Young Writers Society

If...

If... I'm an emotional mess or emotionless, who really cares? Should it really matter? Does it change the way you think of me?

If... I'm dark and depressed, or unsocial and cold, or moody and gloomy , does it even makes a difference?

If... I break down and cry at every little thing, if life's too overwhelming for me, if I can't cope with anything, so what?

If... I'm selfish and greedy, and helpless and needy, does that make me evil?

If... I'm misunderstood and misunderstand, if I'm lost and I don't even know who I am, can you really say you know me?

If... I'm distraught and corrupted, and lonely and angry, what are you going to do about it?

It's all a part of who I am, and i hate myself for it. I don't need you to tell me, to help me, to change me, to pity me, to dispise me. I don't need you to imprison me or hurt me, to look down on me or loath me. I don't need you to laugh at me or try to know me. No one understands me, not even me, so don't think you can even begin to. I don't need you and your false hopes and fragile dreams.

I don't need you.

I'm better off alone.

Both of us will just get hurt if you come too close.

So stay away.

It's fine this way.

Nothing has to change.

This poem obviously means something to you, I can see that very well in the way you're writing it. It's in a rather emotional style which I'm not particularly fond of as it often entails too much detail, although you've handled it fairly well, only slightly overstepping the line in certain places.

I don't really relate to this poem as the questions it asks aren't the kind I usually enjoy, they're more social than philosophical, but again, in the context of social issues it inspires some thought.

I also like how it rhymes but not too much, I've never been a fan of too much rhyme in a poem.

However, my dislikes involve the fact that towards the end you seem to be accusing the reader. Again, this poem is emotional, but to direct the emotion and 'blame' on to the reader by using a first person perspective and asking a bunch of uncomfortable rhetorical questions and the use of 'you' really does make me feel like I did something wrong. That's a good thing, I've connected with the poem. But I don't like the accusing nature, personally.

One final thing is that I noticed only a few slight grammatical errors, nothing to worry about, nothing a quick proof-read won't fix.~JCK

Nice job. I've battled with depression, still am, and this really captures the feeling well. I liked your sort of...random rhyme scheme, with some of the rhymes in the lines. The title drew me in, too. I think I've thought about making a poem with this title. Of course, I won't now, since you already have, but I like this. If there's anything I have to complain about, it's that some of the lines were a little long for a poem. Maybe try breaking it up a bit. Anyway, good job and keep writing. You're good.