Young Writers Society

So...I got bored on a car ride a few weeks ago and remembered a time from last summer... this was the result.

Days go speeding by.
A blur of sound,
And a flash of light.
Was it not just yesterday
That you and I were together?
I remember so clearly,
As clear as the sky that day,
Sitting beneath the shady oak tree,
In the hot July air.
Some of the others stared,
Even more began to question.
But what do we care?
We sat in our safe haven
Where secrets still stay.
Don't you remember?
All of the things we spoke about,
Just as always.
But did you feel the difference?
Don't you remember?
Asking about the purple sky,
Pondering the questions we held,
Laughing over the silliest of memories,
Crying over the sad ones,
Comforting each other.
So little time we shared,
Yet you know me better than anyone.
But what does it matter?
With you so far away,
You don't remember.
Do you?

The theme rocks. It's awesome, really now. Secondly, the language, the color, the questions all rock. I'm mostly not into these kind of topics but i dont know what kept me reading your poem. It's scripted awesomely as well , and I love the sweet and sour tone that changes ever so slightly, but it does, and that's awesome. The similes are also really nice, The way you assimilate things and then there's the best part, the way you hang in the back an ever so light image of autumn. All in all I've got no words to describe.
Sincerely,
Zaid.

chezka!

This is such a great poem! I love how you got the inspiration from the car ride and mixed it with the poem. You've got a very creative mind -

chezka199 wrote:Days go speeding by.
A blur of sound,
and a flash of light.

Very nicely worded.

In the poem you talk about all the good times you've spent together of whether he remembers them or not and the bitter uncertainties that you possess over the fact that he is somewhere distant, away from you and away from those memories.

Though, towards the middle, the poem was losing me. You kept mentioning only general things that were brief and the only real moment where you two have a specialness is under the 'oak tree'. After that, there is no special moment and it becomes less special, if you know what I mean. If you could have added more special moments that the two personae shared, it would make a bigger impact on the poem.

All in all, I like the idea behind this and I think this is a great piece. It's brilliant for its imagery and conception
Keep the ink flowing and I'm looking forward to reading more!

Murtuza

Hello!:) I really like you're poem! Like wow, I love the way you worded things and everything! The only things really that may need to be worked on would be capitalization in every line...I'm not sure if that is necessarily needed but it does make a poem look a bit neater. Other than that I believe everyone else covered it.. Great poem! I really enjoyed it!!