Young Writers Society

Joyous faces shining all around,
Echoing merrymaking sounds.
Sound of laughter and cheers,
Undeniably wonderful feast.
Season of happiness, love and peace.

In this time of the year,
Seek the Most Dear.
The reason for the celebration.
He who was born to save,
Every tongue and every nation.

The Son of the Living God,
Redeemer and the Highest King.
Under His heavenly reign,
Everyone will come and sing.

Manger’s little treasure,
Every shepherd came to witness.
Angels above gathered in prayers:
Now is the birth of our Highness!
In chorus they sang, Gloria!
Nativitas Domini Nostri Jesu Christi!
Gloria in excelsis Deo!

Overwhelming grace within,
Father’s greatest love and incarnate.
Christ came to save and win,
Heal every broken soul; a new life He will create.

Remembering Christ Jesus,
Is the true meaning of Christmas.
Sharing, forgiving and loving one another,
These are why we were made for each other.

May we all embody and keep this truth,
As we look forward and celebrate this season.
Sign of His eternal love for us, birth of our great salvation.

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son,
and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”). ~ Matthew 1:23

Hello! You were a little late in writing this, lol. It's not quite Christmas anymore! But it's good that you have written it now.

Okay! So, first thing that I noticed was that it seemed like you tried to start a rhyming scheme... but then you abandoned it. But then you tried something else up. But then you abandoned that. Anyway, I think this would be a lot better if you chose something and stuck with it. It would help additionally because....er, I mean no offense here... this idea has been done quite a lot, so you want to keep it as neat as possible, and one way to keep it neat is to make sure that it flows easily.

The other thing that you might want to do is to either make it more side-tracked or less side-tracked. Right now, it's kind of in the middle of both, so it looks pretty weird. Er... what do I mean? Well, in the poem, sometimes it feels like you forget what you are writing about and get side-tracked with praise or something and then you try to get back to it but you're side-tracked even more. I mean, this isn't bad by itself. But, I think that if you want to fill it up with praise, then fill it up with a lot more praise. And if you want to keep it more logical and orderly, you should continue without side-tracking on the praise, and THEN put in a huge amount of praise. Kind of like the psalms. Right now, the way you have it, it seems a bit random and strange.

Hope this helps! And I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. Next stop? Easter!

God bless!

Hello, iamjemo! :3 Isha here to review.

This poem was cute, and the intention you had while writing it is obvious, and your intentions themselves are honestly the most enjoyable part of the poem for me.

It would seem that Snoink's already pointed out what was going on with your rhyme scheme, and I definitely caught that, too. But I'm not going to talk so much about how you abandoned it, restarted something else and re-abandoned that so much as I'll talk about the rhyming and the way it all flowed itself. A lot of the rhymes sounded forced, and a lot of the words you used were just so... typical... for a Christmas poem/song. Now, not to say that you shouldn't use the traditional Christmas adjectives or anything, but a little originality and spice of your own is also a very good thing.

As for flow; when you rhyme in a poem, it has to be in a way that doesn't make everything sound clunky. The words have to be able to flow together, even despite the fact that they're rhyming. A lot of the time, when people use a scheme like this, the ends of the lines feel like they were hacked off with an ax. The flow just sort of... isn't there in some areas as strongly as it should be. I don't know the actual dynamics of a good rhyming poem, only that it's necessary to watch how the last word of one line interacts with the first word of the next line, and so on and so forth, so I'm not going to give you some huge technical explanation. xD (You don't technically need to know mechanics to make a good rhyming poem, anyway- they just help you understand how to do it). However, if you were to edit, I would definitely fiddle around with flow and word-choice a bit here.

And Snoink's second point is also something that I'd like to re-mention. You seemed a little... unsure of what to do with the poem. Praise or the story? The way you have it here is a little jumbled up between the two, isn't it? My best advice for this would be to find some sort of a system. Maybe use all of the lines in a stanza, except for one, to tell the story, and then use the last, the first, the middle, or whichever line works for you best, to add in a bit of praise. Or maybe make the last line tell a bit of the story, and the rest be praise. Or don't do that at all- be creative and figure out something that works for you. (Like Snoink said: You could use the first bit as either the story, and the last bit to give praise for the story, just like Psalms).

I'd encourage you to explore with this, because Christmas could use a few new pieces that really encourage the Reason for the Season. Overall, though, it was an enjoyable read, if you were just reading for the heck of it. (I of course was reading so that I could review, so that's a whole other story. xD)

Hope this helped! If you have any questions/concerns, please feel free to shoot me a PM.

Keep writing,
~~Ish.