Young Writers Society

A Kneeling Wall

Semi-permeable and promising,
the view from inside is a bad habit.
An August Notion produced by centrifuge,
scattered about the necessary.
Graffiti is a protest to itself.

Arsenic for the wide-awake,
venting the anger of its solitude.
And all our minds settle for a beating,
against the wall of benefit.
Speciality for the girls and boys.

Paranoid, saitisfied, sitting on tangents,
humanity is not the dream for now.
To imtimidate simply by a placement,
is singular and all but grey.
Freed by another form of restraint.

This room replicated, tell me it shouldn't,
sanctuary of joy, division of ourselves.
Leave a trail of handprints and signatures,
recognize true simplicity here
Who loves lethargy?

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Eh.

Sounded like you swallowed a dictionary.

I love that taste.

It seems like you have a lot of talent, but yet you forced this, like you consciously decided to write a poem and consciously decided what it should be about and to write pretty language around that. If you didn't, then I'm sorry and I don't know what to say, but if you did, I think you need to go back to the basics; fuck yourself up and write poetry. I'm not saying to do drugs, I'm just saying to wait until some emotionally intense time, because in these crazy teen years, that happens constantly to us, and then let go of the situation and just let a poem write itself. That's how I produce my best poetry; just let myself be open for when it wants to be written, and if it doesn't want to be written for a long long time, fine, because forcing it won't solve the problem.

Not saying that all of this was forced, or that some of the language wasn't really splendid; "Graffiti is a protest to itself. " and "Sitting on tangents" were wonderful. The rest seemed forced.

The message wasn't really clear to me (although maybe I'm just asleep). I really like some of the phrases in here, but it seems like just random phrases pasted together. Wait until you have something to really write about, like PsyLynx said, then use that beautiful way of phrasing things to show us your emotion.

I guess it was a combination of being forced and writing itself. I don't know. But with this i tried to free myself from all emotion (something i don't normally do) and i kinda did what i meant to, though i guess no one can see that but me. Whatever. Thanks for the replies guys.

Oh and PsyLynx, "fuck yourself up and write poetry" is exactly what i normally try to do. I know you arent telling me to do drugs (i wont by the way) but alcohol suffices there.