"Silly Attraction"

Hi silly!!
YOur poem is nice, it has potential but i still think it can be better. There were times when the flow was interrupted, and sometimes your rhyme sounded a little bit too forced, and that makes a poem sound quiet bad, because the rhyme doesn't help the poem.

I think I might have to make an adaptation.
And hope you'll treat my heart like a valuable artifact.
It's a strange thing, this silly attraction.

I personally dind't quite like the fact that each stanza finished with two of the verses of the first stanza. It's just me though and don't worry because it makes the poem look different.

Sorry, for such a little post, but I'm running out of time.

Pudin

Hi Suzie. I'm Jas and I'll be your reviewer this evening.

You stay within the constraints of the form very well. First, I'm going to look at what's on the page in its own right. So, doing this I would take the final stanza and read it aloud. You'll see that it doesn't quite gel with the rest of the poem. Maybe change it to something like;
"You are such a huge distraction.
I wish I could stop getting so sidetracked."
In itself there's nothing that I can see majorly wrong with this other than that, but I think you could write this piece more powerfully if you took a different approach.

Ok. Now I'm going to look at what you're saying. Since this is a love poem, I'd use more imagery and details specific to your speaker. Since love poetry is so common it's more difficult to write. I'd forget the heart. What are the actual realities of it? Forget butterflies and lightheadedness etc. What does this person do? Why are they special? What does your speaker do? Forget cliche and look at what your speaker really thinks.

And finally, I'm going to look at your choice of form. I'd suggest that you read "One Art" by Elizabeth Bishop, and "Do Not Go Gentle Into The Good Night", by Dylan Thomas. Then think about why they used the vilanelle. Then think about why you are using the villanelle, and how you could further use the villanelle to mirror your theme. For example, could you use it to suggest specific obsession on your speaker's part?

Hope this helps.

Jas

Ps: As a side note, this is just me being finicky...but I found the blue a little distracting. I'd stay away from colour unless you specifically need it to enhance what you're saying. But that's just my personal taste.

Hey there.

I do like the idea behind the rhyme scheme, but it does seem a bit overwhelming at times. Some of them seem a little forced, and the rhythm is knocked off a bit. It all made me stumble through it the first few times.

The whole thing did make me smile though, I like the repitition of that line - "It's a strange thing, this silly attraction."

"I think I have to make an adaption;" This was an interesting line too.

I'd say something like this requires an immense amount of time and effort to pull off, so I commend you for how well it's turned out so far.

Nice, simple, and Great.
I like this, alot.
Its really good.
Keep up the good work:)