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Young Writers Society


My love is like/as a Punk



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Gender: Female
Points: 963
Reviews: 6
Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:12 pm
Sho says...



Love Like/As A Punk.
I’m an Addict for you, like Bad Religons.
Loving your Casualties.
Because you make me feel so Exploited.

You make me feel like a Misfit among the Rancid.
you make me want to Rise Against Social Distortion,
Even weep for the Dead Kennedy’s.
I want to perform Transplants,
so Runaway’s can feel loved again,
just like how I feel for you.
My Love is Like/As A Punk.

Become a Vandal,
Destroy a monument to make you Sublime.
Fly the Anti-black-flag.
Defeat all the worlds Amoeba’s for our Adolescent’s.
Even become an Agent for the Orange.

For us, Theres no such thing as Cheap Sex,
nor Sham 69’s.
No Minor threat’s against our Descendent’s, like London v.s. NYC.


We hold no angst, nor debates, like Sex pistols v.s. The Ramones.
I just need you and our Cretin Family.
Just us and our OI! OI! OI! Music.


Spoiler! :
It's a bunch of band names, not sure if any one would get it. :D
  





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153 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1532
Reviews: 153
Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:12 pm
AngelKnight900 says...



Lol, yah some of those band names did throw me off but it's still good. To get it more, I actually read in a slam poetic fashion and it actually comes out really good. What I can't say is that I like your ending because it comes off as being awkward and it could also confuse your listeners because they could mistake that you were going to keep going but you didn't. Usually the end is suppose to calm down a little bit and have that little moral or something but you missed that. Look over the ending. Good luck and keep writing.
True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate.
-Nicki Minaj
  





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6 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 650
Reviews: 6
Wed Dec 07, 2011 11:19 pm
slytherin7 says...



This was really good. I love how you used band names. I don't know most of them but I still like it. I think your only fault is the very last line. I understand it's australian, I think, and all but i think that bit should be fixed. Other than that I love it. Keep writing :)
  








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