Small, Gray Cloud

Small, gray cloud
innocent, slow.
It sits and looks
a sullen thing
pitiful and sad.
All alone, no friends.
A small, gray cloud.

icanbefixed wrote:Small, gray cloud
Innocent, lethargic. Depending on your reader you might want to use an easier word. Sluggish perhaps.

When I read this I am not sure who your reader is supposed to be. A child? A teenager? An old man? Make sure you have a reader in mind when you write.
hmmmmm is this poem just supposed to describe the cloud or does it have a deeper meaning?
I love this poem, but I am not sure about what made you write it. Hope I helped.
A. S.

I rather like this Not sure how you could improve it, it's too short for editing. Nice and simple as it is.

I like this poem. Perhaps it is what a gray cloud feels like, because everyone hates them. Your word choise is also superb. Well done! However it does need some more substance, another stanza perhaps, but not too much, or you'll lose the meaning!

icanbefixed wrote:Small, gray cloud
innocent, lethargic.
It sits and looks
a sullen gray
pitiful and sad.
All alone, no friends.
A small, gray cloud.

Okay so this poem is very short, and you repeat the word grey three times, so that second one you might want to change to something else .

~Hope

Pecan!

So I agree with the first reviewer. Poems, as with stories, do have characters! Your narrators! Who is your narrator here? Do you know?

It sounds like a child, but then they use 'lethargic.' I think you should keep it childish. It makes more sense because, well, would an adult talk about a lonely cloud? Not likely.

I can see this poem is about imagery, but it also has a story in it! Of course anyone can see the parallel between this and, perhaps, a child? Or a person, whichever. I think you picked an awesome subject for this extended metaphor poem!

Keep writing!

Classy