I have to say, this is a very beautiful poem. The emotion that goes with it is almost like heartache. It's very different from the usual view of the stars. I loved it.
It was your world, Baby, and I just slipped in it.
This poem was both sad and amusing in its own special way. I'm afraid it doesn't evoke much sympathy in me, as I love the stars and am a total romantic; but you expressed it very well and somewhat satirically. It reminded me of that Lewis Carroll poem about the ocean. I could kick myself because I don't remember its name, but in it he sets forth this long spiel of complaining about the sea, and I found it both quirky and somewhat annoying, as was your poem. One little nitpick: there probably shouldn't be a comma after the word "romantics." Other than that, bravo!
You must be swift as the coursing river, With all the force of a great typhoon, With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
hey there, so what you're saying with this is very interesting; the title itself is enough to make you stop and think. but while you excel in originality you lack in format (that is, if you were going for meter, which it looked like you did). at first you start off with 6 syllable and 7 syllable lines, or A-B-A-B. but then you've got 6, 7, 8 and 9 in the next stanza, B-A-C-D . then D-A-A-B, then A-A-B-E. so you see it doesnt really match up. correct me if i'm wrong but judging on the appearance of this poem i imagine you were going for rythm, and if so check the amount of syllables in each line. other than that, i thought it was great, definatley caught my attention and stuck out in my mind, made me think..
what's great about being a teenager is that you can change yourself as much as you like and nobody will say anything because they'll equate it to being a part of growing up
I liked this poem. It brought a new idea of poem to YWS. As mentioned by many reviewers, you drifted away from the typical concept of stars being soft, comforting and gentle things and turned them into harsher beings which is quite original. Excellent idea and well written. It was written in perfect length and flowed very well. Keep up the excellent work!
MWAHAHAHA! -RepublicOfCoter(ROC)
"As I lay down on my bed, I look up at the sky, the stars and the moon, and I think to myself: Where the hell is the ceiling?" Unknown
"The fun is in the chase, never in the capture" Agatha Christie
Firstly, I'd just like to say that I really liked this poem, and you did a very nice job on it. Also, I appreciate how it was sort of twisted and different from what you would expect people to write about stars. You did an amazing job with details, too.
A delicate word to assure the heart, yet 'forever' means nothing. For; it ended at the start<3
This is really good! Its very original. As many people have said, its not a way of looking at the stars that you see very often. The fourth stanza is probably my personal favorite, it flows really well, and I kinda agree with it. Keep up the good work!
