Young Writers Society

People! People! on the wall,
Let us all, here, gather for,
Things all known yet never tried,
Things--to which we must oblige

We all lament, Why O why!
Our Eden turned to hell. Sigh
With so many ready to change
All's messed up, nothing has changed

Have you ever thought this way?
Do we really mean what we say?
Actions speak louder than words
Let us try because that works

Should we begin from corruption?
Or the epic inflation?
Illiteracy? Poverty?
Why not with ourselves? You and Me?

Yes, you, yourself and yours
That's what matters the most
Correct yourself and those you know
And see how quickly, you'll gain control

So take control of your 'within'
Strive with 'yourself' and begin
Clean your heart off lust and greed
Then wipe off despair and grief

Scrub off all sorts of hatred,
Shine it with honesty instead,
Pump in it then modesty
Fill it now with sincerity

Charity begins at home
That since childhood we have known
So soak your heart in mercy
Make it patient, brave and free

Sow the seeds of hope and faith
Let's not forget love in haste,
Such a heart would yield in a man /Pure will be the image of man)
Who'd keep his words;he'll act on his plans/When on his word he firmly stands

Welcome to YWS! I do believe I am your reviewer this fine evening, as long as nobody steals my 50% bonus!

Anyway, onto the review.
1. I do believe this is rhyming couplets yes? Some of the words didn't rhyme semi rhymes are ok, but some of them were'nt those either:

Pump in it then modesty
Fill it now with sincerity

2. It seemed to stroll a tad off topic, it was very hard to follow.
3.

of man)

Bracket?
4.

Such a heart would yield in a man /Pure will be the image of man)
Who'd keep his words;he'll act on his plans/When on his word he firmly stands

Slashes?

Overall, this was quite good, very creative, a nice bit of poetry. Well done!

Happy Writings! DNX :J

Yup, thats a poem alright.
The start sounds lyrical
Very dramatic
I can't get past the topic though.

To Begin with, I say that Your "Begin" sounds like a journey towards purification, a cleansing of he soul; souls that have been long sunk in a deep pitch-black whole.
I got the gist of this marvellous poem, I am not going to throw the light on the syle and the techniques used in this piece, simply because I was overtaken by the content.

I see a didactic, creative work of art, a moral poem, which is to me, a way towards bliss.
Your poem begins with a melancholic tone, which pictures the sad reality of the world, a desperate and grim reality that you see in an almost lost society. the starting of the poem takes me back to the era of he aftermath of world wars, where the modern school of thought was the stream of the day; those who were weeping over the lost of the soul and the decay of western civilisation . An era when poets and novelists felt the impossibility of change; T.S Eliot's, THE WASTE LAND would best describes that school of thought.

But then, he tone swiftly altered to a call for change, a belief in going back to order, unlike many thinkers in the modern school of thought who saw that chaos was the trend of the day and it would be impossible to restore order. Here lies the difference, here I see your footprint.

Alteration from a decayed society to a better world starts from the inside as you mentioned, change shall emenates from within.
This is , to me, the main argument you stick to in this beautifully written poem, the idea that changing the world is contingent upon changing the inside of the human being.That is, lifting the soul up high above the mud.
Since human nature is the same everywhere, I believe that this is a universal truth.

Listing all the flaws and the way to get over them through the magic trick of control is in itself a great way to the ultimate goal for a better world.this part of the poem, reminds me of Plato's "Republic " and his perfect ideal world where wise people should take over. The use of he mind instead of treading upon the footsteps of desire and uncontrolled feelings seems to be the theme of the rest of he poem.

The process of change takes a courageous heart to go through it, all the good aspects of human life we come across while reading these verses such us; sincerity, modesty; bravery, charity etc.. takes both time and strenght.
Hermassi

I am glad you understood the main idea behind this. The style and form, I know is not at all perfect. I need to learn that. But yes, it's delighting to know that, it wasn't as much messed up as to deter what was meant to convey. Thank you for the lovely review.

Hi Bint!

This poem really sets the mood for change and keeps the ball rolling from the very first stanza. Influential and encouraging as it is, it also delves into the many truths that portray man's true and sometimes neglectful nature of his surroundings.
A piece to be read and appreciated. Change doesn't start just by saying that it should. Real action and the 'Do' attitude is what makes for a formidable and good society.

I greatly enjoyed the piece. Keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza