Young Writers Society

Undercover In High Society

I don’t recognize you at first.
You’ve done something different with your hair.
Sighing, I prepare for the worst,
Knowing I could never compare.

You’ve done something different with your hair.
I focus on that to calm down.
Strutting over, attempting some of flair,
Wonder what you think of this gown?

Sighing, I prepare for the worst,
Thinking I haven’t changed all that much.
God, I sound so rehearsed!
I liquefy at his slightest touch.

Knowing I could never compare
With the lady attached to his arm,
“I didn’t see you at first,” he declares.
Beaming, I blush at his charm.

I really like this (and definitely relate). My only problem with this is the fact that you repeat "You've done something different with your hair." It's not particularly impacting and doesn't really need to be repeated. Anyway, other than that I really liked this, very creative and relateable.
Keep Writing,
StoryWeaver

First of all, I dont like the repitition of the words:

amygabb wrote:You’ve done something different with your hair.

amygabb wrote:I prepare for the worst,

Second, I LOVE the line:

amygabb wrote:Knowing I could never compare

I think every girl can relate to this statement. How can we compare to the girl he chose over us?
Overall, It was a nice poem, not fantastic, but not boring either. Just the few minor changes of repitition, thats all I can say.

Well well well! What have we here? A lilibonelle? You are amazing! Those repetative lines are an absolute horror to get quite right. Yours aren't perfect, but they're quite fine and who am I to talk - I can't get through half of one of these devillishly tricky forms! I really can see that this must have been a fiendish struggle with the English language
The results are great!

Ha ha I get bad memories from this poem - you won my empathy 1000 times over! That internal wince at finding an acquintance, that flinch as you realise that you are the only person not wearing make up - perfectly embodied in a few lines.

The form added to the poem because it mimics that milling, mingling movement of a cultured crowd.

Well done!