The pen's work

The pen hits the paper
Gently and daintily
Writing the words
Of a little girl's heart.
It roams the lines
As above tears fall
Smearing the words
Of the pen's work.

Awww...this is a really sweet poem. I presume you are writing about your self here? But, the poem could have been made a little longer and giving us a little more meaning in it.

Mistakes

The pen hits the paper
Gently and daintily
Writing the words
Of a little girl's heart.
It roams roam (You write roams when the sentence is "It roams the line) the lines
As above tears fall (It's better to write, "As tears fall for above")
Smearing the words
Of the pen's work.

Overall

As I've said above, the poem would have been a little more interesting if you had elaborated and written more after this, because, to me the poem seems to end a bit abruptly. You have not written why the little girl was crying while she wrote that. Why tears were falling. IF you had written that, the poem would have been even better.

Well, hope to read more poems from you.

Good luck.

Its short, so there won't be much to say.
I'd love for this to get a setting and place and a story.
If you add those 2 with this you could definitely make an awesome poem. Like where the setting has meaning and the story too and then you have the underlying message. You catch my drift?

Now this on it's own is okay. I like the sentiment and the simplicity. There is nothing wrong with this other than the fact that it leaves a lot to be desired.
Such as giving more meaning and Ideas and imagry to it.
Feel free to ignore me.

This poem completely took me by surprise. When I was reading the first few lines I was thinking to myself - "Ugh I have heard this same poem so many times before!". But then the last two lines came chugging along like a freight train, and they just hit me with full force. Such creativity, such originality, this poem is so simple, yet so deep and brilliant. Bravo/Brava

Thankyou so much... this was actually an anssignment....then again i did it on my own free will...but i had the subject picked for me...and the word i was write about was simply..'pen' so this is what i came up with...but thankyou...!:)

Hi girl! I'm Kat, and I'll be reviewing, okay? ^.^

As everyone has mentioned above, development on this would do wonders. Sometimes, it's good to add some more to the poem. A Ed mentioned, setting and description would be a good option. Also, this is a theme I believe we all can relate to, here, on YWS. I surely can, since I have written words to get it all out of my chest. But at this point, I can't feel anything coming from the poem. This could be something that made me teary, that would say to me 'Hey, you've been through that!' and that I could believe it.

Right now, I know nothing of this girl, neither of what she writes, or what led her to write or how she feels while she's writing. Is it relieving? Does it calm her? Those are just examples of things you could add to the poem.

So, good luck and thanks for posting!
- Kat

Hello there.

I like that you're centering the poem around the pen, and not the girl or her feelings, yet even so you still manage to tell us about her.

Of course, there's nothing that can't use a little fixing.

For once, I'd suggest that since you've got some punctuation in there (periods) you may want to add commas and such to the rest.

Also, the line about "as above tears fall," that sounds really awkward. You could change it to "as tears fall down" or "tears fall from above."

I also agree with what's been said that I want to know a bit more about the girl and why she's so upset. Also, this isn't really necessary, but a good twist might be to describe how the pen feels about its work being smudged.

This is a good idea and I enjoyed reading.

Keep writing!
Vanadis

That's a really nice poem. However, just like the comments before, it is a little too short. I'm not going to say a lot, because I'm new to Young Writers Society.

Once again i see where the changes could be....thanx for the encouragements also... and of corse i will keep writing =P

Like Eddie said, I like the sentiment. Any writer can relate to the beginning of this piece in one way or another.
Now, personally I don't want to say there's a problem with the length necessarily. The problem is that you introduce an emotion that we can't understand. You can leave this the same length if you'd like to, but what you would need to do is cut out the part about her tears because how can we care about something we know nothing about? I think the emotion you should represent here is one connected to the writing itself. How does the writing make her feel? Because that we can connect to in the short amount of space you have for this poem.
But, if the point of this poem was more about her tears, and the reason behind them, then a little background is essential, just a way for us to connect with the girl. Short poems are often more easily forgettable than others; don't make it easier on us.