This House is NOT a Home

This house is NOT a home
inward struggles
plague every room
with tragedies of there own
some are shared
but too many left unknown


An angry father
that can’t understand
why things are as they are
he lashes out
with fists of rage
striking the hearts
of all that resin
in this house that is not a home


A heart broken women
taking the beatings of a man
her children hate her
that’s what she thinks
as she sits in her room
drinking away the pain
hiding her bruises
hiding her shame
she’s screaming and yelling
and going insane
in this house that is not a home


A little girl
only eleven
hears there fighting
and has been dragged in the middle
one too many times
she hides behind her smile
tears she wont let fall
sadness she will let no one see
she hates her step father
for hitting her mother
in this house that is not a home


A teenage boy
confused about life
quick tempered
and hung up on pride
smoking and getting high
thinking its cool
never wondering why
he’s failing in school
and getting into fights
back talking his mother
just trying to get by
in this house that is not a home


A sixteen year old daughter
not talking to her father
hating her step mother
for the abuse when she was younger
she sits up at night
cutting away
the emotional pain
writing away
what is eating her inside
haunted at night
by hallucinations
causes by sleepless nights
lets no one see her pain
in this house that is not a home


My father, my step mother
my step sister, my step brother
and me
all lock inside
battling demons alone
either oblivious
or choosing not to see
the suffering of the others
in this house that is not a home

Hey. I thought that this was great. It was well written, meaningful, and powerful. It flowed well, and the rhyming seemed natural and smooth. I thought it was really good, especially changing between perspectives. The thing I have a problem with is the last stanza. It was good that it changed how it was structured, but it seemed very rough and choppy, and that it didn't flow well. It is good, but you need to think about how it is structured. Other than that, it is really good.

Hi,

This is a powerful piece and the rhyme works well. I love how you go through all the different characters.

There are some minor mistakes with spelling and punctuation. If you want help on these feel free to p.m me and I can drop you a few lines.

"Resin" should be "Reside."

I love "writing away...hallucinations." The imagery works very well.

Hope this helps.

Jas

Hey SilentRain!

I quite enjoyed this poem. The imagery you use is fantastic! Full of meaning and emotions. Descriptions were well thought and written with good use of words. I liked the parts that rhymed; I felt that they worked well with the poem. One minor bit of criticism I have to offer is that I felt that it didn't flow well without the use of grammar. It does help to use it, especially in your case.

Fantastic work!

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)

Hello!(:

Firstly, I'd just like to say congratulations for writing such a moving piece. I completely got the blunt message conveyed throughout your words. And I understand how it feels to be the eldest daughter with the raging father. As soon as I saw this title, I clicked. Great job.

This is moving, beyond the words moving. It is truly pain filled and raw, sort of like a reading a girls sad story, and feeling her pain.

I say this because that's what I felt while reading this. I've never been abused or anything close too it but I felt a emotion that made me think of something, I'd say close too the feeling of your writing.

wow. this was really intense. very emotional, and can appeal to all types of people. theres soooo much in this. there was a few spelling errors and the sentences didn't flow very well, but i thought even though there wasn't really a rhythm it was very personal and perfect. no poem is perfect, and the fact that yours doesnt have a rhythm makes it even closer to that so-called perfection. i love the line 'in this house that is not a home'. it reveals your pain and desperation to escape. i think a lot of people can connect with this. you should write more poems like this piece. it was really enjoyable and the passion in it was evident.