time he looked at any person here, he remembered peering past them, towards the piles of limbs and heads. Any time he even thought of his magic, he remembered how he seared others, their screams echoing in the night...

Groaning, Alistair moved to the other side of the tree, holding his head and feeling woozy. He sharply closed his eyes and sat, not even caring if he sat on his own fluids. Everything was tainted anyways. Everything was tainted with blood.

He heard footsteps approaching at his side, but Alistair didn't look up, still holding his head down. He couldn't help but stiffen up, feeling nervous as the intrusive thought came: is it another enemy approaching?

"Hey, Alistair," Clandestine said softly.

She knelt down beside him, setting her hand on his shoulder. Still with his head in his hands, he took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax.

"Do you want a hug?" she asked, still quiet.

"No, I just... no, sorry," he said with a shuddered breath.

"It's okay," Clandestine said, pulling away as she sat down beside him. "Is it okay if I sit here?"

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"Alright," she echoed.

And the two of them sat still for the next minute as Alistair collected his bearings. He took some more deep breaths, slowly lowering his hands and setting them on his knees as he stared blankly ahead.

"I don't know how you're so okay by this," he suddenly said, almost wanting to laugh.

And oddly, Clandestine laughed for him.

"I'm really not," she said weakly. "I just... I don't know. I think this stuff doesn't hit me until later. Sometimes it takes a few days, even."

Alistair rubbed his forehead, still keeping his head low. "I don't think I'll ever be able to unsee all that."

"Probably not," Clandestine said quietly. "I don't think I will either."

"Have you... seen something like this? Ever?" Alistair asked thinly.

"Not... on this scale," Clandestine said. "Not like this. It's... I've seen the work monsters can do to people. And that's... I don't know. It's different."

"Yeah... these are real people with their own lives. And we just-- he just--" Alistair said, but faltered, not knowing how to finish. He took a sharp breath, shaking his head and placing his hand back down, finally glancing at Clanny. "Yeah... it's different."

"It was horrifying," Clandestine whispered.

Yeah. That was putting it lightly.

"I don't know how this doesn't hit you now," he said softly, noticing that her expression didn't match her words. "I don't even know how I'm going to sleep tonight or... ever."

"...It sucks," Clandestine said. "I still have nightmares just from... monster hunting, and missions that were stressful."

Alistair gave her another glance. "Why do you keep fighting if you get nightmares from that?" he asked.

Clandestine furrowed her brows together, looking off into the forest with a frown.

"I mean... I'm one of the strongest mages out there. I feel like I have to. The fight's going to get so much worse before anything gets better," she said.

This topic again. They had talked about this before, and Alistair had found Clanny to be inspiring enough that - for a moment there - maybe he did want to play the hero too. But after last night, the thought disappeared as quick as blowing out a candle.

"Just because you're strong doesn't mean you need to see all this and go through this," Alistair said.

"I... I know," Clandestine said weakly. "I don't think everyone has to be a soldier or do... this. But someone has to. I don't think anyone actually wants to, if they had a choice. But that's just not the world we live in."

Alistair took in another deep breath.

"Clandestine... are you okay?" he asked quietly.

Clandestine's lower lip started to tremble, and she sniffed, her eyes flicking to him and then just as quickly flicking to the ground.

"That's not fair," she said with a smile as her eyes began to water, tears immediately starting to run down her face. "I came out here to make sure you were okay, and now I'm the one crying."

Somehow, Clandestine losing it made Alistair lose it too. He felt his own eyes well up, but he quickly rubbed the tears away. It seemed to make no difference as too many started to roll down his cheeks.

"Gods, now you're making me cry," he grumbled, almost wanting to laugh again, but he didn't have it in him to do so.

"Well I guess we're just stuck like this, now," Clandestine said, her voice wobbling. "Crying together."

She laughed, but it turned into a cry.

"Come here," she said, stretching out her arms to pull him into a hug. Alistair wheezed out a laugh, but it, too, turned into a sob as they tightly embraced each other, crying into each other's shoulders.

"I don't think-- I don't want to fight again," Alistair said between breaths, steeling his emotions enough so that he could at least talk, even he knew that he was wailing. "I'm sorry. I wish I can... be as brave as you. But I-- I can't."

"It's okay," Clandestine sniffled, her words warbled with tears. "You don't have to be. You don't have to be."

They both sobbed, letting it out in the silence, but Alistair felt himself waning sooner. He didn't loosen his grip around her until his shallow breaths turned more steady.

"You should hear yourself," he said faintly. "You don't have to be brave all the time."

Clandestine cried softly. He weakly rubbed her back with his palm.

"I just wish things could be safe for us," she said, her face still buried in his shoulder. "I wish there wasn't a stupid war. I wish people didn't hate magic. I wish people didn't care. I wish all of my friends could just be safe and okay."

"I know," Alistair said softly. "I wish we could also live in a world without hate or peace. But the real world can be cruel sometimes."

Clandestine sniffled, her tears finally subsiding, and she pulled away, wiping her eyes.

"Yeah," she said, a little delayed. "It can. We just saw a more of that 'sometimes' today, I guess."

She rubbed her face with her hands roughly, running her hands up and down quickly before she flopped them down into her lap with a sigh.

"Are you okay?" she asked, looking to him.

Alistair couldn't help but stare at her blankly. "I just cried my eyes out with you... What do you think?"

Clandestine laughed sadly.

"Sorry," she said. "I just... I don't know. Felt like I should ask."

Alistair let his own hands fall in his lap as he stared down, forcing a tiny smile.

"I appreciate it," he said softly. "But I don't think I'll be okay for a while... I think this will stay with me... maybe forever. But I'm sure I'll not be... you know. Sad." He lifted his head again, squinting out towards the forest. "Instead, I'll randomly remember what bodies without heads look like."

Clandestine huffed through her nose.

"Yeah. I think that image is gonna stick," she said lowly.

Alistair was being sarcastic, of course, but he didn't really have the heart to continue taking his joke further. He couldn't bring himself to joke about all the horrors he saw. He couldn't bring himself to lightly talk about the people he singed, or the other brutal murders he witnessed, or his friends bleeding out, or the way Elias hurt himself to cast damage.

"Thanks for checking on me," he said instead, trying to meet Clanny's eyes to show that he was sincere, because he did appreciate this moment.

"Of course," Clandestine said, reaching over to tap his shoulder with her fist. "That's what friends do."

Eve stayed with Adina for some time, keeping her company and consoling her - but it wasn't long until they heard light chatter about dinner outside the wagon. Eve helped Adina to her feet. Adina wiped the last of her tears, taking a deep breath before they finally hopped out of the wagon and rejoined the others.

It was odd listening to everyone's bantering, because it seemed that Hendrik, Mel Aradis, Raj, and Clandestine were all in a chipper mood - but Eve knew it was forced. After such a tense conversation topic, they wanted to keep spirits high since they still had more grueling days of travel ahead of them. Even Mel and Jordan seemed to chime in, adding in their own banter when Hendrik and Clandestine continually made lighthearted comments with friendly faces.

They ate as a group that day, but it was still divided. The people who were trying to keep a lighthearted atmosphere were the only ones talking, but they didn't force anyone else to talk.

Eve mostly stayed silent with James and Adina, but she did observe her friends from a distance.

Mel had been doing so well in remaining optimistic, but it seemed that she started to break down after hearing about Elias. Eve assumed that she processed with Jordan since she came back with puffy eyes, but she was bouncing back now.

It was clear that Alistair was deeply traumatized. Although Eve had always badgered him about being a coward since he hardly ever wanted to take action, she felt sorry for him, knowing that he did face the battle. Alistair finally took action, but Eve had a feeling he would come to regret it. He seemed to be in a daze, emptily staring at his bowl of food, slowly eating.

Elise was silent the whole time, but she also had ample time to process with Mel. Elise was usually one who would encourage others during hard times, trying to remain hopeful. But for once... it almost looked like she lost hope. She didn't try to contain her silent sadness, distancing herself from the conversation.

These were hard times, but Eve knew they had to keep moving. They had to keep strong. She swallowed the guilt that bubbled up from her throat again, trying to eat another bite of the dried food pulled from storage, but Eve couldn't stomach another bite.

Eventually, they all finished eating. Eve gave James the rest of her food before she helped clean up, packing everything away. Hendrik claimed to be beat, admitting to be exhausted from the fight and from constantly using his magic to keep beasts away - so he wanted to sleep first. James and Eve were to keep watch first, and so they silently waited by the front of the wagon, watching as night fell and everyone went to sleep.

Eve was sitting close to James, sharing a blanket as they shared each other's warmth. She sat in silence, again lost in the labyrinth of her mind.

But she was glad of one thing: if anything were to happen at this moment, at least she would feel like she had control of the situation.

Finally, James broke the silence.

"What's on your mind?" he asked quietly.

There was far too many answers to name, but Eve said the first thing in her head.

"Cold," she simply said, pulling the blanket tighter around her.

James held her tighter.

"That it is," James agreed. "What else?"

"That if anything were to happen right now, we could stop it," Eve answered.

James hummed.

"I suppose that is a comfort," he said softly. "Are there other things taking up space in your mind?"

Eve let out a puff of air through her nose, even though she didn't find the question humorous. "I'm running out of space to fit everything," she said dully.

"Let me hold some of it, then," James said tenderly. "It's okay. Let it out."

"There's just... there's so much, James," Eve said with a quiet sigh, leaning her head on his shoulder as the edge of the blanket rested over her nose.

"Let's start with being able to stop anything bad from happening," James said, rubbing her arm as he held her close.

"I have never felt so powerless before," Eve said, no longer holding back. "I felt this way back at the palace too, and I... I didn't voice it, because it wasn't that important. And I know it's not that important now. But if only I could have used my magic... if I wasn't knocked out by the lumshade... I could have helped. I could have given a warning. We all would have been able to fight. Bo may have been able to take most of them on with enough warning and careful planning with the others. He wouldn't be gone. Elias wouldn't have been gone. He maybe wouldn't have had to use his magic at all. There may not have been brutal bloodshed. Everyone wouldn't have been so traumatized."

"Do you feel responsible for what happened?" James asked.

"It's not my fault... but I grieve what could have happened. I grieve the best case scenario that slipped through the cracks, all because I was asleep," Eve said quietly.

"Was this the first time you weren't able to undo a traumatic event with your magic? Or, at least, able to try?" James asked. "Aside from the palace."

Eve was quiet for a moment, leaning her bent legs closer to James.

"You know about how I can't change events if it involves someone I deeply care about," she said softly. "Aside from that... the only times I wasn't able to use my magic was if Oliver or Ovrell prevented me from doing so. But... that was different. I already feel so helpless with them, because they're always ten steps ahead of me. Yesterday, and back at the palace... that was the first time I truly felt blindsided by my own abilities."

"That was also the first time you were hit with lumshade," James said. "And experienced what it actually feels like."

"And it was terrifying," Eve said quietly.

"I know," James said softly, turning to rest his cheek against her head.

"I know you want me to live in the present... but I hate feeling this helpless. I hate not knowing and not having control. But most of all - I think I'm terrified of not having any control at all. I think that's why it's so difficult for me. I was forced to experience it, and... it scared me," Eve said, clasping the blanket tightly.

"Would you say it was different than being forced not to use your magic when around Oliver or Ovrell?" James asked.

"I don't know... I think I've already accepted long ago that they will always have power over me. But lumshade isn't sentient, and I can't expect it to come. It just does, and by the time I realize, it's too late to do anything," she said.

James hummed, but fell quiet, like he too was stuck deep in thought.

