The girl in the mirror

She stands in front of the mirror
She is naked
She is scared
She is self-conscious
She is sick

She sees flabby arms, others see figures resembling the width of a twig.
She sees chunky hips, others see bones sticking out of her body, internally piercing her flesh.
She sees large legs, others see skin and bones, amazed that there is any muscle left enabling her to walk.
She sees a round tummy, others see a belly needing nourishment

She is a girl with a distorted image
She is a girl who needs help
She is a girl who feels forsaken
She is a girl who is desperate for care

Others see the girl for who she truly is
Others see the girls for what she really looks like
Others see the desperation in her eyes
Why does it take such drastic measure for the others to eventually give her help?

Wow, this is really good! Didn't see any immediate spelling/grammar errors, so well done!

I think the repetition you've used it really interesting - it gives it a rythmn that really adds to the effect of the poem.

I like the second verse, where you've compared the views of the girl and her peers, but I do think it changes the rythmn a little, having sentences so long in the midst of lots of short sentences. Was that purposeful? In my opinion, it doesn't work, but I'm no poet. I just saw the title and thought it was interesting!

On that note, choosing a title is very important - it's the first thing a reader sees and if it doesn't grab them.....well...and I think your title perrfectly sums up the poem. Before reading it, your title was such an enigma, i just had to read it!

Overall, I love it and can't wait to see your other work!

Hey!
This topic is the kind that is actually very close to home with me.


Firstly, I love the fact that you never actually mention the topic at all and yet I could tell straight away what you were talking about. Thus the title really works. This kind of issue is a very sensitive thing for many people and I think that you embrace this well.

And this was actually the kind of thing that'd look excellent in a child-line advert or something, so very well done

I

thanks to all the reviewers Really appreciate your reviews!! To hazellgreene: To be honest I didn't intend on writing it in that style, just kind of went with it What I love about writing is that there are no boundaries. I know there are people who say that certain poems need to be written a certain way but by just going with it I figure that no matter what the sentence structure is like, it's done that way for a reason. The slightly "messy" and "abnormal" structure of the poem could emphasize the nature of "the girl in the mirror" haha! I only thought of it that way after your review so thanks! To the second reviewer, I think this topic is close to home for most of us and expressing the pain it's brought is a really good way to deal with it so if you haven't, don't be too scared to do so xxx

This was really powerful, and emotional. Two nitpicks;

Where she sees chunky hips, others see bones sticking out of her body, internally piercing her flesh.
Where she sees large legs, others see sticks, amazed that there is any muscle left enabling her to walk.

I suggest using a different word to 'sticks' in the second line, just so that you don't repeat the same sound. Otherwise, it gets a little monotonous. Second thing, the last line should have a question mark I think - it's proper punctuation and it would improve the poignancy of the final remark.
Aside from that, it's good, so well done.

Thanks so much for the help Took your advice and will have to wait and see now what others think xxx

This is good, however if I may make a suggestion:

The second stanza where you write "where she is..." "where she is..." "where she is..." I think is a little bit much, u know what I'm saying? If you write "she is..." "she is..." "she is..." that will be more to the point.

I love the ending line, well written

You've done it again Desire. Another very symbolic, open poem. You have a very individual and articulate passion for the words you actually use. To know someone 2 years older than I am can produce this is awesome. You are the best role model ever. However, there is a line which I don't find necessary- it's the one that reads "she is a girl who feels alone". Perhaps you could improve this line a little? I don't know, I think alone is too simple for you to write. Either way you have a skill- a very goo one at that. Keep up the good work sista!

At first I wasn't sure where you were going with the writing but then I understood the story unfolding. This has so
much truth and brings a revelation of human perception. Many girls suffer from this disease. They see themselves as
fat and ugly. But we all have insecurities and judge ourselves to standards that do not exist. How come in a world full
of beautiful people so many see ugly in the mirror? You have answered that question. You have an overall good progression
without being too repetitive. I like the style and the way you choose to present the information so the reader has to think more as they read along. Some people try to avoid mirrors today because they can't confront who they really are. Great job!

This is a very amazing poem but i would change the way you layer it.

she stands in front of the mirror
She is naked
She is scared
She is self-conscious
She is sick

She sees flabby arms others see,
figures resembling the width of a twig.
She sees chunky hips others see,
bones sticking out of her body,
internally piercing her flesh.
She sees large legs others see,skin and bones,
amazed that there is any muscle left enabling her to walk.
She sees a round tummy,
others see a belly needing nourishment

She is a girl with a distorted image
She is a girl who needs help
She is a girl who feels forsaken
She is a girl who is desperate for care

Others see the girl for who she truly is
Others see the girls for what she really looks like
Others see the desperation in her eyes
Why does it take such drastic measure,
for the others to eventually give her help?

Other then that I really like it.

I saw nothing wrong at all with the poem and honestly, I can say that I feel the same. That I've been there (am there) and wondering why it takes [b]so[b] much for someone to notice that you need help, affection, attention.
That for some reason we see something wrong in the mirror because we've been told so many flaws before. That most the time don't even connect with the way we put ourselves now.
Anyway, I know where you are and I really, really liked your poem because it was personal and many people can connect to it.
Thank you for this poem because it speaks out a lot
-Hayley