Young Writers Society

Kitty -- we've both written other poems (ehte's much better at them than I!). You can check our portfolios on our profiles if you're interested.

And also, >.<

.....I'm only reviewing this because y'all are my friends. I really, really hate zombies.

Nevertheless, this was very well-written. Your styles blend together so seamlessly that I couldn't tell it was a joint project at all. (Ehte had to tell me.... XP)

You have vivid imagery, too much gore, a nice, flowing style.....

T.T

I'm sorry, this is a horrible review. I can't say anything else about this. Y'all were awesome!! Really! Your style is great! Seamless!

I just don't like zombies............


-runs away screaming-


P.S. I deeply apologize that more than half of this review was about my hatred of zombies, but...... it's true.... and I still wanted to review.... because you guys really did do very, very well.....

Basically, Ranger (not as sure about Ehte, I'd have to read more) you excel at Poe pieces. As in, "this is so beautifully written that I can't get the absolutely horrid images OUT OF MY HEAD." >.<

I really do hope y'all place.

Hehehe... Fabulously creepy! Don't know what else to say. Keep writing and have fun!

LOVED this poem!!! The subject matter was very different, which I appreciated. Also, your title was good...it hooked me in as soon as I read it! Amazing job!
P.S.--The twist ending was great as well. Most people wouldn't want to be turned into a zombie, but after reading the rest of the poem, it makes sense.

Ode To Zombies
O zombies, dear zombies
I see you lurking in the alleys
You stammer as you talk
I wish you could moonwalk

Your awfully melting skin
Dripping down from your chin
Your mouth open wide
But I know you are beautiful inside
You stagger and moan
With an ominous tone
That I find simply chilling
But also, it's thrilling
When you call for my brains
I see it all as a game
You are chasing after me
While I play hide and seek
You slink around smelling the air
You hardly have any hair
People shouldn't try to find a cure
Because you won't ever become pure
You've lost your limbs, while half your waist
Is spilling out though tightly laced
Your spleen has been sewed into place
But meanwhile--splash! falls half your face
O zombies, dear zombies
Your green flesh and bony knees
The way you tear people apart
And utter cries as you eat their hearts
I cannot stand it anymore
The call of the dead I cannot ignore
Your rotting mouth leers as you mock and spurn me
I want to be you, so please--turn me!

ehte and Hawk, MMM here to review your piece. By the way Hawk, congrats on the promotion.

The first four lines and your last line summarize the poem. I thought it would be playful, so I read along. And then it lost itself in its own silliness. I admire humour and sarcasm. I adore wit. I love satire and self aware comedians. I do not enjoy pedantic elaboration on the same theme though.

So yes, this is an “ode” but, what is the point of the ode? To create an experience where elaborate and elaborate, talk about the nature of zombies? Or to lead to your last line? NO, rather it was an attempt to be cute. Poetry either has a charged sense in both being read and its own internal movement or it simply writes itself. It does not articulate dramatic episodes with popular culture creations.

But, that doesn't mean it can't entirely, you simply need to readjust how you're approaching this poem. First of all, your description and imagery is fine, but its' weighed down by an over-abundant sense of “I” and what this “I” is doing to move the poem along.

No. Focus instead on the zombies. Let us know that some speaker is delivering something on these zombies, not the speaker's own interactions. Don't tell. The speaker should always hesitate to tell. Also please avoid lines like “But meanwhile---splash!” because despite no matter how fun that was to write, it loses all seriousness there.

Ok, first of all...BLOODY BRILLIANT MATE! There is always new concepts and combinations to try, and I can't believe it never crossed my mind to do something like this, especially as a poem, which works better than a story any day for obvious reasons (Zombie stories have been done to death) However, captivated by the awesomeness though I am, I do have just two minor peevs, both are just my personal opinion, and in no way am I trying to bring down the quality of this masterpiece. One, I have never been a fan of using words like: Splash, and Boom, the other is when you say
"You will never become pure" When I read that I thought as a Rhyme it might work better if you said "You will never BE pure" Just a little thing, and it's just my take on it. Great job