More than the world

Wow. This is a really cool poem - great job!!

Just one little thing - punctuation.

Make sure you add a comma at the end of each line, to give your reader a chance to breathe. Even if you are continuing the sentence, make sure to punctuate it. A good way to check is by reading it aloud!

Other than that, great job!

Keep writing!

Pgsgirl x

Hi.
I agree that you need some commas, but I also think breaking it into stanzas will help.

I also think it will flow better if you change this.

babygirl12 wrote:You're more than the world
You're way beyond it
You're my shooting star
You're my comet.

I think the second "you're" is unneccessary.
You're more than the world,
way beyond it.
You're my shooting star,
my comet.

babygirl12 wrote: Though its dark at times

Apostrophe in it's

babygirl12 wrote:Thats why I have you

Apostrophe in that's

Other than these typos, it is fairly well written.

-McMourning

Thankyou...
and ...yaah...
I know my punctuation and stuff isn't the best...
but thankyou for the compliment.

awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey tosha finally got on huh?? heehee!! thanks for the comment...

This is the BEST 1 I've read all day: ) You got good work !!!

here is 1 of mine.

Kiss me again,

With your soft lips.

hold my hand,

With your fingertips.

look me in the eyes,

I love how they glow.

like stars in the sky,

Twinkling like so.

come with me,

Away for a walk.

to the tree,

Where we can talk.

i picked these flowers,

Your favorite ones.

today love is ours,

if love was weight I'd love you tons



by Rainbow Mountain 7-30-2009

babygirl12 wrote:
You take this ordinary girl
Shy and alone sometimes
You make it easy for her
To step out into the world.
Though its dark at times
Thats why I have you
To brighten my life.

I like these lines because it makes it sound like the person does have a very special connection with the shy girl. How else could she be able to go outside her little shell?
"Though its dark at time" it seems like the girl has a rough life but, "To brighten my life" that must mean that, that person really does have a great effect on this girl.
Good job and keep writing, cause you're really good at it.

Thanks, And yaah that guy does have a great effect on the girl...
but thanks for all of the comments ...
and Bowolves thats nice...you should post it if you havent already...