Young Writers Society

You can’t love me.
What I am
Who I was
Fishnet tights, Prada on concrete and lying broken
My dreams are broken
Yours are still alive
Let them live and leave
Leave me in my hole
For once I mean this
It’s escaped my lips a thousand times
“ I do love you dear, take care”

I don't know... I like your other poem better. This doesn't really have much vivid imagery. It seems more of "you can't love me, so bye!" sort of poem. To make it seem better, try to put a teeny bit more description into why this poem came out of you in the first place.

I don't know, I can't really say I fully understood it. I suppose I'm going through a brain fart.

Ok she is a prostitute.

I wouldn't have known that if you hadn't said so. It's nice to have a hidden meaning but maybe you could give the reader a few more hints to help them get it?

And what's a brain fart?

A brain fart is a moment when you don't understand or remember something that is obvious and easy and you would have at any other given time. It's like your brain just shut down for a moment.

And I really wouldn't have known she was a prostitute had you not said it. Now it's a bit clearer.

I knew what she was when I saw the fishnet tights. In my mind I have the stereotypical image of prostitutes wearing fishnet ho's.

That's exactly why I chose that imagery. I also used "Prada on concrete" because it's the comparison of something lovely and something urbanised and grimy.



Is that pretentious?