"And if we're talking about things that terrify me," Eve continued, "I am also scared of Elias. I'm reminded of what he's capable of, and I'm horrified, but... I still care about him, and I am so worried of what he would do by himself. I feel guilty, because he's been like this with me before, but I still didn't do anything - even if he gave me silent pleas of help. It's like... it's like he offers small details about his life, wanting to see how I would take it. But sometimes, it felt like I was walking on a tight rope. If I prod too deep, he'd shut down. But how do I ask without asking? I just... I wish I tried harder. I wish I wasn't scared, and tried to listen some more, and tried harder to get him to open up. I keep making the same mistakes, James. When am I ever going to learn?"

Eve didn't realize until the end that tears pricked her eyes, and her voice wavered with deep-rooted anxiety. She quickly sniffed, rubbing her eyes with the blanket before she could cry.

"I don't know. I think I'm feeling helpless about everything. It's not just about the lumshade, or about Elias. Bo took action, but I didn't do or say anything. I know he's capable as a dragon, but I can't help but feel like something terrible is going to happen to him. What if mage hunters find out he's a dragon? Elias is reckless and impulsive, so he wouldn't be careful. Bo will want to protect him, and I know he's a little reckless himself. I just... are we ever going to escape from this? Are we ever going to live normal lives? Will our friends be okay? Will we ever truly get to be happy?"

Eve deeply sighed, steeling her nerves as she took a long, deep breath. She felt hollow inside now that the words had left her system. She didn't know what to feel now that she let it all out. And James didn't respond right away either.

He held her firmly, still resting his cheek against her head as the two of them sat in the cold of the night. Eve ran out of words to say in the silence that followed, but she felt the hollow hole in her mind fill with more nervous thoughts.

"You know," James said. "When I was a soldier, I had access to the king's private library for a short time. In there were records from the calamity, ones that had never been seen by the public eye. Many of them were real, raw, and written by people in the throes of the worst of it, and though many people professed to cling to hope, the most honest records were those who confessed that they couldn't see an end in sight. I think, in many ways, it's a very human inclination to feel that whatever suffering we are enduring, while we are in the midst of it, will last forever. It's hard to imagine a future because we can't see outside the storm. I know the feeling because I've been stuck in that position for many years now, inescapably staring down the inevitability of death or war, not knowing which would come first, and certainly never thinking I would end up on the side of things I am now with magic of all things. But even in the midst of all of the uncertainty... I want to discover what it means to be happy in hardship. I think I've learned to be resilient, but I gave up on being happy long ago. But ever since I met you again, I've found myself wanting to try again... to hope, even in the storm. Even if the storm doesn't pass for a long time."

He took in a deep breath, letting out a long sigh.

"The truth is, we'll never have full certainty of safety, and we may never have normal lives. I really don't know, and I don't think anyone can. But that doesn't mean we can't try to learn what it means to be happy, even in the midst of it all. It doesn't mean it won't still be hard. And it's painful, and uncomfortable, and I hate it too. But I guess what gives me hope is that at the very least, we don't have to face it all alone."

Eve knew James was right. He always knew what to say to wind her down after she gave a long spiel. But even if he was right, she didn't know what to say. She had always known what she had to do to live life through a healthier manner, but it was easier said than done.

"Your fears are real, Eve," James said after a small pause. "And I feel it too. I find myself having to talk myself out of despairing every day. Sometimes I do it by merely talking to you. And I don't know how long it will take for things to get easier, if they ever will. But I'd like to believe that they can. I feel like I have to."

Eve took a deep breath. "I think I try to stay hopeful, even if it's only a tiny speck. There have only been a few instances of my life where I felt true despair. Where I felt like all hope is gone, and my actions are futile. I don't know how anyone could live in despair every day... How you could live in despair. In the few times I've felt it... even if it lasted only a short while... I just... it feels like I'm dying. I... I don't know how else to describe it."

"I think that's an accurate description," James said softly. "Hopelessness makes the heart sick, in a way. Like a slow death. But it sounds like you're not struggling with hopelessness, but the fear of being powerless, and the loss of control."

"I guess," Eve said quietly. "I don't see much of a difference. They're all the same to me."

"I suppose there is a lot of overlap," James said. "The fear runs in the same family."

Eve didn't know what to say to that. She didn't really know what James was getting at. It didn't really matter what she called this feeling. Whether it was hopelessness, despair, powerless, or losing sense of control - it really was all the same to her. The differences were highly nuanced.

"But it doesn't really really matter what we call it," James said with a small sigh. "I'm... I'm sorry you're scared."

"It's alright," Eve said after a brief hesitation. "I know it'll pass. There's so much that happened... I'm just trying to process it all. It does help to talk about it, but... I know it will pass."

James rubbed her arm and softly kissed the top of her head, but said nothing more.

Eve took a deep breath, feeling herself relax as she continued to speak her mind.

"I'm glad I talked to Adina. She was holding it all in. She bottles her sadness inside her... It's clear that she cares deeply about Elias, and not only in a romantic way. I know that she'd still care just as much about him even if no romance were involved. Her heart aches for him, even when knowing that his actions resulted in mass bloodshed. Now his behavior makes sense to her... why he had been holding her and others at a distance, and why he had been keeping secrets. She knows he was scared. And she wished he had told someone, or knew... because she wants him to be okay."

Eve paused, feeling her own heart ache from her words.

"Sometimes, talking to Adina feels like I'm talking to a mirror. I see myself in her... a lot, actually. And I feel for her, because I wished someone could have given me advice back then. If I had proper guidance, maybe I'd be a better person... maybe I'd have helped more people. I'd have grown to be someone I'm more proud of. I know... I can't change what happened. But at least talking to Adina, and telling her my perspective... I hope it helps. Because I think it would have helped me, if I were her."

Eve knew she was dumping so much information at James, but she had been holding back the whole day. She felt it all come out, rolling out of her tongue without filter.

"Elias gave her back her necklace before he left. She gave him that necklace after he came back from the palace, and he tried to give it back to her a week ago, but she denied it. Still... he placed it around her neck while she was asleep, and he left. I don't know if he's going to come back, James. He gave you that toy a week ago too, didn't he? And you suspected it wasn't his as well. Why would he be giving away sentimental objects? It's like... well, we both know his history. It's like he's trying to detach himself, letting go of everything holding him back. Like he's preparing to die. But - not from battle. It's like... like he's leaving, because he doesn't want to come back. Ever. I think he wants to die. I think he ran away, and Bo chased after him - because he knew too. He knew that Elias was going to-- he was going to--"

Eve choked on her own words and whimpered out a cry, feeling herself withdraw into a ball. James pulled her in and tightly hugged her, keeping her close as she hid her head under the blanket, voice muffled as she tried to steady her breaths. Eve tightly closed her eyes, feeling hot tears roll down her cheek, but she stayed strong and held back the remaining tears.

"I told Adina my history with Elias, because-- because she asked if she should let him go," she whispered, voice heavy and strained as she steeled her emotions. "I couldn't answer that for her. I couldn't do it. I didn't know the answer. He was my first friend, James. I couldn't let him go, even when I hated him. Because I cared about him. I have always cared about him. And, back then - before he left - he was acting like this too. And I didn't know why. He was always so quick to cheer me up, but he didn't want to let me do the same. He shut me out back then too. And I-- I just let it happen, because I thought he didn't want to be my friend anymore.

"But, even now - after months of traveling with him - he still wants to be my friend. But suddenly he pulls away - and it's like-- well, what am I supposed to do? I don't know, I did think there were tense moments with him. And I felt a few times that he may have been open to share something with me, but didn't. And I didn't pry because I was afraid. I was afraid he'd shut down. I was afraid he'd abandon me again, even if that happened so long ago. I... I missed him. But I'm only realizing this now. I'm only realizing that I miss him when he's gone. I am usually proactive... but why am I reactive when it comes to Elias? Why do I not take action until it's too late? And I'm afraid, James - I'm afraid. I'm... I'm afraid that it's too late for me to take any action with him, because the opportunity will no longer be present. And-- and I have never felt so helpless."

Eve took a shaky deep breath, closing her eyes and feeling numb.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I'm sorry, that was a lot. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," James whispered, rubbing her back with his thumb as he held her with her head on his chest. "Don't apologize."

He squeezed her a little tighter, just for a moment.

"It's okay to cry, if you need to cry," he said even softer, barely audible. "And if you can't cry that's okay. I'll hold you."

"...Thank you," Eve said quietly with a shuddered breath, but she didn't think she could cry.

Maybe she would have if they had this conversation hours ago. But she had sat on this for too long, and now that she had let it out, she was only left with feeling sad and numb.

Eve closed her eyes and leaned into James, not saying much more. She knew she had to get up from under the blanket eventually. They both were taking watch, after all. She just needed a moment to compose herself.

"There was a saying we used to have in the army between us soldiers," James said softly. "'It's not over 'til it's over.'"

He paused, and she could feel him take in a deep breath.

"...It was something Carter and I used to say to each other. But what we really meant was that we wouldn't give up on each other. Not until it was over for good. Not until one of us was dead. And it helped me keep hope for him and for others, even when they were going through a hard time. Even when it looked like all hope was lost. Until I knew without a doubt that they were gone for good... there was still hope. And though it was often, and still is, painful to have so much hope deferred... I don't think it's wrong just because it hurts."

Eve slowly peeled out from the blanket, peeking her head out first but then deciding to fully sit up. She took a deep breath as she stared over the darkness over the camp, still tightly grasping the blanket laid over them.

"You think there's still hope," Eve said quietly. "For Elias, and for Carter."

"I think until they're dead, there's always opportunity for them to change for the better," James said. "They'll just need help along the way, like we all do."

Eve sighed. "Yeah..." she said softly, leaving it at that. She felt like she had said everything she wanted to say, and nothing else was coming to mind.

James seemed content to sit in the silence that followed, and he gently rubbed her arm at a slow pace, his arm still around her. Eve felt exhausted, but not in the physical sense.

"I'm sorry it's been so hard," James said quietly after a long silence.

"It's alright," Eve said back. "It's been hard for everyone."

"Yeah," James echoed quietly, sounding tired himself.

Eve quietly sat her head on his shoulder again. She had said so much, but James had replied to so little. She felt like she had said everything she had to say. A part of her wanted to pull James down with her in this whirlpool of emotions, but she wasn't going to do that for him. Not if he wasn't ready, and not if he didn't want to.

It was nice to let out her thoughts, though - even if it did hang in the air.

Eve knew she'd gain her hope back soon. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe longer. It would come eventually. But just for this moment - just for the next few hours, while she stayed up to keep watch - she wanted to feel sad, and guilty, and worried.

Eve didn't want to pretend to be hopeful when these emotions were far stronger. Not yet.

But she knew she was disciplined and strong enough to never let the despair consume her. Not everyone was the same, and she couldn't blame James for not wanting to dissect her anxiety-ridden mess of thoughts with her.

For now, she'd contemplate in silence, stewing in her own thoughts and emotions, but knowing that she was resilient enough to bounce back soon.

They sat in silence for the rest of the night, but Eve's mind was still so loud.

They couldn't keep going like this. Mel had healed Bo up enough, but he was still terribly wounded. Being in his dragon form would help alleviate some of the struggle that his human form felt in comparison, but after everything he did in the attack, he knew it was possible people would be looking for a dragon now.

He could hear Mickey's voice in his head, telling him that he was being reckless, and that there was another option. The problem was Bo hadn't thought of another option, and now he had to deal with the consequences of what had been his only idea in one of his worst moments.

