Young Writers Society

The King's Fear
All ears are poised to heed him, the one who bears the crown,
Whose duty is to country, and life is honorbound,
Who can’t command himself, yet who command was thrust upon,
Whose voice represents a nation, but can’t utter a simple song,

His lips begin to part, but fear again prevails;
Hesitation steals the moment, his courage begins to fail.
But how does one summon courage, find the light in endless dark?
When one's words have fled the body, and it comes their time to talk,

The man looks deep inside him, draws out the power of his class.
He conquers trepidation, so his terror begins to pass.

His lips again start parting, words flow plenty and quick;
“In this grave hour...”
Long live King George the sixth.

Remarkable. Short but sweet. I like it. Keep writing!

I'll go through this mostly for nitpicks, I do believe.

First of all, where you said "who's", you meant "whose". (None of the possessive pronouns except for "one's" have apostrophes.) In that same line, you might have meant "and whose life" or just "and life" - in any case, that S has no reason to be there. Seriously. In the fourth line, again, "whose", not "whos". Also, this entire stanza felt like a big elongated sentence - perhaps if you chopped it up a bit? You could end the second line at honorbound and continue as "He can't command himself, yet his command was thrust upon" - well, it doesn't quite make sense, but you get the idea? In the last line "but he can't utter" would make the sentence a bit better, p'raps. (And poetry doesn't absolutely need to make sense, just sayin'.)

In the second stanza. Semicolon after "prevails", since I don't think you want to send that sentence yet. The same after "moment". Commas don't join two independent clauses (subject-verb at their simplest) without a conjunction in-between. The "doth" in the third line sounds like you just decided to insert it in like "no problem! Let's put some Elizabethan in here!" and it ends up sounding like someone who reads it has a speech impediment. (I'm aware of the speech impediment in the actual movie, but a different kind of speech impediment.) Also, after "courage" there shouldn't be a question mark. That punctuation should wait until after "dark". In the fourth line, the word should be "one's" (again, the only possessive pronoun with an apostrophe) and "It" should not be capitalised, for the sake of grammatical purposes. Please end the stanza with a full stop if you're not actually going to lead it into the next stanza in a sensible way. Please.

Third stanza - semicolon after "class", if you're going to write it that way. Also, the second line ought to be capitalised. ^^

Last few lines- (fourth stanza?) - Full stop or semicolon after "quick" to signify the end of that independent idea. No space after the beginning quotation mark. I like the end.

Overall, the words are good and the message is good. You're clear about what you're trying to say, and you know what you want to tell the reader, but my nitpicks are just what I pulled out. If I looked at this again with clearer eyes, doubtless I would see more once it was edited, if it is indeed edited.

Simple and elegant.
I love the way the poem progresses and the fact that it stays on course. It's very easy to stray on a subject such as this one and most poets needlessly try to put in exuberant details, which needn't be there in the first place.
I won't go into the tiny, minute details since that has already been done.
All in all, a great read.
Keep Writing.