Young Writers Society

I think I’ve given a part of myself away today.
I think I’ve sold my (what-ever) soul.
I think that I am very sensitive right now.

You know this.
My mind is open to you.

I didn’t understand why I pushed her away today until the quiet set in.
Until I felt the pull.
That I’ve given myself (such a small part of myself, but a part) to someone. To ‘the public’.
Something they will and can dissect and dismiss and (sometimes, maybe) delight in.

So I know why I pulled away.

Because I feel like I am no longer mine to give. I AM no longer. I am a possession on the wall to be bought.

This is my confession to you.
That through all my love for this, I am repulsed.
That pieces of me are on display, are up for sale.
That they will be auctioned and bartered and sold like

Trinkets at a garage sale.

I pushed her away because I can feel myself on those walls,
Staring down on an empty space (sometimes an empty space, usually an empty space, but filled with that certainty that it will be filled).
And I feel—I felt in that moment that I was another flat painting on the wall to be admired
(or whatever)
That I’m scared of being something besides myself,
Scared of belonging to or for something so much.

That it breaks.

The structure was a little weird... but anyway, I liked the way you wrote it. The parentheses really added to it all. It confused me a bit until I reminded myself of the title. Nice job.

I agree that the structure was a little weird, but I enjoyed it. Nicely done.

We've got a third vote for the odd structure, but I've seen odder. Besides, it was a good read.

I 4th that weird/odd structure...though very enjoying...cause you have to read it really slowly or more than once to get what you are really saying.

5th for structure, but this was good.
Here's some crit

I think I’ve given a part of myself away today.
I think I’ve sold my (what-ever) soul.
I think that I am very sensitive right now.

Good first line, but you don't need to repeat 'I think' in the second line. Try saying 'That I've sold my (what-ever) soul' after the first line. I don't understand the 'what-ever' but it probably means something to you. I did not like the third line though. It just sounds... strange and it is not worded well. How about just saying 'I am sensitive'. The 'right now' and the 'I think' take away from the stanza

You know this.
My mind is open to you.

This is interesting and good, but I suggest you reword the second line. Perhaps, 'You can see into my mind.'

I didn’t understand why I pushed her away today until the quiet set in.
Until I felt the pull.
That I’ve given myself (such a small part of myself, but a part) to someone. To ‘the public’.
Something they will and can dissect and dismiss and (sometimes, maybe) delight in.

This was really beautiful. After someone in the first line there should be a comma instead of a period, but other than that, this was great!

So I know why I pulled away.

Because I feel like I am no longer mine to give. I AM no longer. I am a possession on the wall to be bought.

Awesome

This is my confession to you.
That through all my love for this, I am repulsed.
That pieces of me are on display, are up for sale.
That they will be auctioned and bartered and sold like

Trinkets at a garage sale

This was really great, but the 'that' in the 4th and 5th lines bothered me. I think you can just start with the word after the 'that'

I pushed her away because I can feel myself on those walls,
Staring down on an empty space (sometimes an empty space, usually an empty space, but filled with that certainty that it will be filled).
And I feel—I felt in that moment that I was another flat painting on the wall to be admired
(or whatever)
That I’m scared of being something besides myself,
Scared of belonging to or for something so much.

I didn't understand the 'for' before the something in the last line, but other than, that I loved this.

That it breaks.

Strong, powerful ending

This was really great. There were just a few things that bothered me, but other than those, this was awesome! Nice Job! Keep writing!

Um...Lordy. Yea, um, all my own critiques were taken by Writersdomain. Just wording things, but...sometimes i don't think i should read poetry by my friends. It's both a beautiful lightning insight, and a sledgehammer to the head. I don't know whether to say I love you, or I'm sorry.