Our Love

Whoever the guy is you wrote this for...I think you should save it for him. This poem was full of cliches that lacked imagery and for some reason, I get fidgety when it comes to cliche love poems so if I seem a little edgy that's why.

It seemed like something you would recite at a wedding ceremony or something. Gosh...I guess I can't find anything wrong it...that's just me being mean. Ignore me--you poem's good.

Erm...dare I say greeting card style?
Like Chevy said, cliche. Nice rhyming though, very natural I thought. But why the red? It takes the reader's attention away from the poem a little and I think it's unnecessary

I didn't think it was good at all...it was pure cliche, and not done excellently. It rhymed, had meter that was not flawed, I'll give you that...but that's not poetry, erm, no. It's just...man, I'm mean, but yeah, it was boring. "I love you, I love you, I love you," blah blah blah blah blah! PUKE! I want description and something that captures my attention.

I have to agree with everyone else here, though I have to say that PsyLynx could have said things in a much less hostile manner.

The person you wrote this for may think more of it than we do, just because he would probably have more background to bring to this poem. But you don't give us much for our minds to work with. It's mostly cliched phrases without imagery or anything to hold our attention. And honestly, I think that if you took a little more time and tried to bring both emotion and image into this, the guy you wrote it for would appreciate it more too.

Oh. My. God.
NO!
And the red made my eyes go all funny. Baaaad choice.
I agree with matt bellamy...Hallmark here you come!!

Really i agree with everybody else, it sounds like somebody's wedding vows (although personally i'd have trouble saything that in front of so many people) it may have more meaning for you and for who ever you wrote it for and it must be hard to have something you put so much heart into slammed so much.....actually it reminds me of a song a guy wrote for me like three years ago.....not into that stuff at all, you need something to attract the readers attention and i think the red was a bad idea.

*whimpers*

No red...

maybe i'm just being difficult but i actually liked it. and the last stanza gave me the impression that the two people were doin.. things together
and thats what they were saying to each other. saying? erm, saying without saying anything if you get what i mean.
maybe not.
anyway. thats all really.
i liked the red as well, it made me pay attention and it seemed to match the feel of the poem.
if i'm completely off my nut, just say something.

well, thats all

have a nice day
bluecows