My death wish

If I died tommorrow,
I want flowers on my grave,
small white ones,
that all look the same.

I don't want a church service,
they always made me sad,
but I want you to cry,
so I am not forgotten.

If I am killed tomorrow,
know that I screamed,
I screamed so hard,
trying to escape.

Know that I ran,
as fast as I could,
ran through the fields,
but it wasn't fast enough.

Know that I am here,
hiding in your shadow,
and I always watch you,
from the edge of my heaven.

Do not worship the dead,
you must embrace the living,
and not let them go forgotten,
because of my mistake.

I was just 14,
I had no-life,
so do not weep,
because I have not truly lost.

Four years from now,
forget-me-nots will be on my grave,
they are small and white,
and all look the same.

Hey retrodisco!

First of all, the storyline of this poem seems a little confused. In the first two stanzas, he seems to be alive and only contemplating his death, which happens to be tomorrow. Then, in the third and fourth stanzas, he seems to be predicting a murder on him tomorrow. Then, in the fifth stanza, he seems to be dead. Then in the sixth stanza, he seems to be preaching just normal. Then the second to last line, he is dead. Then he gets the forget-me-nots on his grave. So, while I absolutely love the last stanza and how it combines with the first stanza, the whole timeline seems really confused! So tweak it and make it make sense.

Hello there.
Yikes, I thought this poem was bit disturbing . But it was totally genius.Very creative I think. There was just a little lack of emotion in some parts and as it went towards the end, you kind of lost the 'mojo', but that is what I think though.
But cool idea.
Keep it up.

Ok, retrodisco666! I can sense a slight influence from the Victorian Era. Your poem is imbued with deep meaning and symbolism that underlies the whole poem, which is what I like about it. I enjoyed the first and last stanzas; the conception of time and nature is brilliant.
My favourite stanza is the seventh one. The theme of it, I would say is: dying young isn’t a horrible thing because we evaded all the pains of latter years.


This is exceptional; it reigns true. Your philosophy on death and how we should react to it is great. The idea is rife; however, you made it work well. It just you don’t see it expressed that often. It is sheer wisdon.

Do not worship the dead,
you must embrace the living,

I think this was a well written poem. It reminds me of To an athlete dying young, by A.E Housan and Ah, digging on my grave?, by Thomas Hardy.

This poem was slightly confusing for me also, although I believe I got the gist of what you were saying. It has a powerful message behind it if you read it a few times. I do like the way your last stanza led back up to your first one, with the reference to the flowers. Keep it up!

ashlyn

I don't think this poem is confusing. It was really sad and I loved how you put your murder into it and gave me a picture of your death. I really like it. Love you!

This poem is getting published

Hey retrodisco666!

I seem to have developed a habit of reviewing your poems. It might be good but it might be bad (joking). It was beautiful. i really did love it. Tears were held back at the last stanza. It was fantastic! One of the few poems that I actually love. It flowed really well and was written to perfection! Since I had been reading rhythmic poems before I had read this, I felt that this need to rhyme but I was wrong. This truly is an amazing piece! Thank you for this wonderful opportunity!

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)