can't get over you!

If only you could see me this way...
Then maybe you'd sense how tormented I am now..
How pressured I am with your look..
Your voice echoes inside my room of a box...
Hitting my mind with every bounce.
My things are reclining.
I am starting to doubt you...
To question you...
Do you love me still?
If not
then why not let me go?
then why not set me free?
You are selfish... selfish indeed.
Selfish to not let me love someone else...
My heart is bound to you..
effortlessly...
still...
yet...
I don't love you the way I did before.
More? Less? I really can't tell..
It's all contrasting...
confusing...
One moment... I love you...
The next moment... I don't...
Then I'll secretly hate you...
But then I secretly want you...
In the end I come back to loving you... again...
Not a minute will pass without you occupying half of it...
How could you be this powerful?
How could you be this consistent?
How could you run through my mind always without getting tired?
How could you make me write a thousand letters...
a thousand poems about you?
How could you be this powerful?
How could you take over me like this?
How could you make me love you this way?
Despite all...
Despite all...
I just love you...

This is a really good poem,
I like it. then again I like alot of things...hehe
starred it...
Keep up the good work..=)

Hi there!
Quite a nice poem! I enjoyed it.

The biggest thing that bothered me: The abuse of the ellipsis (the ...)
I don't really mind it in poetry but it was quite abused in this poem.
An ellipsis means that you are trailing off in what you are saying, it does not mean you are pausing. Which is a common mistake. Have your reader trail off hacks up the flow!

So biggest tip: Use the ellipsis moderately or not at all!

Hope this helps

Kamas

babygirl12 wrote:This is a really good poem,
I like it. then again I like alot of things...hehe
starred it...
Keep up the good work..=)

thank you so much. have a nice day!

Kamas wrote:Hi there!
Quite a nice poem! I enjoyed it.

The biggest thing that bothered me: The abuse of the ellipsis (the ...)
I don't really mind it in poetry but it was quite abused in this poem.
An ellipsis means that you are trailing off in what you are saying, it does not mean you are pausing. Which is a common mistake. Have your reader trail off hacks up the flow!

So biggest tip: Use the ellipsis moderately or not at all!

Hope this helps

Kamas

ok don't worry next time i'll try to apply your advice. thank you so much!

Hi! your poem is so cool! though it became pretty ruffled at times.

I felt that you used too many ellipsis, which pushed the poem off the track. and if you start working on your rhythm, then your next poems will turn out to be even better.

although it had some inherent errors,i found your poem to be a beautiful meld of emotions which turned out to be fair reading.

My heart is bound to you..
effortlessly...

This was my favorite line in the poem.

this piece of work of yours really shows how hard you've worked on your poem...
Keep it up!

Your poem is really neat, I especially liked the layout because it made it a little more exciting to read. Although I wasn't a fan of the surplus of the "..."
I like it though. It gets a nice message across.

thank you!

I loved this poem, it was really good. I liked how you didn't have to repeat yourself to get your point across. This poem was amazing, and i think you are a great writer...keep writing...
ShadowPrincess