Spectrum of Adulation

Spectrum of Adulation

Red.
Raining.
Render me weak.
Real love is injustice or pleasure’s peak?

Blue.
Blistering.
Bleeding in despair.
Blessing in disguise or eternal scare?

Green.
Gripping.
Grudge that grows.
Greed to be loved or resent to foes?

Black –
Beautiful?
Blatantly false.
Brook of iniquity where love flows.

I'm not the best at critiquing poetry, but I'll give it a shot.

Real love is injustice or pleasure’s peak? That question mark doesn't seem right. I can see that it is supposed to be a question, but I'm not sure it's worded correctly.

I liked how you used the colors to help convey the messages. I really liked this poem.
I hope I was of some help.
Keep writing.

bailecielo wrote:Spectrum of Adulation

Red. Terrible opening. What's so interesting about red? It's a color, sure, we all know what it looks like, so why should I continue reading. Poetry has been recently raped by the teenage genre; I call it selfish poetry. You (as in most beginning teenage poets) think that poetry is about releasing your emotions, a catharsis of sorts, amirite? Here's the problem: readers don't care about your problems, or your life, or your sadness. Instead, they want to find some profound way of though portrayed through a daring use of form, diction, and style. Right now, you're lacking in all three. Move past using color tags to invoke emotion. Yes red=passion, blue=depression, black=night/evil/death, green=envy. We all know this, it isn't profound! Next time you want to use a color to invoke emotion, instead, do the opposite, use emotional trigger words to denote color. "Flopping with a fishy grin/ into the sea I fall." See? That denotes green (through both the fishy flesh, and the sea) as well as blue for the sea. You need to take a step back, read some fantastic poetry, and then analyze why it's perfect. Nine times out of Ten it's because they don't rely on color imagery, but instead use it as an addition to their already flawless metaphorical content.
Raining.
Render me weak.
Real love is injustice or pleasure’s peak?
What was the rest of this? There's just, nothing here. No reason for me to read at all actually. It's boring, trite, I don't care about your rhetorical questions.
Blue.
Blistering.
Bleeding in despair.
Blessing in disguise or eternal scare?

Green.
Gripping.
Grudge that grows.
Greed to be loved or resent to foes?

Black –
Beautiful?
Blatantly false.
Brook of iniquity where love flows.

I was going to critique the rest of this, but really there's no point, you continued on the same path as before. Read my comment in red, and apply them to the rest of this. Also, "Brook of iniquity where love flows?" That's so dreadfully cliche. Love is abstract, what is it? Show me what love is, define it with concrete thought. Flowing? Well of course it flows, it's in a brook, you're just being redundant for the sake of cadence.

W. O. W.

What an awesome poem! I really enjoyed this, and when I read it out loud, I was pleasantly surprised by the excellent flow: you've got the balance of syllables and lines just right!

I wasn't entirely sure what the "Spectrum of Adulation" was, but I still loved the poem. I think Plath in the works was totally wrong to leave such negative comments, especially as he is a new member. I loved it - maybe taste matures the longer you are on here?!

Keep writing - this was truly excellent.

Pgsgirl x

Awesome words here my friend. A very cool rhythm structure here as well. I like the title and-

Brook of iniquity where love flows.

Awesome last line.

The rhythm of this poem is fun, and basically demands that you read through following a strict meter. I found myself more entertained by the "bouncy" way the stanzas read together than I was by the intentions driving them. Fun read.

I agree....that it is very demanding in reading it....
It is interesting, yet simple, and fun to read...
You kinda have to catch up with the rhythm of it...
But it makes it to where you have to finish it...
Good job...
Keep up the good work..