Gods, he wished he'd brought someone with him. But who could he have possibly brought? Mel and Raj were needed as a leadership presence, and Raj was the only capable earth mage among them, and they were going to depend on him to get them into the city. Hendrik really was key to helping the others get to the city. With so many animals and people in tow, monsters would be looking to hunt them - if not to snack on people, to snack on their beasts of burden. And if they lost those, they were dead in the water, because traveling on foot was so much slower, and James, at least, would greatly hinder their speed of travel, as he was still healing.

The only people Bo could've asked to come along that were established as Elias's friends - at least to some degree, that he knew - were Eve, James, Adina, Mel, and Elise.

Maybe he should've brought Elise along. She wouldn't have objected, but she was so vulnerable, and he didn't know how much her anxiety would hinder her. Maybe he shouldn't have written her off. Maybe he shouldn't have left her behind.

It was too late now. The only way to bring anyone else was to fly back to them, and for established reasons, he really couldn't do that. It would be foolish to.

He wished there was someone else with him to help carry this. He meant it when he said he'd do anything for Elias, but he physically had limits.

Sleep was one of them. He needed sleep eventually, and Bo had a feeling that Elias was not concerned for his own sleep or Bo's. Elias wasn't really concerned about anything, it seemed - not in a way that he was aware of others' needs or his own.

It was clear that he was trapped inside his head, but Bo didn't know how to pull him out of it.

If Bo had known Elias longer, and if he knew more about Elias's history, maybe he'd be able to piece together what was going on. But at present, all he knew what he was seeing and dealing with was the result of years of trauma that culminated in Elias being who he was, unable to deal with the aftermath of the battle none of them asked for.

But Bo knew it went deeper than that. It wasn't just the battle, or Elias's role in it.

That was just the breaking point. Something had been slow-cooking inside this kid for years, and it was only in that battle that Elias wasn't able to hide it anymore.

Bo had a feeling that was the first time any of Elias's friends saw what he was truly capable of. He wondered how many lies Elias had hidden behind, hoping no one would see him that way. Wishing he was someone different. How many years had Elias been hiding?

And he was still trying to hide. He was trying to escape.

Clearly, not just Bo or his presence, but life itself.

Bo watched Elias, passed out on the forest floor, completely unmoving but for the slight rising and falling of his chest. Exhaustion was starting to seep in as Bo finally allowed himself to stay still, sitting with his back propped up against a tree.

What was he going to do?

They couldn't keep doing this... Bo needed rest, or he was going to...

Bo's eyes snapped open when he heard Elias start to move.

He blinked rapidly, realizing that he'd drifted off for some time. He couldn't really register how long he'd been asleep, but in his body he could feel it hadn't been long at all. An hour at most, maybe. Nothing more than a nap, all things considered.

Bo noticed that Elias remained unaware of his surroundings. It seemed like he had tunnel vision, but Bo wasn't sure for what. It was possible he was looking for another way to die that didn't involve drowning or falling off a cliff, but it was also possible he simply didn't have any plan at all, and was merely chasing a feeling at this point now that his first two attempts at self-harm were foiled.

It Bo had any hunches, Elias was probably just desparate to chase a feeling. Any feeling besides what he already was feeling.

It looked like Elias was getting ready to run, but when he actually tried to start forward, his steps were heavy, and his legs wobbled beneath him. Despite his own body's protest, Elias still persisted, practically hobbling forward, not even glancing back at Bo to acknowledge his presence.

Bo took it that Elias didn't even know he was there.

With a sigh, Bo got to his feet, knowing with great sadness that he was going to have to put his foot down and that Elias wasn't going to like it. But sometimes, when you care for someone... love looks like discipline, and discipline is always uncomfortable. For both parties.

Bo caught up to Elias with only a few long steps, eventually surpassing him to stop in front of Elias. It looked like Elias was about to simply run (though he wasn't running - he was barely jogging) around him. Bo stretched out his arms and took Elias by the shoulders, steadying him to a stop.

"Elias," he said gently. "You can't keep going on like this, and neither can I."

Elias didn't say anything. He didn't even look at him, but he also didn't try to fight him. Instead, he kept his head low, staring off at the side, like he was thinking of going around him even though he was stopped.

"Your body needs food, and rest," Bo continued. "And so does mine. And the longer we wander these woods the longer we're put at risk to the dangers that lie within them."

Elias remained silent, not having moved, and still eyeing the path to the side. It was like he was waiting for Bo to let him go.

"We're going to New Haven," Bo said firmly. "I'm not going to let you keep wandering the wilds aimlessly."

Elias didn't move, still shut down to the point of not responding.

"Hey," Bo said softer, shaking Elias's shoulder a little. Something to shake him from his daze.

"We're going to turn around, all right?" he said.

"I don't want to," Elias said under his breath, still not having moved or acknowledging him.

Bo's heart sank.

"I know," he said quietly. "But we need to."

Bo paused, but Elias fell back to silence.

"I don't want to have to carry you," Bo said. "Will you walk with me?"

Elias, again, did not respond or react. Although, his body did tense up. Just a little. It was like he was bracing himself.

Bo was saddened that he would have to resort to physically moving Elias, but he didn't think there was going to be any other way to get this boy to stop running himself to the point of death.

"Okay," Bo said quietly. "Let's go."

He, as gently as he could manage, turned Elias around at the shoulders and firmly took Elias's hand. Bo could feel Elias resist, freezing up, legs locking as Bo tugged on Elias's hand.

He was going to have to carry him. Wasn't he?

With a small sigh, Bo decided to just grab him, and this time, he wasn't gentle.

Careful, but not gentle.

Elias did fight him, at first. He backed away and resisted his pull, but when it became clear that Bo was going to have his way, he gave up completely and finally looked up, acknowledging Bo.

He stared at him with the most fear he had ever seen from him. That made Bo's heart break, but it didn't stop him as he scooped Elias up into his arms, supporting under Elias under his legs with one arm and his back with his other so that Elias's head rested on Bo's shoulder.

It felt like he was carrying a child with how obstinate and unreasonable Elias was being, but it only proved where Elias's mindset truly was. It hurt Bo's heart to think of what could've produced all of this, but he knew now wasn't going to be the time Bo got to talk about it, and it would likely be a very long time before he and Elias could have anything close to that sort of conversation.

Right now, Bo just needed to focus on their present, urgent needs - and those were getting somewhere safe, and making sure Elias was okay.

Mel tried to sleep that night, but given everything that happened... it was hard. Her imagination of the attack haunted her in her sleep, and she felt if she did sleep, there would be another attack and she wouldn't even know it... Bouts of paranoia kept her awake, but Mel really did try to get some rest.

She knew that she wasn't alone.

Everyone slept near each other, and Mel was aware of how often every person moved. Of course, she slept especially close to Jordan, so she knew he wasn't deeply sleeping either. She could feel how tight he held her and how hot his breath was behind her hair. Normally he'd continue to move her hair any time it got in the way, but it was like he didn't care tonight. He just wanted to keep her close.

After they discussed as a group what happened, Mel broke down in front of Jordan in private, unable to hold it in anymore. She had tried so hard to remain optimistic, but after learning of the truth... how could she?

She knew she would bounce back, but she didn't want to deny how she felt tonight. What they experienced was horrifying, and although Mel wished she could have been there for her friends during the attack, a part of her was relieved that she didn't have to see any of the terrors.

Just listening to what happened was enough to haunt her.

And her heart ached for Elias. A part of her felt like she could have predicted him running off, but she couldn't have predicted how much he had been hiding himself. She didn't know what to feel about this. She couldn't begin to explain the complex layers of emotions she felt for him.

Mel wished he would be okay. But after hearing from Hendrik about how his magic worked, and that they traveled to a cliff, where Elias jumped off... how could she continue to smile and remain optimistic?

She could only hope and trust that Bo would bring him to safety. She could only hope that Bo would be safe, given how much he had risked so far.

It felt like everything was on the verge of crumbling, and they were still crawling to the finish line, because the end was at sight. But will this all really come to an end? Mel didn't know, but she didn't want to dwell and get lost on that negative thought.

What was important now was that they find safety and security in each other. They had to keep moving. They had to remain hopeful. They had to truly believe that they would get to New Haven, and that Elias and Bo will come back.

And if any of these ideas felt false to her... Mel knew she had to talk to someone, because she knew herself to know that getting lost in her own head was not only unproductive, but harmful.

So when she broke down in front of Jordan that night, she cried in his arms and told him why she was crying. The violence, the mage hunter fears, her worries about Elias, her concern for Bo... and for all her friends. She just wanted to be safe.

Jordan made her feel safe, listening to her and staying strong for her. But Mel knew that he needed an outlet too. He had been in a daze all day, hardly saying anything and seemingly finding physical distractions, jumping on any task that needed to get done.

No one really slept soundly that night. Mel decided to get up earlier since she was awake anyways, slowly sitting up and beckoning for Jordan to follow her. He seemed to still be in a daze, but he was awake, and he quietly nodded and followed her as they tip-toed around the camp, finding a flat clearing.

Mel was still disturbed over the events of what happened yesterday, but it didn't mean she shouldn't watch a peaceful sunrise with a person she really cared for.

They sat closely still together as they watched the sun slowly rise over the horizon. Mel held his hand firmly, setting their hands on her lap.

"I sometimes forget how resilient the world can be," she said quietly, still staring at the rising sun. "Even after the darkest hour... the sun will always rise."

"It is a nice sunrise," Jordan said softly.

Mel let the silence sit comfortably between them as the sunk continued to peek its way into the sky. Clandestine and Raj saw them scurry off, but as daylight approached, she knew it wouldn't be long until the others began to move as well.

"Thank you... for yesterday," Mel finally said. "I think I was fooling myself for a while there... trying to stay strong for everyone. Thank you for listening, even though I was a crying mess."

"It's alright," Jordan said. "I'd do it anytime. Anytime you need to cry."

Mel tore her stare away from the sun to gaze at his face, noting the soft daylight highlighting his cheekbones. She softly smiled, but her heart still ached for him.

"I want to be here for you too," she said. "I'm here if you need to cry. I know it's a lot... but I want to be here to process with you. I care about you too much to let you do this by yourself."

Jordan looked like he tried to muster a smile, but it didn't feel genuine, and his eyes seemed sad and distant.

"Thanks, Mel," he said. "I appreciate it."

Mel paused, wondering if he would say more - but he didn't.

"I want you to promise me to not bottle this all up," she said gently but firmly, squeezing his hand. "We're in this together."

Jordan squeezed her hand back, but he broke eye contact, looking down at their hands as he hesitated.

"I'll try," he whispered.

Mel noticed that he didn't explicitly say he promised, but she didn't push him. She wanted to be patient and let him come to her when he was ready, knowing that everyone processes differently...

But she couldn't get rid of the nagging voice in her head that Jordan wasn't going to try at all.

There was no way to know until enough time had passed, and Mel was patient. For now, Mel took solace in his words and company, silently pouring her love out to him.

They sat silently together for a few more minutes until she mentioned that they should return to camp. They did so together, and then it was back to routine. Nearly everyone was already up or waking up, and Jordan was quick to pounce on cleanup tasks that needed to be done.

The day went on. They hiked together like usual, but Jordan seemed to be highly focused on the animals, especially since Hendrik was always busy using his magic every minute of the day, keeping the beasts of the wilds at bay. Mel gave him a quick kiss goodbye, saying she was going to talk to the others, and Jordan didn't seem to mind as she drifted off.

It was a new day. Just like the sun, Mel would be resilient. Or at least, try her best. Because at the end of the day, that was all she could really do: try her best.

She noticed that Adina was walking alone, lost in thought as she held Elliot's reins, guiding him as he trotted beside her. Mel thought back to Adina's panic attack and how she and Eve had to remove her from the situation. She hadn't really been watching her, so Mel wondered if she had time to decompress and had anyone she could talk to after hearing what happened.

