Young Writers Society

I thought my house was made of bricks,
But instead it's made of glass,
It only took one stone to teach me,
That nothing good will last.

A tiny crack from tip of roof,
Soon spilt and crept down walls,
A single stone thrown hard enough,
Can make 'brick houses' fall.

Good work from you:)But friend,i still did't get the message that you try to show.Or maybe,i had a bad sense of feeling.Lol.Its seem that you try to say that,there is nothing good will last,but what is the relation between stone and glass?sorry,wish my post will never let you feel sick of me:)Anyway,I 'll try to understand it:)

Hi there!

So, first off I wanna say that I REALLY like this! It's a great idea to draw from and write about, and it kinda has the feel of a children's nursery rhyme. But the interesting thing about it is that it takes something very serious, like emotional stability (which is a surprisingly common problem among youth in modern society), turns it into something that kids can understand, and then teaches it to them almost subliminally. You did a great job there.

I have one nit-pick I want to point out.

A tiny crack from tip of roof,
Soon spilt and crept down walls,

I understand that you worded it exactly this way so you could save the meter, but there are ways to preserve the meter without leaving out the articles of the nouns. (Sorry, but I'm a bonafide grammar Nazi and these things really really bother me.) My suggestion would be to change it to something like this:

A tiny crack starts on the roof,
Creeps slowly down the walls

You don't have to change it, of course, but I would highly suggest it, because it makes for much smoother reading.

Anyways, aside from that 'lil tidbit, I really really loved this poem!! Keep up the good work.

~Molly

Oh, my... *raises hands* I'M YOUR FAN!

Lol, xD Hi again, Anna!

You're amazing! One of the best poets I've seen, seriously. Even though this is short, it's... just wow. I'm speechless. You know, you made it rhyme, you brought us something new, something entertaining and creative! And even though, it was a sad subject, I smiled, because the writing is just... PRICELESS!

Keep writing and posting!

~Solly<3

Thanks for the reviews guys

I was worried people wouldn't really get the metaphor so I'm relieved Molly got that it was about mental stability. I'm definitely going to make the changes you suggested- they were really helpful!

Don't worry Rysa93, I'm not sick of you yet!
The message was that even if you think you are strong and happy really only the smallest thing can make your whole life fall apart and make you depressed. Like someone thinking they're living in a stable, brick house, but when a single stone is thrown the house falls and they realise it was breakable all along. Sorry it was unclear, I'll try and clarify it a little... maybe another verse? I'm not sure yet.

Gee! Your comment totally made my day, thankyou so much! Lol XD

Anna!

Like Solly, I've become a fan too. This poem is exceptional, especially when you see it as a metaphor. It's such a simple stone-glass context and you've made it speak volumes. Short and punchy. You are definitely one to look out for. Great work

Thanks for sharing this great piece!

Murtuza