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Young Writers Society


My word her word



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22 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 22
Mon Jun 13, 2005 5:55 pm
bulletproof says...



The black rose and I made up this fun little pieceof work.

Sorrow, depressed, lifeless, and fearful
Why?
The hatred...
Hatred?
Those memories...
Memories?
Past, horrible thoughts lingering
Untimely death
Broken, torture, sad
Faceless, blind, blocked, rage underneath meaningless skin

Cheesy, piercing heartaches
Headaches
Stupid fights and arguments
Pieces of painful, broken words
Our trust is gone forever

Why...
Because the shattered images
Within forgiveness
was ripped away from sweethearts

Emotionless souls are burning with desires
Lust
Lying believes
True factors
Terrible rumors
Unforgivable, exaggerating tales

Weeping blood
Unfixable scratches are cut in deeply
We are puzzled, dazed, unloved
Our imaginations vanished
Our destinies eternal hero has died
Our chances gone forever

Crying within dying darkness
Hating selfish, greedy
Black snakes
Constricting, poisoning our sight

Personal secrets were told outside
Thoughtlessly, painfully, maliciously

Both our hearts, punctured
Again the trust is forgotten
Love-hate relationship
Perennial, ferocious feelings
Adjusted to the malice

Hold onto peace within
Know the truth in myself
For I am a selfish, blind corpse
On interstate 95

Behind my skin there is no numbness
To ease this pain there isn’t
An antidote or cure
To numb this ache

I can't feel love
No sharing joy throughout family and friends
Backstabbing, heart-breaking, hair-raising climax
Written all in ink and permanent tears
Scratching thorns
Tearing screams
Shattering like glass within my dreams.
  





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22 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 890
Reviews: 22
Tue Jun 14, 2005 9:21 pm
kutestuff003 says...



Wow colton this is a side of you....I thought I would never see..this poem is really strong and meaningful....it shows how much this means to you. Keep it up.....see ya maybe sometime this summer
Support our troops..

Shoutouts:
Liz~ Your so funny
Greg~ Don't change..and I mean that
Alex~ Dude, your great...
Colton~Man you sure are nice see ya
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 1160
Fri Jun 17, 2005 11:54 pm
Elizabeth says...



Yay Colton, you posted it! I honestly like it, i had a lot of fun writing and re-writing and editing and re-editing it over and over again... I think i'll do it one more time just to scold myself incase I made any mistakes...

...

I saw nothing wrong with it. I'll send you some points colton, because well... Because I can.
  





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321 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 321
Sat Jun 18, 2005 3:48 am
Liz says...



Not bad, but I think you need to condense it a little, make it more succint. I also think the "Cheesy" in the second stanza didn't quite fit in, so you may want to re-think that.
purple sneakers
  








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