Pain gained, Love lost

Hi there! I haven't seen you around before, so welcome to YWS.

First of all, don't use unnecessary ellipses. (I think that's what they're called? If not, it's these: ... ) The line breaks will provide enough of a pause, so you don't need any added effect. It just makes the poem look and feel clunkier.

The feeling of a knife ....Corseting my skin....As the blood slowly ....Runs down my skin.....

Alright, so there are several problems here. You use "skin" twice and too close together. It sounds really odd. Perhaps change the second one to flesh? The other problem is that previously in your piece, you spoke in past tense. Here, you change to first. Stay consistant.
On the plus side, I like the word "corseting". Not sure if you're using it correctly, and I don't feel inclined to look it up. Anyway, it provides a good image.

The pain is unreal....But it’s the only pain ....That I can control in....This so called life of mine.....

So-called. Just add the hyphen in. Also, I don't really like how this is worded, but I'm not sure what you can do to change that.

But it’s a relief of stress...

I think you meant "release from" instead of relief of...

The scares on my body ....

Scars?


So. There's potential here, but it's lost in your choppy line breaks. A poem should flow nicely, but yours sort of crashes from one line to the next. One of the main problems with that is that I can't really tell where your sentences begin and end. Grammar is key if you want people to understand what you're saying. Fortunately, that's easy to sort out.
I'm not sure if this next point is going to make sense... You have an idea here, but the way in which you present it is sort of amateur-ish. Play around with it. Read some poetry (I'd recommend Edgar Allen Poe for you, but find some other poets that you like; poets.com is a good place to search). Find a style that you like, or create your own. In time, you'll discover different ways to say the same thing. Use some metaphores and similes.

I'm not sure how helpful I've been... If you have any questions, or want another review, PM me.

Poem here to review ^^

Lets see, this poem is good, but not that original. I don't really see why you have the "..." at the end of every line. It makes no sense. Maybe you were trying to use it for structure? Usually the ellipsis is used to indicate a pause, but since it is at the end of a line. people usually pause anyway. I say you get rid of most of them, and use other punctuation. Like so:

The love I lost,
Never felt as bad as
The pain I gained
From losing you.

The feeling of a knife,
Corseting my skin
As the blood slowly
Runs down my skin.

The pain is unreal,
But it’s the only pain
That I can control in
This so called life of mine.

It’s not an escape,
But it’s a relief of stress
From my life
That apparently I’ve messed up.

The scares on my body,
Are there for everyone to see
To figure out what I have
Been doing to myself.

The corseting feeling,
Of the knife on my skin,
Blood slowly flowing down;
My skin.

Or something like this anyway. you also might want to be more descriptive. What does that person see while she's doing this? Memories? Does she feel any pain? You have to be more descriptive.

Now I'm going to go through each stanza:

The love I lost,
Never felt as bad as
The pain I gained
From losing you.

I think that this stanza is the best.

The feeling of a knife,
Corseting my skin
As the blood slowly
Runs down my skin.

You say skin twice here, and it makes it awkward to read. try changing that. Also this stanza is very similar to that last one. I'm not sure if that was on purpose or not. If not, I think you will do fine with one or the other.

The pain is unreal,
But it’s the only pain
That I can control in
This so called life of mine.

I liked this stanza quite a bit.

It’s not an escape,
But it’s a relief of stress
From my life
That apparently I’ve messed up.

I would get rid of the "it's" in the second line, and "apparently" in the last.

The scares on my body,
Are there for everyone to see
To figure out what I have
Been doing to myself.

"Scares" should be "Scars". I would change "Figure out" to "know". I also think that it would flow better if "I have" is "I've".

The corseting feeling,
Of the knife on my skin,
Blood slowly flowing down;
My skin.[/

Again, this stanza is very similar as the one mentioned above. I believe that the last stanza should be different from the rest, and stand out somehow. that is why I changed up the punctuation here. You also say "skin" too often.

Hope I helped!
If you have any questions PM me!
~Poem

Wow its powerful. Its good. But its depressing in a way.
But other than that its really good.
Keep it up.

OK
So I love your style... it's totally me!
It's intrinsically good, but don't overdo the ellipses, it's a little melodramatic and confusing.
Apart from that, it's great!
Keep writing!
Pgsgirl x

I loved your poem!
It was the most amazing poem that i've read in a long time,
It was vaguely depressing but i liked it all the same,
Keep writing!

Hello, hello. Nice to meet ya.

First of all, I would suggest you change the title. The title shouts out cliche to the reader. Pain gained, Love lost. It automatically registers an angsty, despairing love poem. Perhaps a subtler title would not only interest your readers more but also add to the allure of the poem.

Next, your punctuation marks are terrible dear. You certainly do not... converse like... this... do you? Do you see how very choppy it makes everything sound. The reader automatically pauses long when they see ellipses. It throws the rhythm of this poem off, it destroys any atmosphere this could have conveyed and overall it wrecks this poem. Don't put punctuation marks that diminish a poem's beauty. Punctuation marks can be used powerfully in poems, experiment with that. Don't pepper everything with ...

Another thing is, this idea is nothing new. I understand the depths of the feelings you wish to convey. Indeed, it is difficult to review with utter honesty a piece like this one. So obviously an artwork that paints the artist's heart. However, you cannot simply tell us how you feel in such bland and cliched words as you did here. There is nothing new about angst turning into physical torment to yourself (though it is no less a graver issue) so present it to us originally. You need stronger words and stronger phrasings for describing the pain you feel or the feel of the blade easing into skin. Does that make sense? Sorry, if I'm messy.

I would also like to say, that despite all that I've said above, I can relate to this poem. That speaks much of the depth of this poem and I know that you can explore it further and make this better. Good luck, my friend. I wish you the best.

--Knightly