I ripped up all your photos,
Tried to erase you.
I don't want you to exist,
And I want not to need you.
But I came across them later,
In a plastic Waitrose bag
Double knotted - I untied it,
Ran the pieces of photos through my hands.
Ran my fingers over you eyes,
Your hair,
Your nose, so much like mine.
Pieces of a dream, crumpled in that plastic bag.
That an almost adult should lament
Her father in such a way,
To wish he were dead,
To try and block him from her mind.
And yet, when he is rarely there,
To desperately just want him to stay.
To hold the little girl within,
Like he should have when she was.