Young Writers Society

To censor me
would be to mummify
the metaphors and similes
as they crawled to life on my tongue.

This soul shattering act occurs
Whenever I drink from the gene pool.
A greasy puddle with cigarette bud tadpoles
And smashed dreams lily pads.

It’s why I revert to a porcelain china doll
Forgotten in a dusty attic.
Cracked face,
Spider web veil,
Hiding my fragile state
From this decrepit doll house nightmare.

I hid away these pages
Yellowed and weathered
In my rib cage.
Protecting them from
The Poetic Gestapo.

And when I’m filled,
Like a novel.
I sneak away
to spill forth my
Blood and anger and tears,
Spreading it to others,
Like SARS.

This is when I can tell you that
Shame sits at our Christmas dinner table.
Right between Despair and Alcoholism.

This is when I can tell you that my Mona Lisa don't smile any more.
Because da Vinci is not the painter he once was.
Instead of throwing brush strokes,
he throws insults like spice into a pot,
And makes my Mona cry at every syllable.

Her strength has depleted.
She no longer can carry the weight like Atlas.
No longer reach into the depths of Hade’s lair,

She is sick my Mona.
Not with I bug I can see.
Not with anything I can cure.

So I carry the weight for her,
run to the lair in her place.
Smile for the audience so she can relax.

All the while I just want her to smile for me again.

So please mummify the metaphors and simile's as
they try oh so desperately to crawl to life on my tongue
But, please,
don't touch my unsmiling Mona Lisa masterpiece.

Alright, I love your poem overall! It's refreshing to read something this well written. I love your word choice, and for the most part, the flow is great as well. As you wrote at the end, the combining of the two poems is a little rough. When reading through, you can specifically tell the two poems apart. I think if you were to mix them up a bit more it would improve the overall flow, but you would have to swich things up a bit to make it work of course. Good Luck on that, and keep writing!

I really liked this piece, it flowed really well and had great imagery. The only thing I don't like is the title, I feel like you would get more readers if you had something else. Just because a title is a very important thing when writing poetry, it needs to pull the reader in, it kind of has to be like the introduction in a story when your trying to hook the reader. Ideas for new titles:
Lesson's of My Mona Lisa
or maybe
The Shattering of My Mona Lisa
Overall great job I really loved this!
Peace,
Snickerdooly