Shades of loneliness

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Points: 1636
Reviews: 30

Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:04 am

Flyingchaos says...

Remembering

A teardrop slightly sliding down.
Watching as you let me down.
Your touch I still remembered. But wanted to forget.
The moon sharing my lonliness like we shared our shyness.

Feeling the longing in your eyes. I didn't want any more lies.
You destryed me. Watched me cry. You made me feel the pain of being alone.
I wanted you to want me. I wanted the hole world to see. That I belong to you. And you to me.

You are watching me as I watch you. I feel betrayed and I feel used. I want you to be beamused.
And egoist is what I am. I love your face I love you no matter race. I love you for being you. A humanbeing well that's nothing new. I know I misunderstood and but at least I knew were I stod.

Who are we? Where are we heading? I spoiled you... And I ruined the trust between us.
But you killed me inside. You toyed with my heart. I wanted you to leave and you stayed. You forced me to say 'I love you' in a desperate state. It felt like being in a trance. You were my saviour and I was you slave. I don't know you anymore but I don't care as long as we part for what I care.

I have realised I do have a life. Even without you I can breath. Even without you I have confidence and and I can celebrate. I miss you though you were the one shadding me from the loneliness.

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Points: 915
Reviews: 1

Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:56 am

soosoolw says...

The idea in the Poem is so touching, I not only liked it but I also loved it; it made me feel like I am living your pain, although in your age I believe I have lived the same hurt and the same feelings of pain from love and yet in your age I still felt desperately in love, but at the same time I did not let love control me or put me down.

The rhyming in the Poem is excellent, but what would be more nicer and romantic, if you made conflicts in your poetry, it is true you are sending a message to this person on how much you are in pain, but you can also send another message putting positive thoughts to your own self, telling yourself that there is someone out there who loves you no matter what you are, who you are, and where you belong to, sending another conflict message to this person telling him/her that no matter how much you are desperately in love, there will be a day you will be in love again and there is no turning back because whoever is going to show you strong love, will be able to give you the chance to send a threat showing pity for the person who did not show feelings in return and for the person being sad that you forgot them and found love again.

I do hope my reply has put a smile on your face

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Points: 1636
Reviews: 30

Tue Dec 06, 2011 8:18 am

Flyingchaos says...

Thank you very much

And u did bring a smile to my face!!!

- Those are old feelings bobbleing in my heart I just needed to get them out...
But trust me I'm so over the guy and I have had a few crushes since

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Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634

Thu Dec 08, 2011 7:23 pm

Deanie says...

Hi there!

I really liked your poem. I could just feel the loneliness oozing out of it. You made a coupe of mistakes which I am going to nitpick:

Flyingchaos wrote:A humanbeing well that's nothing new.

- two separate words, human being.

Flyingchaos wrote:I know I misunderstood and but at least I knew were I stod.

- stood

Flyingchaos wrote:Even without you I can breath.

- breathe

Flyingchaos wrote:I miss you though you were the one shadding me from the loneliness.

- shading.

I really liked your poem. It had a very nice gentle flow to it. The story is a bit sad, but you wrote it beautifully.

Deanie x

Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015

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Shades of loneliness

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