Young Writers Society

“Retrograde”

Shadows are thrown onto the rocky path
Stretching, sinewy shadows that play with muted stones
They are the animated corpses of the sun’s wrath
Casts of nature’s bare and ravaged bones

Their spiny fingers consort as their spirits soar
Yet they have played their dark games all along
Flirting before our eyes forever and before
They mock and tease with their silent song

Bodies are thrown into the swelling sea
Upon shattered shores they leap
They cannot see the burning sky, black clouds as debris
No, they can only thrash about in endless sleep

They are scattered about, caressed by cold fingers
The shadows laugh and scratch at the self-destruction
Their guilty hands stop and act as sepulchers
They now cry at the all-inclusive death induction

When did their warning come?
They could not simply live below the dancing shade
Conforming to violent fantasies, irrevocably numb
Futile dreams could not prevent this deathly retrograde

I really liked this. Very descriptive and powerful. Here's some crit

Shadows are thrown onto the rocky path
Stretching, sinewy shadows that play with muted stones
They are the animated corpses of the sun’s wrath
Casts of nature’s bare and ravaged bones

I really loved this stanza, very wel-done. I especially liked the last line.

Their spiny fingers consort as their spirits soar
Yet they have played their dark games all along
Flirting before our eyes forever and before
They mock and tease with their silent song

This was good, but in the third line, I didn't like the usage of the word 'flirt'.

Bodies are thrown into the swelling sea
Upon shattered shores they leap
They cannot see the burning sky, black clouds as debris
No, they can only thrash about in endless sleep

Very nice

They are scattered about, caressed by cold fingers
The shadows laugh and scratch at the self-destruction
Their guilty hands stop and act as sepulchers
They now cry at the all-inclusive death induction

I enjoyed this stanza, but I think instead of using 'cold fingers', that 'icy fingers' sounds more chilling. Also, I suggest that you take out the 'the' in the second line and just start with 'shadows'

When did their warning come?
They could not simply live below the dancing shade
Conforming to violent fantasies, irrevocably numb
Futile dreams could not prevent this deathly retrograde

Your ending is powerful and well-written. All in all, I loved this poem. Awesome job!

Great, especially the ending. I like the concept and the rich description. Only suggestion would be to either take out or change the "No," in the third stanza. It doesn't seemt to fit. Good work though.