"Hi, Adina," Mel said with a gentle smile, matching her pace as she invited herself over to walk with her. "Mind if I walk with you?"

Adina seemed jittery as she practically jumped to look at Mel.

"Oh! Oh yeah, sure, sure," she said.

"Oh, sorry for sneaking up on you. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Mel said with a weak laugh.

"You're alright," Adina said, laughing weakly with her. "I was just lost in my head is all. You know?"

"Yeah, I know a thing or two about that," Mel said with another gentle smile. "I find that you can get un-lost if you talk it out with someone, though. Sometimes you need a guide, you know?"

"Yeah," Adina said softly. "Yeah. That can help."

Mel paused, nodding. Sometimes, people needed a little shove to open up.

"What's on your mind?" Mel asked. "I know... probably a lot. But it's a lot to process by yourself."

"I don't know... lately I've been thinking about Elias," she said, looking down at her feet while she walked. "I'm just hoping he's okay. Because I just-- I don't know what else to do. I don't want to think about everything that could go wrong."

Mel felt her heart ache again as she also thought about Elias.

"I hope he's okay too," she said softly. "I don't think he told anyone anything... and he ran before he could face the truth. It all makes me so sad, but I know that we need to hold on to hope and trust that Bo will keep him safe."

"Yeah," Adina said quietly. "I don't doubt that Bo's able to make sure Elias is okay... I just... I don't know."

She paused, her brows furrowing together tightly before she looked up at Mel.

"If Higgins is back," she said. "That means they're on foot, right?"

Mel hummed. "Could be... or maybe there were horses at the abandoned camp. It could be good to ask Hendrik to see if Higgins noticed any," she said, then nodded at her own though. "Yeah. Maybe that's why he let Higgins come back. Because there are other animals, and Elias knew that Higgins was Hendrik's."

"But what if there weren't horses?" Adina asked. "Then they're going to take even longer to get back."

"Well, we're on foot too," Mel said.

"But Bo is injured," Adina said. "And Elias is..."

Adina swallowed hard, turning to look back at the ground with a frown.

She trailed off, but Mel knew what she was implying. Elias was unstable.

"I wish there were a way to speak to them now," Mel said softly. "I'd tell Elias that everyone here misses him so much, and that we all care about him, and we want to see him again. And I'd tell Bo that he's so brave and..."

Mel found herself trailing off as well, about to jokingly say that Bo needed to rest since he seemed to have a habit to working himself to death, but that comment had dreadful undertones. If Elias was unstable, he probably wouldn't listen to Bo, and he probably wouldn't rest. And Bo needed to rest, especially since he was already wounded and tired.

"And that he's a good role model. One that we all care for and admire," Mel finished with a strained smile.

Adina nodded sadly.

"I wish I could tell Elias that I miss him too," she said.

"You should tell him that when you do see him again. I think it would help ground him," Mel said.

Mel noticed Adina was holding something around her chest.

"I don't know if he'd want to see me again," she said quietly.

"Why do you say that?" Mel asked.

"I don't... I don't know if he likes me anymore," she said. "At all."

"Surely that can't be true. He's been emotionally unavailable to everyone here," Mel said gently. "I don't think it's anything personal."

Adina swallowed.

"I guess... I'm just afraid of him pushing me away again," she said quietly, but more honest. "What if I say that, and he doesn't even say anything? Will it even matter?"

Mel found herself hesitating, wishing she knew the answer, but she knew this was something she was struggling with herself. She even had the same thought this morning with Jordan. But... Mel had experienced this before, and she knew what worked for her.

Leaving.

But she didn't want to tell Adina that.

"I think, in Elias's case... well... he's going through some really, really tough times. I think it's clear now that he's not thinking before acting. He's not thinking through how his actions or words would affect other people until it's too late. I think if you did voice your fears that he would push you away... he might stay by your side and apologize. But I don't think the words would register. And it's not anything personal against you, Adina - you are so sweet, and compassionate, and lovely. I think Elias doesn't know how to express his true feelings, and that's something you and I cannot fix by ourselves," Mel said.

"But will he ever get better?" Adina asked, looking up at Mel with teary, heartbroken eyes full of worry.

"I don't know," Mel said quietly, wishing she had a better answer, but she felt that the truth of uncertainty should be expressed over half-baked hope. "There are resources in New Haven that could help. And if you have the patience... I think the best we can do is be there for him. Try to get him to open up and not hide anymore. But I know that's easier said than done."

Adina seemed to fall deep into thought, looking back down at her feet as she frowned at the ground like she was contemplating Mel's answer and the uncertain future.

"Come on. Spill. We've had too many silences today," Mel said with a lighthearted voice.

"I want him to get better," Adina said quietly. "I just don't know if he'll let anybody help him. He ran away from all of us before anyone got the chance. And Bo had to chase him down. And I don't know if he even cares about Bo, even though Bo obviously cares for him so much. I just wish... I don't know. I don't know what he needs. I don't think I'm supposed to. But I just hate feeling like there's nothing I can do but be here. And I don't know what to do with all the... with how much I care for him. I don't know what to do with it if he's not here."

Mel wanted Adina to voice her thoughts, but as she spoke, she realized that all her anxiety was coming to the surface. There was no use in thinking about imaginary what-if situations, but she knew that this was where her head was at. And she wasn't in the wrong to think this, but Mel did want to console her.

She wrapped an arm around her back, giving her a quick half-hug as they walked.

"You are a good person, Adina," Mel said softly. "You care so much for others - especially Elias, who needs all the care in the world right now. Maybe there's nothing you can do right now to change our situation, but you are caring about him. You are thinking about him, and wishing him the best, and hoping for a better future. Sometimes, that's all we can do. And it's not a bad thing. Other people, I think, would move on eventually, letting Elias fade in their memories. But you are truly, deeply caring - and that's what he needs right now."

Adina nodded, and she began to sniffle, wiping her eyes as she started to cry.

"Sorry," she muttered. "Sorry. I just feel so overwhelmed."

"It's alright," Mel said gently, giving her another squeeze before she pulled away but remained close by her side. "You feel deeply for another person. That comes with feeling overwhelmed sometimes. The important thing is that you have others who care deeply about you too. And I want you to know - I care about you too."

Adina looked over to Mel, eyes big and watery with tears as her lips trembled in a pout.

"I care about you too," she said, voice cracking.

"I know," Mel said with a smile. "Oh, come here."

They had to pause in their walking so that they could hug, but the warm embrace only lasted a couple seconds anyways. Adina tightly hugged her before she pulled away sniffling. Instead of walking with tears streaming down her face, she tearfully climbed onto Elliot, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"Thanks for... talking to me," Adina said, still sniffling, now atop Elliot. "Sorry I started crying again."

"Hey, don't you ever apologize to me about crying again," Mel said with a playful smirk, keeping the mood light. "I don't want to hear that. It's good to cry sometimes, you know."

Mel remained by Adina's side for a while, keeping her company and helping her process more of her thoughts. It takes a while for someone with deep-rooted anxiety like Adina had, but she seemed open to sharing, and really did want to process together. Mel was glad that she could at least help one person today.

How many more could she help?

They took a short break for the animals and for Hendrik to rest since he was growing more weary. Apparently, with this big of a group and with the dangerous beasts in the wilds, using his magic consistently was draining for him. He seemed to not mind doing this, but it seemed that he realized that Bo holding a dragon's presence seemed to hold a big influence in keeping the beasts at bay/

As they came to a brief stop and Adina pulled away, Mel decided to check in on James and Eve in the wagon.

"Hey, friends," she said with a smile as she knocked on the wooden panel of the wagon before stepping at the entrance. "Thought I'd stop by. Do you want some company?"

James, at present, had a mouthful of food. He looked over to Mel, still chewing.

"Hi, Mel," Eve said with a little smile beside James. "Sure, you can come in. We were just eating."

"It looks like he's just eating," Mel corrected with a grin as she stepped in. "James's bottomless stomach strikes again."

James took another big bite of food at that comment.

"Yeah... but I can't complain," Eve said, still lightly smiling as she looked at James with pride.

It seemed silly that she seemed proud that he was eating, but Mel knew that they didn't say the nuances out loud. James had been starved for a long time, so having an appetite again was something worth celebrating.

"I just wanted to check in on you guys," Mel said as she leaned on a stack of crates across from them. "A lot happened yesterday... How are you guys holding up?"

"Oh... that's nice of you," Eve said. "It was a lot, yes. It's been hard on everyone, but I think we're doing fine. We're surviving."

Like Adina, Eve was also an anxiety-ridden mess. But unlike Adina, Eve was shut tight, hardly ever disclosing her true thoughts unless Mel forced it out of her. Mel knew that Eve probably had many noisy thoughts in her head that she downplayed, but she also knew that she at least had James to talk through it out loud.

James paused in eating his freeze-dried food.

"I'm hanging in there," he said.

Mel hummed. "Hanging in there, huh," she mused. "Well, hopefully you're not hanging on from a tall height. It sounds like it'd hurt if you fell, but maybe I'll help cushion the fall."

"Being landed on would probably hurt more than the fall," James said.

"Even if I open my arms up wide like this?" she said as she demonstrated, stretching her arms out wide like she was trying to catch him if he fell from the sky.

"I don't think catching me will change how much I weigh," James said with a slight grin.

"You're so right. With all the food you're eating, you're going to fill your bottomless stomach and then crush me," Mel said casually, lowering her arms as she leaned back against the crates, also grinning.

James patted his stomach.

"Better get on it, then," James said with a straight face before taking another big bite of food.

Mel huffed, but she noticed that Eve watching the two of them with a raised brow and an amused smile.

"What? Eve, no. Don't tell me you're taking his side. You're going to stand by and let him crush me as I try to save him?" Mel teased.

Eve shook her head, her smile widening as she laughed through her nose. "I forget how funny you both are with each other," she said.

"I don't know if funny is the right word," Mel said. "I was thinking more weird. James being weird, I mean. I'm totally normal."

"You should've seen us back on earth," James said. "I was constantly throwing her off her rhythm, and she mine. It was a mess - humorous in hindsight but quite chaotic in present."

"I knew you were hiding something right away. It was funny to see you squirm as I poked it out of you," Mel said casually, still grinning but narrowing her eyes at James now.

"She's talking about me being an alien," James said matter-of-factly. "But now you're the aliens, and I'm the normal one."

"Maybe we are aliens," Mel said. "But at least we're not weird like you."

"You wound me," James said, resting his hand on his chest, but he clearly wasn't offended.

Eve seemed to stifle a laugh. Mel briefly made eye contact with James, and it was like they had a shared understanding: they were going to banter each other to death, or until Eve laughed.

"Now we're even," Mel said triumphantly. "That's for landing on me."

"You would repay me for harm yet future," James said. "Always the opportunist."

Mel innocently shrugged, smiling wide. "It's part of the charm. Hey, Clanny and I played a little game in how we described each other. I was three C's: charming, confident, and cunning. Too bad opportunist doesn't start with a C."

"Carefree, charismatic, childish," James added to the list.

Mel huffed, still grinning but narrowing her eyes at him. "Hey, let's do the same for you. I'm thinking three W's. What do you think?"

"Winsome," James said with a wide grin of self-amusement.

"Weird, weird, and weird," she interrupted as soon as he began listing his words.

James's grin faded as he shot Mel a look, all amusement gone as he slow-blinked his eyes. Eve, meanwhile, was smiling but facepalming from the silliness of it all.

"Churlish," James said, clearly pointing the descriptor at her.

