So, Alohajuice, I really like what you did here. The rhyming works well, and it doesn't sound forced, which is the most important thing. The poem also stayed in topic, which is sometimes hard to achieve in rhyming poems, since you always have to make it rhyme.
Have a strawberry
Picked in the day
Cry and pray all the while
Feeling free and gay
Come what may
This last stanza is the only one I had issues with. Sure, it carries on the basic theme, but the third line really breaks the feeling of the pretty flow and rhythm of the whole poem, not just this one stanza. Of course, if you think about it, it might be a clever hint of that there's more to this poem than just the rhymes, which is of course true, but it can be noticed without the odd one out in the end.
I'm having a hard time on figuring out my favourite part of the poem, since there are more than one.
Have 1,2,3 or 4
In the folly
Ask for more
This is one of them, it's so sweet. =) Although, you have space between the numbers and the commas.
I also like the second to last stanza. Everything about it is very decent, and I enjoyed reading it.
I'm sorry I don't have anything more constructive to say about the poem, but this was a pleasant read on a rainy day (only theoretically, since it isn't actually raining).
PM me for any questions!
Demeter
xxx
"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit
"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style
To have more, you have to become more. Don't wish it was easier - wish you were better. For things to change, you have to change, and for things to get better, you have to get better. — Jim Rohn
