Young Writers Society

A poem for this day, though it is but two hours and a half to Christmas. I was humming an improvised tune while writing this, so please pardon this seemingly rhythmless poem.

Hark to this Christmas Eve;
This year may be our last.
The Christmas bells rang song,
The Christmas trees lit long.
Old Santa bids them fare
Well wife and children fair.
The carols birdsong be;
The chestnuts roasted be.
Soon Christmas come and bless
All our children in rest.
Yet brief and short this day
Shall be - 'Tis but a day.
But fret not, Young one
As now 'tis Christmas Eve.

Hi there!

I really like your rhyme here. It seemed smooth enough for me! Though this part;

Hark to this Christmas Eve;
This year may be our last.
The Christmas bells rang song,
The Christmas trees lit long.
Old Santa bids them fare
Well wife and children fair.
The carols birdsong be;
The chestnuts roasted be.
Soon Christmas come and bless
All our children in rest.
Yet brief and short this day
Shall be - 'Tis but a day.
But fret not, Young one
As now 'tis Christmas Eve.

You rhymed 'be' with 'be', and 'day' with 'day'? That isn't exactly rhyming, and kind of caught me off-guard are ruined the poem for me.

Also,

But fret not, Young one

I'm not sure, but why does the "y" of "young" have to be capital?

Overall, I really really liked this poem. You've got potential and it is clearly seen! I hope you write more!

-TwistedMuffins.

Hi there, Mattimias!

It's not exactly Christmas Eve anymore, but I hope that's alright!

As I've been saying many times during these last couple of days, I'm somewhat of a fan of rhyming poetry. However, in this poem my favourite lines were actually the ones that didn't rhyme. I've never been extremely keen on the AABBCC rhyme scene, because somehow it's distressing to me and makes the poem seem like it's in a great hurry.

Still, your rhymes were principally pretty good -- I especially liked the "fare/fair" one, even though it's not exactly a rhyme, but works here. Like Muffins, I also was a bit confused by be/be and day/day -- you did those at least almost symmetrically, which might suggest intention, but still I was left with a feeling that you simply didn't come up with a proper rhyme.

The rhythm in this poem was fine, so nothing to say about that.

I'm not sure if that's what you were going for, but to me the Christmas in this poem seems like an old-fashioned one, and there's a lovely, sort of antiquated feeling in this. I enjoyed that.

Hope this helped!


Demeter
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