It's My Turn Now.

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It's My Turn Now.
I was marked for failure
Got told that it was mine
It's their turn now
But I'm gonna show them
Just how far I can go...
Cause it's my turn now

Got told that I wasn't worth it
I said that you were full of shit
Added that you shouldn't throw a fit
Said that it wasn't right to hit

Got told that I was a failure
Didn't believe a word that was said
Just thought that I'd do my best
Never thought I'd get so far

I wasn't marked for success
Got told I didn't deserve it
It may be your turn just now
But I know I'm worth it
So I'm gonna show you
It's my turn now

Got told that I'd never make it
Got told that you gotta fake it
Said I'd show you my worth
Cause it's my turn now
"With friends like you, who needs a medical license?"
- Paimon, Aether's Heart


“It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.”
- Grace Hopper.




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Well done. I liked this. It seemed kind of personal... enough. BUt a suggestion would to be to make it more... detailed? Accurate? Whatever the case - awesomeness.

Fly On,
Hero




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Nice. Feels really close to life. But yeah, like hero suggested, more detail please!
Repensum est canicula.

Veni, vidi, nates calce concidi!




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Thank you for the reviews, guys. Can I just say that when you read my poems, they are usually meant to be how they are... Sometimes. Anyways. Thank you again for the reviews.

~Scarlett.
"With friends like you, who needs a medical license?"
- Paimon, Aether's Heart


“It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.”
- Grace Hopper.




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It is a really good poem, and has a good use of repetition which can be quite hard to use, and is often a bit of a wrisk. The topic you chose to center it around was Quite origonal, and it had a nice flow and rythem. I can't really think of any criticism, exept for that even though repetion can make a nice effect, don't overuse it.




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I like it. Maybe that's because I can relate to what you are saying in the poem. What exactly did you get marked as a failure for? and who is calling you a failure? Secondly, How did you show the person that you succeeded? I think that you did a good job with the rhythm of the poem. As a reader I would love to have more back round.




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Hi Scarlett!

This was very nice. It was strong in all areas, but there was one minor thing that I didn't like. It had to deal with a line that you repeat several times throughout the poem:

Got told that it was mine


You don't have a subject for the verb here in this sentence. Basically, who or what did the action happen to? Even though it's obvious because of this in first person, it's still grammatically correct to specify.

-
Otherwise, another nice job! Thanks for letting me read your poem.

-Elinor

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney




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Hey! It's MV, or you could call me Sarah, but whatever works really :wink: anyways, onto the review :D
This poem was fairly good, it had a beat that worked and made the reader keep reading. I think one of the reasons that I liked it so much, and why a lot of people like it a lot as well, is because it's relatable, because a lot of us-me included- have had people tell us that we can't do something.
There's really only one thing I can think for you to improve.

ScarlettFire wrote:I was marked for failure
Got told that it was mine
It's their turn now

:arrow: In this stanza the phrase "Got told that it was mine" is kind of hard to understand what you mean by "mine". I'm assuming this is a reference to failure? It's a little unclear, so I had to re-read it a couple times (hehe call me slow).

:arrow: The other thing is the phrase "It's their turn now" and I think I got this, but I'm not sure. Did you mean it's their turn to fail or their turn to be told they'll fail?
I'm sorry if I sound incredibly stupid

Keep writing!
~MV
I realized that I said I'd be gone for only two weeks...but I was gone for much longer.I hope to stay on this time. :)




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Thanks for the reviews guys.

MV: It's their turn to shine, that's what I meant. Sorry for any confusion!

Elinor: I guess I should add "I" to those "Got told that it was mine" lines. :)

Thanks again for the reviews.

~Scarlett.
Last edited by ScarlettFire on Sun Apr 11, 2010 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"With friends like you, who needs a medical license?"
- Paimon, Aether's Heart


“It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.”
- Grace Hopper.




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I really like this poem. Especially the bit that rhymed...because it was about someone striving for something. And i think its awesome. :D
Dont tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.

Anton Chekov




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So in your face.
love how intense it is for sure.
I like the fast pace and beat as well.
I hope I can learn to emanate that in my own work some day.
:)
"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."
-Plato




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Bravo Scarlett! I like the poem. That could be a life poem for many. Keep it goin chicka!
Life is what's left when everything is taken from you.



"Cowards die many times before their deaths; but the valiant will never taste of death but once."
— Julius Caesar