"Or maybe wacky?" Mel countered.

"Witty," James offered.

Mel huffed. "Wicked."

"Weary," James said with emphasis.

"Whiny!" Mel said with a scrunch of her nose.

"Wry," James said.

"Wrinkly," Mel said with emphasis of her own.

"Wow," James said with a huff. "I think that's more than enough adjectives. Now everyone will think I'm a curmudgeon, by your description."

Mel giggled. "Ew! Why do you always talk like an old man?"

"I don't talk like an old man," James said. "I simply have the elevated vernacular of a highly educated individual."

"Oh my gods," Mel breathed out dramatically. "I don't think it's your stomach that'll crush me. It's the size of your giant brain."

At that, Eve snorted, hand over her mouth as she let out a laugh. Mel exchanged a triumphant grin with James, feeling pleased.

James offered Mel a subtle fist to bump while Eve was busy laughing. Mel gladly bumped his fist, feeling proud of their teamwork.

"I think you're both weird," Eve said as her laugh subsided, shaking her head.

"Ooh, hear that, James? She agrees with me. You're weird," Mel said.

"You are determined to leave yourself out of this collective compliment, aren't you?" James asked with a smirk.

"Yup. Because I'm the winner," Mel said with triumph and a flourish of her hand.

But internally, she felt like she was barely hanging on to this word play contest, because she was quickly running out of witty words to banter back with. It was a nice challenge, though.

Mel did miss this. It felt like everyone had been busy in their own lives lately. In a way, this shared traumatic event gave her a reason to come together and connect with others again. At least, Mel wanted to see it that way. It was always helpful to look for silver linings during tense times.

She promised to herself that she would continue to be there for others, even when the storm had passed. It almost felt like a shame that it took a traumatic event to remind her to do this, but she knew that was part of healthy growth. And hopefully, she would always grow for the better, becoming a new person every day.

She bantered with James for a couple more minutes, but eventually stepped out as they prepared to get moving again. Even if they didn't really process any of their worries out loud with her, she felt good that she could lift their spirits and make them smile.

Mel naturally looked for Jordan, but he still seemed focused with the animals, not even glancing around for her. She sighed, trying not to pay too much mind towards that right now.

She wanted to become a better person, right? So she wouldn't leave when things get hard, because he needed someone and she wanted to be that someone for him. But... how could she if he didn't want to let her in at all?

Mel shelved that thought for now, skipping towards Clandestine and Alistair ahead of her, deciding to join them in their walk.

"Hey, guys," she said brightly next to Alistair, leaning forward so she could see Clanny more clearly. "Mind if I walk next to you?"

"Hey... yeah, that's fine," Alistair said.

Right away, Mel knew that he was going through a mood. But it wasn't his usual grumpy mood. This felt... real, and sad. He must be thinking about what happened, deeply traumatized. No one blamed him for that.

"How'd you guys sleep last night?" she asked.

"I think I maybe got a few hours of light sleep," Clandestine answered. "But I was tossing and turning a ton."

"Yeah... same here. I didn't really sleep deeply," Mel said, then paused as she glanced at Alistair. "What about you, Alistair?"

"Oh yeah, I slept great. Slept right through all the nightmares," he said flatly.

Mel hesitated. She knew that he wanted to engage in self-deprecating banter, but Mel wasn't going to entertain that with him. Not while he was actually still suffering.

"It was a rough night for everyone, I'm sure," Clandestine said. "But nightmares are always terrible. I know when I have them they can throw me off for a whole day sometimes."

"They can for me too," Mel said. "It's even more scary if it's based out of real events. It can really stick with you, even if the nightmare never actually happened."

"Right... I-- I didn't actually have nightmares," Alistair said more quietly. "At least... I don't think so. I was just kidding. I didn't really sleep much either."

"Ah. Hard to dream if you don't sleep, I guess," Clandestine said with a weak laugh.

Alistair huffed through his nose as at attempt of a faint laugh, but didn't further comment.

It was nice to see Alistair get comfortable with Clanny. Mel had a feeling these two had already talked a lot and were already good friends. Still, she wanted to touch all her bases.

"This is probably a dumb question, all things considered," Mel began. "But are you doing okay? It's been a tough day... I just want to make sure my friends are alright."

"I don't know," Clandestine said with another weak laugh and a shrug. "I think I'm doing as well as I can, you know. Just trying to focus on getting to New Haven and hopefully we'll all have more time to recover... you know. Emotionally and all."

"Yeah," Mel said with a sigh. "I think that's all we can do. We just have to make it one day at a time." She glanced at Alistair, who was focused on staring ahead. "Ali? Are you hanging in there?"

"I'm not falling apart, if that's what you're asking," Alistair said. "I'm doing alright... One day at a time, like you said."

"Well... if either of you are having a bad day, or want to talk about anything... you can always come to me," Mel said with a smile. She then lightly but playfully elbowed Alistair's side. "I know you're not going to come to me. But you know I'm going to keep you company anyways."

"Yeah, yeah," Alistair grumbled with a sigh, swishing her away.

"Yeah, you'll have two friends bothering you now," Clandestine said, lightly tapping Alistair's shoulder with her fist.

"Oh, great. I'm being smothered," Alistair dead-panned.

Mel knew that he was hiding behind humor, but he didn't seem to be too lost in his head - especially since Clandestine was a constant presence. Still, Mel really did mean it when she said that she would continue to check up on him. She had been checking up on him for the past decade, anyways - and she didn't really plan on stopping now.

Mel had a feeling that Alistair felt it was weird to have two of his friends next to him, showering him with love and care. She'd tease him about this another day, instead saying her goodbyes and pulling forward again to the next two people hiking in front of them: Raj and Makiel.

Mel noticed that the two of them had been mostly been keeping to themselves for the last few months, but after the attack and the key roles they played... it was like they noticed they were alone, and so they latched on to each other. Mel admitted she still didn't know Makiel that well after years of knowing him, and she hardly even knew Raj at all. But she knew that the two of them were emotionally mature enough to know when they needed to be in the company of others.

She sauntered over to Makiel, again leaning in with a smile so she could more clearly face Raj. She seemed to interrupt whatever hushed topic they were talking about, but Makiel looked her over with a raised brow, talking before she could even open her mouth.

"Yes?" he said, sounding annoyed.

"Oh," she said with a laugh. "Just wanted to check in on you guys." Mel paused. "Hopefully I didn't interrupt anything?"

"You did," Raj said simply. "But it's fine."

Mel hesitated, glancing between the two of them. She had no clue if she should prod, but Makiel spoke again before she could overthink it for another second.

"It's not important," Makiel said quickly. "Did you want something?"

Mel smiled. "I just want to see how my friends are doing. How are you two holding up?" she asked.

"Am doing fine," Makiel said. "Could be better."

A short and succinct response. Mel nodded, glancing over at Raj expectedly.

"Been worse," Raj said with a small shrug.

"Oh. Well, that's..." Mel squinted ahead, trying to land on appropriate word. "Good news?" she finished with a higher pitched voice.

"How about you?" Raj asked.

She sighed, thinking. "It's been tough. It's a lot to process... and I know I don't want to get lost in my own thoughts. So I figured I'd see if anyone wanted to talk. We're sleeping really close to one another every night now anyways. It doesn't hurt to get even closer, don't you think?"

Makiel seemed to eye her cautiously, slightly raising a brow. "I've been having a thought lately. Want to hear it?"

Mel hesitated. Makiel was sometimes so blunt often was quick to cast accusations, she wasn't sure if she did want to hear it.

"Sure," she said with a faint laugh.

"I think we are lucky to be alive. But I also think Elias is dangerous, and all his friends are scared to admit it," Makiel said with a straight face.

Mel let the silence linger, not liking the hostility in his voice.

"You sure have some strong opinions for not knowing everything," she said flatly. "But yeah. We are lucky to be alive. And we will keep pushing forward every day until we get to our destination."

"Mmhmm," Makiel hummed, not commenting further.

Mel sighed as another silence passed. She really didn't want to have a tense conversation with Makiel about Elias's instability. And clearly, he didn't seem traumatized about the attack. If he did, he didn't show it.

"Well... if you ever need anything from me, or want to talk... you know where to find me," Mel said with a forced smile.

Raj only nodded in response.

"Yup," Makiel simply said.

"Alright." Mel didn't even bother with a proper goodbye, walking past them to leave them be.

Good for Makiel that he found a friend who could tolerate his cold heart. It wasn't that Mel didn't like him; she just wished he had more empathy sometimes. She gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe he was being more mean to cope after a traumatic event, but it was hard to tell for sure.

Well, at least he could talk with Raj. Although, Raj was so quiet, she couldn't even imagine what a heart-to-heart conversation would be like between them.

Up ahead was Elise and Aradis, walking towards the front, trailing behind Hendrik. Mel took a deep breath, deciding they'd be the last ones she'd check up upon.

"Hi, Elise. Hey, other Mel," she said with a smile as she approached, walking by Elise's side. "Want some extra company?"

Aradis turned to look at Mel with a small smile.

"Hey," she said. "Sure, you're welcome to join us."

Mel nodded, noticing how Elise turned to offer a small sad smile herself, but she seemed so tired. She still had puffy eyes with deeper darker circles underneath them.

"I just finished talking to your brother," Mel said to Aradis. "Apparently he's now friends with Maki. This new friendship doesn't really surprise me. I think it's nice to see, actually."

"I'm glad Raj found a friend amongst your group too," Aradis said.

Mel nodded. "I've been thinking it'd be good to check in with everyone and see how they're doing. It sucks to always be in constant survival mode, so it's helpful to be around others. I don't think I've really talked to Raj too much, but... maybe someday I'll manage to get him to say something really funny. Who knows."

"If he says something funny, you'll have to be close if you want to hear it," Aradis said with a small grin. "He's never been a loud person."

"Maybe I'll pretend to not hear him. I'll say, 'What? What did you say? I can't hear you.'"

"He'd probably say 'nothing,'" Aradis huffed. "He's not one to take the bait."

Mel hummed. "New strategy: I'll just laugh at everything he says."

"That'd be a good way to annoy him," Aradis said with a grin. "And trust me. I'm experienced in annoying him."

Mel giggled. "I can totally see that. I don't have a brother, but I think I'm pretty good at annoying Alistair, but I know he secretly likes it. I think I annoy James too, but we annoy each other in the best of ways."

Aradis laughed.

"Has it always been that way between you two?" she asked.

"I'd ask which person you're asking about, but the answer is yes for both," Mel said with a grin.

"I see," Aradis said. "You've just... adopted them as your brothers, hm?"

Mel hummed again. "Ya know, I haven't really thought about it that way. Maybe it's because I was adopted myself, so I naturally want to adopt others. But why can't the sweet, non-annoying brothers come to me for adoption?" she huffed.

"Did they choose you, or did you choose them?" Aradis asked.

"Ah, the age old question. Are they the chicken or the egg?" Mel said, mustering fake pretentiousness in her voice.

"James is definitely the chicken," Aradis said.

"You are so right, because Alistair is totally an egg," Mel said, still grinning.

Aradis just laughed.

"Well don't tell them that," she said. "I don't imagine they'd know how to take it."

Mel laughed at the thought. "We'll see about that."

Maybe she would tell them, if only because the two of them would overthink it, and it was funny to imagine them overthinking about being called a chicken and an egg.

Mel glanced at Elise, noticing that she was following along the conversation, but still seemed to be in a bit of a daze. Maybe Mel could help bring her back to reality.

"What do you think, Elise? Since we're talking about brothers... do you think Elias would be a chicken, or would he be an egg?" Mel asked lightly.

