Young Writers Society

i wrote these quickly and just copy and pasted from my computer so don't worry about being harsh



Mist
The Mist clings to the mountains like a young child not wanting its mother to leave,
The Mist floats over the ocean like a drifting cloud, full of the dream of tomorrow.
We hate the mist. it represents what we are afraid of and all we hope for.
We want it to leave and then to stay,
And when it finally retreats we want to cry for it to come back.
The Mist




Spring Fling
You have black curly hair and blue eyes,
I have have brown hair and hazel eyes.
Together we have an energy between us no one can beat.
But to you the romance is nothing but a Spring Fling.
But to me its a love worth fighting for.
Not a spring fling to be tossed aside when summer comes.
I will not be thrown to the floor when another girl comes along.
can't you feel it when our lips touch?
But not to you.
I am a spring Fling



Wonder
Sometimes I wonder whether
Dreams are real or not.
Love is true.
Hearts can break.
people really do hate me.
Wondering alone is worse than wondering with an enemy.
Wonder takes flight when you least expect it.
And returns home when you desperately need it.
Sometimes I wonder.


Hope everyone luvs my poems. if you really like them. I'll write more.

Mist-
Is this supposed to mean a hope is also a fear at the same time? Like, you want it to happen, but, at the same time, you don't want to face it? That would be a wonderful thing to write a poem about if it isn't.
Spring Fling-
Is it like a crush for one and the love of the other's life? That's an interesting poem. I like unclear poems, because they make the reader think more. And see it their own way.
Wonder-
Is it like life seems like the dream and the dream seems like life? In life you find love, and you face hate in your dreams? Your heart mends itself everyday, only to be broken again by your dreams? Facing your dreams with anyone, even your enemy, is better than facing them alone? I'm probably way off, but, oh well.

Well Im not going to be harsh, becuase these are good so there'd be no point and it's not in my nature. Well I really loved the Wonder one the best! Then the Mist with all of the comparing and lastly the Spring Fling. I wasn't in love with it like Wonder, but it was super! Keep writing.

thank you all! your comments really helped:) and thanks for not being harsh:)

cfakc:

yeah the mist idea is right
spring fling: i wasnt really thinking what it was about it was somthing that happened to me personaly and i wrote it down.
Wonder: yeah thats it

cfakc wrote:Mist-
Is this supposed to mean a hope is also a fear at the same time? Like, you want it to happen, but, at the same time, you don't want to face it? That would be a wonderful thing to write a poem about if it isn't.
Spring Fling-
Is it like a crush for one and the love of the other's life? That's an interesting poem. I like unclear poems, because they make the reader think more. And see it their own way.
Wonder-
Is it like life seems like the dream and the dream seems like life? In life you find love, and you face hate in your dreams? Your heart mends itself everyday, only to be broken again by your dreams? Facing your dreams with anyone, even your enemy, is better than facing them alone? I'm probably way off, but, oh well.

obwriter97:
you really like wonder? Im so glad. my book i wrote was a bust so i decied to give this a try and wow i have to say I am good! (lol)

Hi, Ointe!

The Mist clings to the mountains like a young child not wanting its mother to leave,
The Mist floats over the ocean like a drifting cloud, full of the dream of tomorrow.
We hate the mist. it represents what we are afraid of and all we hope for.
We want it to leave and then to stay,
And when it finally retreats we want to cry for it to come back.
The Mist

First poem is lacking in emotion. What are you trying to tell us? I think this could have been expanded and detailed a little more clearly. Also, the whole repetition of 'mist' isn't really helping. This is short, yet I think you're trying to convey some sort of meaning here but I can't exactly grasp it with the words you've provided. Mainly it's the third line. How does it represent what we are afraid of and what we hope for? Today while I was driving, it was foggy/misty and I seriously was cursing at it to go away, but at the same time, the mystifying beauty of it is something that captures my interest. Is that what you were trying to go for? To fear/hate it but long for it too? If so, I think lengthening this piece and adding more imagery and emotion could bring this poem some justice.

You have black curly hair and blue eyes,
I have have brown hair and hazel eyes.
Together we have an energy between us no one can beat.
But to you the romance is nothing but a Spring Fling.
But to me its a love worth fighting for.
Not a spring fling to be tossed aside when summer comes.
I will not be thrown to the floor when another girl comes along.
can't you feel it when our lips touch?
But not to you.
I am a spring Fling

Alright for here I was a tad bit confused. The last line says, "I am a spring fling." But are you referring to the narrator?
But then again, you described the person speaking to have brown hair and hazel eyes. A spring fling cannot be a person so I was bit like, "eh?" Anyway, I know where you were going at here, just wish it was more concrete.

Sometimes I wonder whether
Dreams are real or not.
Love is true.
Hearts can break.
people really do hate me.
Wondering alone is worse than wondering with an enemy.
Wonder takes flight when you least expect it.
And returns home when you desperately need it.
Sometimes I wonder.

This is probably my favorite out of all of them. However the parts I bolded were a little weird. It was more like you were stating facts rather than 'wondering'. The italicized part, I think you should have put whether before it too or something. The poem felt a bit off-sync but then again, I'm not a poet so I really wouldn't know. Also, I know you were trying to put an ending to all these with the main theme of the poem, but it doesn't really work here. It's like you forced the words there and they don't connect with the poem.

Anyway, these were pretty nice poems. I liked the thoughts and the meaning you were trying to get across. My suggestion to you would be to try adding more descriptive imagery and pulling out some deeper emotions. Right now, these poems are nice but I'm sure you can tweak them out some more. Well, I hope I helped some.

~Shear

SPARKY! <333

Well, I think my favourite of the three was The Mist. I think it can represent a lot of things that we don't want, but at the same time we do want.

SparkOfDoubt wrote:And when it finally retreats we want to cry for it to come back.

- I think this should be we cry for it to come back. Because we would cry, and we wouldn't just want to cry without actually do it.

I hope this doesn't sound to harsh but I didn't really like Spring Fling or Wonder. I think Spring Fling has a bit of an awkward flow to it and isn't really poetic. Wonder is an okay poem, but it isn't really special. It isn't the kind of poem that will stay with me after I've read it.

Hope I wasn't too harsh...

Deanie x

I have a poem!

One lonely star in the night, gave every one such a fright. They all thought there were no more stars, until they got into their cars.

Short and sweet, I like it! I'm not much of a critic (i spelled it wrong ) but outa all 3 I liked the very last one, it was very thought provoking (I most likey spelled that wrong too ) . Over all I loved them and I wish I could write good poetry without rhyming every 2 lines .

Keep it up,
Speakerskat