im not so sure about this poem

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Gender Female
Points 2046
Reviews 5
i like it, but don't. it's a love/hate relationship i have with it.

- unfinished. advice to continue futhur would be lovely. because i feel that this poem can brew into something beautiful.

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vapid creature, dispassionate, reserved,
emotionless, emotional, delirious, sane,
devoid, asphyxiated in tears i mourn,
the loss of humanity, normality, immunity.
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fraudulant being, honest prescence,
anemic stranger, concealed thoughts,
eyes of wisdom, eyes of purity,
the loss of humanity, normality, immunity.
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lackadiascal emotions, uncontrollaably imperiled,
endangered of the reflections, ivory stained,
bruised and rippled flaws stream,
illusions become humanity, normality, immunity.




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Gender Female
Points 4815
Reviews 45
I think it's a wonderful poem. It sound like you're describing the flaws of humanity in a way. But if you were to continue, say something about hidden truths or lies. Or maybe unknown emotions. But, that's me and it's your poem. I think you should continue. :3
And I vow oath to this creed and all who are within it, to protect and value them all.
-Altorian Guard Recruit Ceremony




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 2596
Reviews 26
I really like the vivid descriptions and the brutal honesty of the words. It is like a void that has become part of everyday life that nothing but what was previously there can fill. I also agree with Quetseli you should continue, it's a very beautiful poem. I wish I could write poems like that. :D




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Points 1153
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This poem is so beautiful, it really speaks out about how different we can feel. I love your word choices! This sounds like the words of someone, who someone close to them has died or betrayed them. i hope you write more, you're amazing!



More than anything she wanted the world to be uncomplicated, for right and wrong to be as easily divided as the black and white sections of an Oreo. But the world was not a cookie.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Tree of Wishes