Everyone had only been talking about Elias in the context of recent events. For once, it'd be nice to speak of him from the perspective they all knew of him.

Elise hesitated at the question, thinking. She stiffly smiled and weakly laughed.

"Why only those two options?" she asked.

"I think he'd also be an egg," Mel answered for her.

Elise slightly raised a brow, but Mel looked over to Aradis for validation.

"Yeah? What do you think?" Mel prodded.

"I can see it, I suppose," Aradis offered.

"Total egg energy," Mel said with a nod, her attention back on Elise to hear her response.

Elise seemed to be thinking, staring ahead in focus. "I think he'd be a goat," she suddenly said softly.

"A goat!" Mel sputtered out with a laugh, not expecting her to say that at all. "That's not one of the options."

"Oh... well... it felt right," Elise said with a weak laugh.

"I think it feels more right than egg," Aradis admitted. "Sometimes the answer isn't one of the two... but a different third thing."

Mel hummed. "So, why a goat?" she asked.

Elise paused to think again. "I don't know... I think I was just thinking of the funniest farm animal. A goat came to mind."

"Hmm. Well, goats are kind of funny, I guess," Mel said. "But alright: let's widen up the pool. Instead of chickens or eggs or farm animals, let's think of all the animals. Which one would Elias be?"

Elise was thinking again. It really shouldn't have been a hard question, but she was overthinking it.

"A wind wolf, maybe," Aradis said. "Do they have those on earth?"

"I don't think so, but it would be so cool if they did exist," Mel said.

"That's a good answer," Elise said. "But... I was thinking more dog instead of wolf."

"Ooh! Elias does have total dog energy. He'd be the big floofy golden boy with fluffy hair and floppy ears and would drool all over your hand and run around all crazy," Mel said with a warm smile.

Elise smiled back. Although it was small, at least it didn't look as sad.

"Yes," she agreed.

"Well, I was going to say that Elias was a squirrel. But I think dog and wolf is a better answer," Mel said.

"Dog suits him well, I think," Aradis agreed.

"What about you two? What animal would you be?" Mel asked.

"I think I see myself as an eagle," Aradis said with a hum.

Mel hummed as well. "Why an eagle?"

"They're strong, graceful, and fiercely protect their young," she said.

"Ooh, I really like that. That's a great pick," Mel said with a nod before turning to Elise expectedly.

"I think... well, I don't really know the specific name, but I'd also be a bird. Just a normal, smaller one," Elise said with the same timid smile.

Mel hummed again, in thought. "Why?"

"I think being an animal that could fly away would be nice. But I don't think I'd be an eagle or another big strong creature. It felt right," Elise said, then paused. "I... well, I never really thought about this question before. I'm sure I'd have a better answer later."

Mel slowly nodded, and even though Elise downplayed her selection, she could feel her insecurities leaking through, and it made her sad.

She couldn't help but imagine her side-by-side with Elias, who had habit of running away. Maybe he, too, wished he could fly away to escape.

"I rather like those birds, especially when spring time comes. They're like a sign that warmer, sunnier days are ahead. And I love to hear them sing. Some people find them annoying, but I don't mind waking up to those little songbirds chirping away every morning in the spring and summer," Mel said with a gentle smile.

Elise gave her an appreciative look. "I do too."

Mel thought about prodding more, but she knew that Elise was in good hands. Aradis was a good friend to her and seemed to stick by her side so she wouldn't be alone. Mel was glad to keep her more company, and also to get to know Aradis as well. Mel always said that the Mels ought to stick together, so it was nice to talk some more to her outside her leadership presence.

The conversations eventually died down, and eventually Mel peeled away and said goodbye, wanting to check back on Jordan. Hendrik was ahead of them, but she had a feeling he didn't want anyone to bother him, and he only had his strong arrogant opinions to share anyways. Still, she made a note to at least chat with him later.

Mel walked to find Jordan, still preoccupied with the animals. She was happy to share everything that happened while she was gone, but she still felt like he was distant with her.

It wasn't unusual... everyone was at least a little distant today, including herself.

But Mel did wonder how far she'd allow him to be from her, and she did wonder how long she'd let this happen.

One day at a time. They'd figure this out one day at a time.

Ever since the attack, James felt hollow.

He didn't know how to be there for his friends. He didn't know how to be there for Eve. Even though he was going through the motions and doing what needed to be done, he felt disconnected from it all, and he didn't know how to get back to earth, or what he could possibly do to ground himself again.

The swirl of emotions he'd felt after he'd woken up was tucked away somewhere - somewhere he didn't even know about, like it was lost inside him, and he'd only find it later when something else triggered it. Something else bad. Something else horrible.

But he didn't want to wait for something like that to happen.

He did. He didn't. He didn't know what he wanted. He didn't truly feel much of anything anymore, and he couldn't help but feel like everything he expressed moving forward was only a performance of a feeling, but not the real thing. Even when he was trying to console Eve, he felt useless - unable to give her what she really needed because he couldn't even find a way to meet her halfway. He felt like he was barely able to meet her at all, and he couldn't help but worry that it was the start of something he didn't know how to stop.

Why did it feel like everything was slipping through his hands?

Morning by morning, he was barely existing. It had been like this ever since the rescue. It had been like this for a long time.

Eve had told him she didn't know how he did it: living every day in despair. He knew she'd only been processing, but the thought burrowed down deep, and he couldn't help but wonder the same. It was unsettling when he thought about the disconnect between his own words and what he'd told her compared to the reality of what he experienced on the inside.

Daily, he felt like giving up. But he didn't, because people depended on him. People loved him. He had to show up for Eve, for Alistair, for Mel, for everyone. Because if he didn't, he knew the pain he'd leave behind would be even greater for them than the present suffering they endured.

On an intellectual level, he was able to reason with himself.

Dying never solved anything, it only brought an end, and he would be helpless to manage the pain that followed in the lives of others. Living was worth it, and so was loving, and the latter made the former worth the while.

He just wished those truths would go past his head and to his heart.

He wished it could be easier. But life was never easy. Not for him. Not at all.

Ashamed of his own wallowing, James found himself silent more than he knew Eve would normally bear. It was difficult to put on a smile for others, and when it was just him and Eve alone, he found himself too exhausted to pretend anymore.

He hated that he couldn't find the energy to try. It was hard not to think that Eve was getting sick of him.

How could anyone love someone so hopelessly sad?

"You always ask what's running through my mind," Eve finally said, breaking their long silence. He could feel her worry gaze pierce through him. "What's running through yours?"

They sat together at the edge of the wagon after another long day of travel.

It was cold. It was night. The stars shone brightly overhead in the light of the waxing moon, and James and Eve took first watch again while the others huddled together in their tent they put up, sharing the warmth. Even some of the animals had crawled in there as well.

James and Eve sat shoulder to shoulder, arms behind one another's backs, their thick blanket pulled around them tightly.

James knew he couldn't hide anything from Eve for long, but he didn't know why he felt so ashamed at her question.

He looked down at their feet, not that he could see them in much detail in the dark.

"I don't know," James said.

Before all of this, he felt like he hardly ever used that phrase. I don't know. But now it felt like it was always his reply.

"I don't know why I'm here," he said, not expecting those words to come out. But it scared him to hear it out loud.

Eve rubbed her hand on his back, hesitating. She paused, likely to better think through her words as those few words triggered her bracing for a heavier conversation.

"I don't think there's one single reason," she said softly and gently. "There could be many different answers, big and small."

James nodded slowly.

The problem was, he felt like he knew those answers. He'd told them to himself all the time. Over, and over, and over.

"There are the obvious ones," Eve continued. "Like me, and your friends, and Elliot, and Sleepy."

He nodded again, too afraid to say: "I know."

"And then there are the simple pleasures of life," Eve continued. "Like the sun rising and setting every day. The sun coming out after a storm. The joys of meeting a new animal companion, or a new friend. The list goes on."

And James could build on that list. He knew he could come up with things that even he believed in. Things that sounded right. Things that were true.

"I'm just so tired," he said, barely audible.

"I know," Eve said softly, still rubbing his back. "It's hard to enjoy the everyday simple pleasures of life sometimes. Sometimes, they're not enjoyable at all. But that feeling fades eventually, with time and hope."

James felt a physical pain in his chest. He didn't know if it registered as an emotion. It just hurt.

"It's been eight years," he whispered. "How much longer do I have to wait?"

Eve paused again, letting the pause linger in the air as she kept her gaze of concern glued on him, thinking through her words.

"Do you believe that there's a cutoff? Do you believe that the day will come where you no longer have to wait?" she asked softly.

"Wait... to be happy?" James asked quietly.

He didn't know why it felt like a dumb question to ask.

"To find purpose," Eve said. "Reasons to live."

"I don't think the problem is finding reasons," he said, closing his eyes as a deep frown pulled at the corners of his mouth. "I have reasons. I just wish I had the will. For some reason, I only ever seem to have it when someone else's life is on the line. But when it's just me..."

Eve again paused, perhaps to see if he would finish his thought, but also to think through a response.

"I'm not going to try anything," James said. "I just... I'm just trying to... answer. What's in my head."

"I wish I had an answer I could give you," Eve said, sadness apparent in her voice. "I wish you could see what I see in you. And I know it's not easy... but I do hope that, one day, you could live for yourself, and not for others."

James hugged Eve a little tighter, resting his head on her shoulder.

"I can't pretend to truly understand the complexities of what you're feeling, but I hope you know... it's not always going to be an uphill climb, although it may seem like it, because you're unable to see what lies beyond the hill. And I think it's unrealistic to strive for happiness. Happiness, like sadness, is an extreme state. It's only one side of the spectrum. I think, at the end of the day... living is about finding contentness. It's about being comfortable with your life. It's about finding peace and stillness."

James leaned into her, listening to her breaths, and her heartbeat. The rhythm of her voice reverberating softly from her body to his was comforting, and the warmth of her breath brushing against his forehead tingled against his cold face.

It wasn't that he wasn't listening to Eve. He was. But the comfort of her presence seemed to do more than her words, and he couldn't help but wonder if she'd felt the same way when he'd tried to come up with something to say when she'd been the one sharing all of her worries and doubts.

He wrapped his other arm around her lightly, lacking the energy to pull her in tightly.

"Sometimes," he said softly. "When I am feeling daring, and a pinch hopeful, I'll imagine a future where we are both happy and content. Somewhere peaceful. Maybe on a farm. I don't think I'd really care where so much... so long as I was with you."

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot," Eve said as she embraced him back. "But I don't need that to be happy with you. I already am."

James felt his eyes start to sting, and pressure began to build in his head. The painful ache is his chest pierced deeper.

"I am," James said, but his voice broke.

He loved her. He loved her so much, more than he knew how to say. He was happy with her. He was.

But why was he still so sad? Why couldn't he shake the weariness that clung to him like an inescapable weight - so constant, so heavy?

He held Eve tighter, but it felt like he still had hardly any strength.

He buried his face in Eve's shoulder as she held him close, but tears wouldn't come. The ache of tears strangled his throat and spun in his chest, but he still couldn't seem to cry.

He wished he could be happier. He wished he could just stop being sad. He wished he could just be better, and he didn't have to figure out what life looked like now, post-everything he'd been through. He didn't have answers. He didn't have any solutions to offer.

"I love you, James. And I'll remind you every day of it," Eve whispered, giving him a squeeze.

"I love you too," he said hoarsely, almost desparately, like he was afraid she wouldn't believe him.

And he didn't know why, either. He didn't know what was wrong with him, anymore. He didn't know how to fix it.

He held onto Eve for a long time, trying not to cling to her too tightly.

