Fire

This is just an idea i had, and will probably change it a lot. Tell me what you think, so I know how to shape it.

We say fire is the devil's work,
but why?
Fire gives us warmth and comfort.
It gives us peace and light.
It keeps others away,
and we shelter around it's glow.

But still we say we'll burn in hell,
or it hurts like a burning flame,
but is it not only what we say it to be?

Fire is even the life in the world,
when the world burns,
it grows anew.
And stronger grows that which has dies,
for it know what to expect.

Whoa, I think the idea of this is really cool! BUT I think you didn't do enough to capture it. Try finding ways to really bring this to life, to make this stand out and have that "wow" factor. My advice for this is to just really give it depth. Fiddle with it, toy with some words and give it dimension, and I think this could be really awesome.

Okay, I like your ideas, but this still needs a bunch of work.
Firstly, the rhythm is out of whack. The words don't flow the way they should. Every poem that you write, read aloud. This is the best way to tell if the rhythm works or not.
Next, the your wording on the last stanza. My guess is that you meant "that which has died," and not "that which has dies." Also, you need an s at the end of "know." Those were the biggest grammar problems that I could see.

You've got a great idea here. You just need to expand and work on the rhythm.

I'd like to read more of your poetry!

~Reddy

As the other two reviews have said, I think this is a bloody brilliant idea. I think it needs to be expanded on in order to be a great piece. Consider...

We say fire is the devil's work,
but why?
Fire gives us warmth, comfort.
peace and light.
we shelter around it's glow.

But still we say we'll burn in hell,
or it hurts like a burning flame,
but is it not only what we say it to be?
(two more lines needed)

Fire, the life of the world,
when (civilization?) burns
it grows anew.
And stronger grows that which dies
for it knows what to expect.

i loves it

You have an interesting concept and it is true. We do shelter around fire and it is inside all of us. So why do we think it is evil? Because we both love and FEAR it too. In human nature it is gut instinct to be frightend of what we don't understand. Still, back to topic, I think the above comments are true, you need more, but DON'T overdo it. That is the thing to do.

I agree with everything said above. Maybe you could use a story/plotline to communicate things, rather than just stating them? Right now it has the feel of an essay, an article or an argument. Add imagery, metaphors, maybe a character or speaker, and I think it would come across as much more creative.

Good luck!
Sophie

Hey kingolions!

So! You're writing about fire... neat! There's lots of imagery that you can use and you can really make this poem awesome.

My first suggestion is to kill the introduction bit... it seems too much like essay writing! You don't have to write a thesis statement for poetry... really! So instead you can just dive down into the meaty parts of the poem. It'll be much better that way... I think.

My next suggestion is to take only one image of fire and to run with it. I don't know... lately, I've been studying the desert in the movie Lawrence of Arabia. Just with one little thing, I've been looking at all the ways it is nuanced. It's fascinating! But you can take one particular image of fire and then vividly describe both the warmth and the terror it can inflict. It can be great.

I quite enjoyed this as I totally understand what you talking about. Despite that, I feel that I have to agree with the points brought by StoryWeaver13. They main topic was COOL! but the explanation was a bit off. I tried to come up of a way to further better this piece but it ended up giving me a headache. So, all I suggest, is to take all the advice other reviewers have posted and follow them. This has the potential; let it fly and become magnificent!

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter

What a great concept for a poem - fire! The actual poem itself I feel could have a better flow, and make it a bit more connected to our inner souls, I think maybe that would do the trick. Otherwise, I really like and agree what you've said about fire. We do see it as something that takes away life and its often seen negatively. I like how you've shown us the positive side of it, that fire is life-giving, really liked how you said that. Your whole explanation of what fire was, was true! Glad to see someone is seeing it in a different light! But again, it could be more of a poem...
Good work!

Hey Kingolions, I really enjoyed this poem. I agree with redleaf, the concept and content is great! The only thing you might need to work on is the sequence so it can flow a bit better. Fire is a powerful topic to pick because of its heat, energy ect. Well done to you for turning a very broad into a great topic.
"Fire is even the life in the world, when the world burns,"- I would possibly like to see some expanding or more emphasis on this point just to bring out the different concepts of fire.
Otherwise thanx for a great poem,
watchmeburn