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Young Writers Society


To Be Cool.



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Mon May 02, 2011 9:53 pm
egunn1007 says...



You must dress this way to be cool.
You must have this much money to be cool.
You must have this cell phone to be cool.
You must say this to be cool.
You must do this to be cool.
You must like these people to be cool.
You must party to be cool.
You must date these people to be cool.
You must sneak out to be cool.
You must hate these people to be cool.
You must put theses people down to be cool.
You must feel this way to be cool.
You must eat nothing to be cool.
You must do thing drug to be cool.
You must smoke to be cool.
You must drink and drive to be cool.
You must die young to be cool.
  





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Mon May 02, 2011 10:13 pm
Soulkana says...



I really like this poem. Truly amazing. My one point is: you start out all the same. Maybe that's my opinion but you could word the beginnings different so you have the same meaning yet different?

Either way it shows that there are many "ways" to being "cool" some not so kind and some that reflect the bad side of society such as driving and drinking. it reflects how kids sometimes think its "cool" to do those things when in all honesty its not. It shows the stereotypes of being cool...yet there are ways to being cool in your own way.

I really liked it and I can't wait for you to write more so I can read. This started out as a really good poem and I liked how it flowed. Just try and change the beginning a bit. If you need help just send a PM or post on my wall and I'll do my best to get back to you. Good luck and keep up the good work...I hope you receive many helpful reviews. Happy Writing and best of wishes.
Soulkana<3
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.
  





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Mon May 02, 2011 10:32 pm
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AdoxagraphyAngelus says...



I loved this. It showed what it's really like today; it seems like people can't like different things to be cool. They all have to be alike. They all have to drink and smoke. There's no innocence to be cool.

Awesome poem.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
  





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Mon May 02, 2011 11:03 pm
GeeLyria says...



Hi there, egunn! This poem is totally COOL! XD You did a great job!

Just a thought.
egunn1007 wrote:You must say this to be cool.

That "this" I would write it in italics, letting know you're not talking about the poem. xD

egunn1007 wrote:You must die young to be cool.

Brilliant ending. xD

~Solvy <3
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."
  





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Wed May 04, 2011 2:21 am
qaralynn says...



helloo :)
This is a good write..It's true that people these days think they have to be like that to be 'cool'..

You must dress this way to be cool.
You must have this much money to be cool.
You must have this cell phone to be cool.
You must say this to be cool.
You must do this to be cool. Maybe if you change 'this' into 'that' it might sound better
You must like these people to be cool.
You must party to be cool.
You must date these people to be cool.
You must sneak out to be cool.
You must hate these people to be cool.
You must put theses people down to be cool. I think 'theses' should be 'these'
You must feel this way to be cool.
You must eat nothing to be cool.
You must do thing drug to be cool.
You must smoke to be cool.
You must drink and drive to be cool.
You must die young to be cool. Great line to end with!


Hopefully this helped a little :)
Nice write! I like it
-qaralynn-
"If they can't be with you at your worst, then they don't deserve to be with you at your best."
-Murtuza-

"Even though a ship won't sink at sea, it needs to be steered to get home."
  





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Sun Jan 01, 2012 1:00 am
hockeyfan87 says...



egunn1007 wrote:You must dress this way to be cool.
You must have this much money to be cool.
You must have this cell phone to be cool.
You must say this to be cool.
You must do this to be cool.
You must like these people to be cool.
You must party to be cool.
You must date these people to be cool.
You must sneak out to be cool.
You must hate these people to be cool.
You must put theses i think you meant these? people down to be cool.
You must feel this way to be cool.
You must eat nothing to be cool.
You must do thing drug to be cool.
You must smoke to be cool.
You must drink and drive to be cool.
You must die young to be cool.
great way to end with, hope I helped! I really liked this poem! It was so true but so simple at the same time(: Keep writing(:
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn
  





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Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:53 am
annaseale1998 says...



Great poem! I just have one quick suggestion.

You must do this to be cool.


I think you should take this line out because you're going in to detail about what you have to do 'to be cool' anyway, so this line doesn't really have any significance.

I agree with all the other reviews, so I don't have much else to say. Anyway, great work!
-Anna
"For whether a place is a hell or a heaven rests in yourself, and those who go with courage and an open mind may find themselves in Paradise." - Eva Ibbotson (Journey to the River Sea)
  








The poetry of the earth is never dead.
— John Keats