Eventually, he pulled away, and they remained huddled close for the remainder of their shift, but the two of them fell into a comfortable silence, even though his heart still ached deeply.

Sleep, that night, came quickly, but as expected, it didn't stick. It usually didn't but especially not in recent days. He'd become used to waking up in a sweat, heart racing, blood pumping, wide awake. After those bursts of panic, it was almost impossible to fall back asleep no matter how hard he tried, and unfortunately, that bout came early.

He was up almost all night, holding Eve at his side, begging for sleep that never came.

By the time the sun came up, he found himself more exhausted than he normally was, and though he'd begun riding Elliot for short amounts of time, he couldn't even manage that for the day.

After multiple people's comments on his haggard appearance, he ended up back in the wagon - an environment he was wearily familiar with - drifting between sleep and wakefulness for the hours that passed. He didn't think he truly slept longer than a few minutes, really, and by the time the day was over, he hardly remembered what happened.

That night he and Eve were assigned the last shift, and it seemed it was for the better. He finally was so exhausted he passed out, and when he woke, it was with a jolt - but to Eve waking him for their watch.

Groggy, he got up, and together they stayed up until the sun rose.

Fortunately, there weren't any hostile creatures that showed up on their watches yet - and James just hoped that stayed true for their few remaining days.

The morning routine went as usual, and after a meager breakfast, everyone was on the move again.

They were starting to feel the pain of insufficient food as they were spreading out their rations even thinner in the last few days. No one complained, but James knew they could all feel the hunger gnawing at their stomachs - especially as it got colder with each passing day.

But at least James found the strength to ride again. If not for the whole day, at least for a little bit.

He'd missed riding, and He'd missed Elliot. He got to care for him day to day, but it just hadn't felt the same. Even though their days of long travel through the years had been tiring, and at many times strenuous, there was a bond between the two of them that even distance couldn't break.

With Sleepy tucked in his jacket (and he'd stopped caring how silly it looked), he rode Elliot at the back of the party, just behind the wagon.

Adina was further ahead, at the front of the wagon, and Eve was sitting with her. Unless they were turning, they were out of James's sights, but he was glad for Eve to get more time with Adina.

He hadn't realized that Mel had jumped into the back of the wagon though, for the morning's journey. At least, not until she popped her head out to look at him as he rode behind.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked with a smile as she dangled her legs in the air, swishing each leg back and forth.

"Riding," he answered.

"Whatcha thinking?" she asked instead. "You make a face when you think. It looks like this."

Mel then imitated the grumpiest, angrieset expression she could muster.

"... I think that's just my face," James said with a weak smile.

"Hm," she hummed with disappointment. "You're so right. Maybe one day it'll change?"

"I don't think there's much hope for that," he said. "But I'm sorry if my default expression has ever made you uncomfortable for any reason."

"Uncomfortable?" Mel said with a scoff. "Please. I'd be more uncomfortable if you all of a sudden started to smile all chipper and bubbly. I'd wonder what happened to you."

"Careful what you say. One day I might do that just to mess with you," James said.

"Oh no. I'm going to be so traumatized by your happiness. Whatever will I do?" Mel said dramatically, hand to her forehead, palm facing up as she leaned back like she was in pain.

James huffed through his nose.

"There wasn't much going through my head just now besides the hunger and the cold," he said, finally answering her first question. "Was there anything going through yours?"

"Yeah, actually," Mel said as she straightened up, her smile slowly fading. "I wanted to pick apart your manly brain. You know, to ask a man question. And because you have a ginormous brain."

James blinked slowly at her, but he had a feeling her question was going to be serious, even if she was prefacing it with a light-hearted insult.

"Sure," he said. "What's the question?"

Mel sighed longingly, squinting as she tilted her head up towards the sky. "Well, maybe it's not really a question. More like... a story. Or maybe it's just a scenario? Anyways..."

She turned her attention back to James, the seriousness returning as she began to speak, both with her words and her arm gestures.

"I feel like Jordan hasn't been processing anything with me, or with anyone, really. I think he feels like he needs to be strong, even during tough times. But I'm like - gah, I wish I can just squeeze him, shake him, and tell him that it's fine to feel sad. What is up with men not wanting to be sad?! Sheesh. It's like, instead of feeling sad, men just bottle everything up in this teeny weeny little container inside of them, and pretend everything is totally fine, and then act like soulless versions of themselves. Like, do men not know that their partners would rather see a crying mess than a soulless husk? I don't get it," Mel said with a sigh.

James knew that Mel was actually talking about Jordan. But he couldn't help but see himself in the "scenario."

James let out a small, quiet sigh.

He had to think about how to reply to this, but instead of just thinking about what he'd tell Mel to tell Jordan, he unavoidably couldn't help but also think about what he'd want to be told as well.

"Tell me, Mister Big Brain. Spill all your wisdom on me," Mel said with a playful dramatic voice, even though he knew that she was seeking serious advice. "Are all men doomed to be emotionally unavailable, or am I just some terrible magnet, always attracting them?"

"I don't think all men are like that," James said. "But it's not uncommon for a lot of men to learn indirectly, I suppose, that sadness and weakness are seen as one and the same. And in much of society - it seems, perhaps on earth as well - weakness is not something celebrated or encouraged, nor is there much space for it to be expressed. It becomes even more difficult in strenuous situations like ours, where there is a legitimate threat we still have to worry about. I think for many people - and I suppose, men in particular - in an effort to still function, it's easier to tuck that emotion away in the name of being able to focus and be alert to present dangers. The problem is that once it's tucked away, it almost never gets addressed again..."

He paused, not sure why explaining all of this felt so strange. He felt like he was exposing himself in the process.

"You see it a lot in the army," he said. "In men and women, really, but I suppose, in men in particular. And I guess you don't have to be in a war-torn context to still bottle up your emotions if it's a coping mechanism that someone's used to."

He shrugged.

"It's very possible Jordan isn't even thinking about what he's doing," James said. "It might actually be helpful to tell him what you said before: that it's fine to be sad. And he might need to hear that several few times before it clicks."

Mel seemed to listen intently, but towards the end, she was narrowing her eyes at him, like she was trying to analyze him.

"So what I'm hearing is that you've felt like this too," she deduced. "Right?"

"I'd be lying to deny it," James said.

"And your advice -- the part about saying it's fine to be sad. Did that work for you?" Mel asked.

"It... it helped, for sure," he said.

Mel hummed. "What else helped?"

"I guess..." James sighed. "It helps when you feel safe around a person to share things. Though I don't know how to go about acheiving that, as that feeling comes with time and trust."

Mel hummed again, but this sounded playful. She leaned forward, her chin resting against her fist as she playfully smiled at him.

"You sure have a lot of wisdom," she said. "How many hearts did you break before you learned all this? Sheesh, you never told me about your saucy past with others before."

James stared at her for a moment, not sure how Mel arrived at that conclusion from what he said. But he felt his cheeks start to burn.

"I..." he hesitated.

This... this was not something he'd expected to come up at all. Or ever, really.

"It--it wasn't like that," he said weakly.

"Oh yeah?" Mel said innocently. "What was it like, then?"

"I didn't even say anything happened," James said quickly. "You just made an assumption."

"I'm just saying. You had to get that information from somewhere. If it's not learned from your own experiences, then how else would you know?" Mel said with a shrug.

James found himself feeling nervous, and the thought occured to him that he could just ride away from the conversation. But for some reason he had a feeling Mel would only chase him. Probably literally.

"I've learned some of it from experience, sure," James said, trying to think of a way to turn this conversation back around to her again.

"Oh, tell me about it. What was their name?" Mel asked.

"I thought we were talking about Jordan," James said, knowing that it was a weak diversion and wouldn't work.

"Ew, we can't both be dating Jordan," Mel said with a stifled laugh.

"I'm not--" James interjected, only to let out a frustrated, longsuffering sigh.

He drooped his head, trying not to be childish in how he really didn't want to talk about this.

"Come onnnn. Tell meeeeee," Mel drew out, resorting to begging now.

"I don't really want to talk about her because she's dead," James said with a huff.

All of Mel's playfulness seemed to disappear as she looked at him with sorrow and compassion.

"Oh. Sorry," she said softly, then paused. "But... I don't think it's a bad thing to talk about the dead. If anything, I'd argue the opposite. We should continue to remember them and respect the memories made with them. Do you agree?"

James did not feel like affirming that with a verbal response.

"Do you mind at least sharing her name? I don't even know her, but I'd at least want to honor her with a name," Mel said.

"Ingrid," James said, staring down at his hands.

"How long had you two been together?" she asked gently.

"Not long," James said quietly. "A little... under a year."

"That's plenty long," Mel said softly. "I'm sorry she's gone. I know you're happy now with Eve, but I think it's normal to think about and greive an old lover's death. She was someone you once loved, after all. I think losing anyone you once loved is so difficult."

James knew that Mel was being kind, and compassionate, and she was trying to be helpful - but it dawned on him that... Mel didn't know the fullness of what happend at the palace. She didn't know about Carter, and the King's Hand, and the deaths of everyone in it. She didn't know that he was also grieving the deaths of Hellen and Kirk - old friends he never saw since his first escape from King's Peak, but he'd never gotten closure with them. And now they were gone, too.

She didn't know how fresh of a wound it was that she was digging into, and he didn't know how to tell her.

He swallowed, still staring down at his hands and the reins in them.

"Ingrid was the one who helped me escape the palace," he said quietly.

"She sounded brave, just like you," Mel said.

"She told me she never wanted to see me again, and that after that day, I never knew her," he said even quieter.

Mel was quiet, not commenting.

"She was the one who came to take me in, when Rita and Tula turned me over," he said. "She didn't even look me in the eyes."

"That's so awful. I'm sorry," Mel said quietly.

James gripped the reins tighter.

With everything else going on, he'd hardly had a chance to think about it. He hadn't meant for all of this to spill out in a conversation with Mel about her boyfriend troubles.

"After... after I was rescued," James said. "Because I escaped..."

James found himself hesitating. He knew that Bo had tried to keep certain things quiet for Elias's sake, but James didn't know what to do with it. He didn't know how to explain everything. He didn't know how to cover this all up.

"She died," he said, deciding to cut it short.

He couldn't bring himself to explain who did it and why.

Mel was quiet again for a moment. "That happened recently," she said quietly with heartache in her voice as she connected all the dots.

"Yes," James said quietly.

"Oh, James. I had no idea. I'm so sorry," Mel said, sounding like she wanted to cry for him.

"It's... you had no way of knowing," he said. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm not feeling guilt. I am feeling sorrow and sadness for you, because I know how difficult this must be for you. Does Eve know?" she asked.

"I..." James said with a sigh. "I..."

He hadn't told Eve. He hadn't thought to tell Eve.

"Am I... am I the only person you've told so far?" Mel asked softly when he didn't answer.

"It's just with everything else-- I-- I haven't..." he stuttered.

"Have you at least allowed yourself to be sad?"

James hated how much he hated that question.

"I hadn't even let myself think about it all until you asked," he said.

Mel was quiet again as the implications sunk in. She had assumed that he used to be withdrawn from others and from Ingrid, but he had learned to grow past it and could now offer advice from his experiences. But the truth was, even though he'd learned what he'd said in theory, it was a whole different thing to put it into practice. He felt like a hypocrite, exposed.

"I shouldn't need to ask for you to think and feel things," Mel said gently. "I'm happy to guide you, of course. I'm sure anyone here would. But - we can't read your mind, you know. If you shut down... we can't help you, even if we really, really want to."

James didn't know if it was the fact that he was riding a horse during this conversation, or the fact that he was still trying to focus on following the wagon, or the fact that everything felt like too much to feel - but he found himself becoming painfully overwhelmed.

If he shut down, she couldn't help him, and nobody could. But if he let himself break, right here, right now, everyone would know.

Maybe it was just his stubborn pride - but he didn't want to break in the middle of the wilds where half the people he was traveling with didn't know him at all and him stopping in his tracks would undoubtedly draw all of their attention.

He'd already bawled his eyes out in front of all of them too many times those first few days.

His lips pressed into a deep frown as he wrestled within.

"I... I can't," he said. "Not right now. Please."

"Alright," Mel said, understanding. "If not now, then later? Do you promise? It doesn't even have to be with me."

He wanted to have this conversation with Eve. It wasn't anything against Mel, but he wanted to cry in Eve's arms instead.

He nodded.

"Yeah," he said.

And he did mean it. He just couldn't look up at her if he was going to keep it together at the moment.

A short silence passed, but James could still feel Mel's gaze on him.

"You've told me about a past love," she finally said, breaking the silence. "Do you want to hear about my first love?"

James glanced up at her. She was still serious but gentle, her brows drawn together with empathy and concern.

"If you're wanting to share," he said quietly.

Mel nodded. "I think first loves have the greatest impact on a person. The first time of anything is so exciting and so new. Life is about discovery, after all. And experiencing anything for the first time is so thrilling. And love - that's a powerful emotion. Experiencing love for the first time... and with that, heartbreak... that leaves a lasting impact on you."

She sighed, a small smile returning.

"All that to say, I do think my first love has affected me to this day. It took me a while to realize it, but I think it's the reason in why I tend to seek certain traits in men, and why I keep going back to the same habits," she finished.

"What was their name?" James asked, mirroring her own question to him.

Mel smiled sadly at him, hesitating.

"Elias," she said softly.

Suddenly, Mel's comments seemed to make more sense with this added context.

James's expression softened as he looked at her with sadness, realizing how much that must have affected Mel's experience this whole time.

"How long ago was this?" James asked.

"Gods. We were so young," Mel said, weakly laughing. "We were sixteen when we got together, and broke up at eighteen. I had a lot of growing up to do, but I think it did set up the path of my future love life."

She sighed again. Deeply.

"It's not what you think. Well, maybe a little, since this was a teenage love story, and we were each other's firsts, and the relationship lasted two years. I'd been friends with him for a couple years beforehand and he suddenly sprung romantic interest on me. I found it so endearing, especially since he was just as funny, and he was also really..."

Mel scrunched her nose in thought, trying to think of the right words.

"Like, not a hopeless romantic. But intensely romantic, sometimes, for brief moments. But the whole relationship felt a little intense sometimes, especially towards the end. Gods, we fought so much towards the end. I argued with him so much, practically begging him to be more present and spend more time with me, but he just... wasn't. And then I couldn't take it anymore. So you know what I did?"

Mel paused, but she continued anyways.

"I left. It was stupidly dramatic, because - again - teenagers. But I left and also gave him the silent treatment. And it wasn't until-- well... you know what happened. But imagine the guilt I felt. That stuck with me for a long time. What if I hadn't have left? What if I just... put up with it? Because he clearly needed someone. He clearly didn't have anyone to be sad with, so what if I had just... dealt with it, even if he didn't actually process any of his emotions?"

Mel shook her head, sighing again.

"I don't know. I think I bounced back again after that, but I admit it made me more... I don't know -- reckless, I guess, with relationships. I think I was afraid of commitment, but also afraid of being stuck in an unhappy relationship, but also afraid that I couldn't leave because I'd feel too guilty. At the same time, I hated how it felt to be with someone who isn't emotionally available. I couldn't stand it, and still can't," she finished.

"Did you ever get closure with Elias?" James asked softly. "Upon meeting again this past year?"

Mel hesitated, but then nodded. "I think so, yeah. We talked early on. There's no hard feelings or anything. It's not weird."

James raised his brow slightly, having a feeling there was more she wasn't saying, but he didn't want to press it. Especially since... Elias wasn't around.

James hesitated in turn.

"Okay, we might have kissed," Mel blurted out. "Like, way back when. At the beginning. Not long after we met."

James hadn't expected a confession, but, it seemed Mel felt pressured by mere silence.

He decided to again, say nothing, and merely watched her.

"Okay, so we may have slept together," Mel blurted out again with a nervous laugh. "But we were alone! Well, sort of. Finnley was asleep and you were with... you know. With Eve, cooped up in your room. I didn't know it would happen!"

"Uh-huh," was all James said.

"Okay, twice," Mel huffed, now annoyed. "But that was it, I promise! After the first time, I was like, 'Okay, maybe we shouldn't do that again.' But also--"

Mel hesitated, like squinting her eyes towards the sky for a moment, abandoning that thought.

"Anyways, it doesn't matter. This happened during the first month in the mines. After the second time, I put my foot down and said we should just remain friends. He didn't seem to mind, actually. And since then, the topic never came up again. It feels kind of weird that it's not weird, but... it really isn't." Mel hesitated. "It did feel pretty good to tell him that, though. I think... yeah. It did feel like closure. Honestly, it also made me feel a little powerful," she finished with a smile.

James felt like maybe this had been something others knew about, but he'd been left out of.

Had it been because he was preoccupied with Eve? Was that why neither Mel or Elias told him? But then again, if it was public knowledge, he felt like he definitely would've at least heard some kind of comment from Hendrik. Hendrik was always teasing Elias, especially, and something like this would've come up especially now that Hendrik was angry in light of all that had happened. It probably would've been used to invalidate Mel's defense of Elias when they were discussing how the fight played out.

So... maybe Mel hadn't told anyone, then. Did that mean James was the first?

James watched her, letting another small silence pass as he tilted his head slightly.

"Am I the first person you've talked to this about?" he asked.

Mel seemed to be five steps ahead of his words, already suspicious. But she nodded anyways.

"Yeah. I mean, what else was I supposed to say? 'Oh hey, guys, so I succumbed to the hots of my first love again. But I've moved on. No big deal.'"

"I'm just saying," James said. "I'm glad you and Elias were able to resolve it with each other, but after the hard time you gave me for bottling things up - it sounds like you've bottled this up for a while. Even if you've 'moved on.'"

"I knew you were going to say that," Mel grumbled with a groan.

"I'm not trying to berate you," James said. "I'm glad you told me. I'm just sorry that you had to navigate all of that by yourself. Even though it seems you're alright now, I'm sure it was still... a lot to deal with in the moment."

"Yeah..." Mel said softly after some hesitation. "But I told you just now, didn't I? I think I needed some time to think through it. I did a lot of reflecting, especially since I've gone months by myself, single - which really hasn't happened a lot. I guess I haven't really thought about it again... until now, that is. I've just been thinking about a lot of stuff recently, including this topic."

"That might be something to keep in mind, then," James said softly. "Some people process things slowly... like you, it might take them time - months, even - to feel ready to figure out how they feel and have a deeper conversation about it."

"That's true. I'm telling myself to be patient," Mel said, just as soft. "I can see potential, especially from people I love. I think some people will always be heartbreakers. But there are some people... like Jordan, and like Elias, who maybe don't want to be the heartbreaker. But given their circumstances, they just are, because they're not opening their heart to others. But I see past that, because I see their potential. I see what they can be. So I don't want to leave - at least, not right away. But then I get so, so unhappy, holding on to what could be, rather than what is. You know?"

James hummed, looking down in thought.

"I guess it's just up to you, then," he said quietly. "To decide how long you think you're willing to wait for things to change."

And he knew Mel not to be a passive party in the waiting. If she was waiting, he knew, for her, that meant she'd be fighting for the relationship too.

"That's the thing," Mel said quietly. "I can't change who they are. It's not my place to do that."

"I don't think you're responsible for making them change," James said. "You're not, and you shouldn't feel like that's your weight to carry. But I do think it's important to try to have conversations about what's not working before you leave. It's kind to at least try to talk it through, I think. You never know if they're open to change or not until you talk do. And sometimes people aren't aware of their own flaws and weaknesses until they're pointed out to them."

"That's true. I'm not one to simmer on this in silence anyways. I do plan on talking to Jordan about this soon, but..." Mel leaned forward, her cheek resting on her hand supporting her head. "I'm just... bracing myself. If anything gives me anxiety, it's this. Because I don't know how much more of this my heart can take."

Though James didn't know the exact pain, he empathized with the heartache Mel was already trying to prepare herself for - and the feeling of having to brace yourself for the worst.

"I do hope it works out," James said softly. "But if things don't go as you hope..."

He paused, letting out a small sigh.

"Just know," he said. "That you deserve someone who's going to love you with the same level of wholehearted openness you give to the ones around you. And if someone's not willing to change for the better for you, they're missing out on the treasure that you are."

With each passing word, Mel seemed to sit up straighter and smile warmly, the smile reaching her eyes.

"Awww. That's really sweet of you, James. You're a good friend," she said with a wider smile.

James offered her a small smile in return.

"So are you, Mel," he said softer. "You always have been."

Mel kept her smile, but she scrunched her eyes as she flicked her eyes between James and Elliot. "Okay, wise old man. Get off your horse and give me a hug," she said, already extending her arms.

James stared at her for a moment.

"Uh," he hesitated, eyes searching for somewhere to lie Elliot to so that they'd still follow along with the moving wagon.

He rode Elliot up to the side of the wagon and reached around Elliot, balancing in the saddle as he tied off Elliot's lead to one of the supporting wooden poles at the back. While Elliot was still moving, though at a more relaxed pace alongside the wagon, James dismounted, hopping for a moment before he quickly jumped up into the back of the wagon before it passed him.

He took a second to steady himself before he sat himself next to Mel, letting out a sigh.

"Finally," Mel said, repressing a giggle.

"I haven't done anything like that in a while," he muttered, turning to Mel, arms open.

Mel was quick to pounce forward, her head tucked under his chin as she tightly wrapped her arms around his chest. She squeezed him with a surprising amount of force, and he let out an involuntary groan. His body was still healing, and it by no means felt painless.

"Oops. I was trying to crack your back," Mel said as she loosened her grip to a normal hug.

"Rrrright," James wheezed.

"I thought I'd hear more muscles pop, though? Isn't that what happens when you hug old people?" she wondered out loud.

"I'm a little too tense for that," James mumbled.

"Well, loosen up, will ya?" she said with a giggle, giving him another quick squeeze before pulling away with a big smile.

James let out a long sigh, leaning back on his hands.

"Easier said than done," James said.

"Maybe it's easier than you think. I did manage to get you to shower me with compliments just now. Who knows what else you can do?" Mel said playfully.

James only huffed, leaning back to steady himself on the back of the wagon.

"You're right though," Mel continued, her playful smile turning back into sincerity. "At the end of the day, I just want to be loved and appreciated. Like you said... I do deserve someone who will love me with the same amount of openness. I want someone to truly care about me the same way I care about them. But at the same time... I also want someone who cares about themselves too. I want to be with someone who wants to be a better person every day, and in turn, that makes me a better person. I want to lift each other up and be better together, not out of obligation, but because doing so makes us happy. That's what love is about, don't you think?"

James watched Mel as she spoke, but at the question, he looked away, gazing out at the trees passing around them.

"It's definitely a big part of it," James said softly.

Mel seemed to wait to see if he would elaborate further, but upon silence, she sighed and continued to swing her legs at the wagon's edge.

"Well, thanks for the advice," she said. "And for listening. I didn't think my asking about Jordan would lead to us talking about our past love lives, but oh well. Life's full of surprises."

"That it is," James agreed.

And at that, they fell into a comfortable silence, sitting on the edge of the wagon.