Winter Dust

I'm sitting at my window watching the snow fall. Just let the words come to me.
I haven't even read through this yet, haha. Don't mind if you guys tear it to shreds


Drifting
Down,
Floating.
Flying.

Swirls
and
Twirls
Through
Cold
Air

Setting
Softly
Atop
The
Roof

Sticking
To
the
Window
Sill

Looking
Up
At
the
Sky,
The
Unseen
Force

It
Stops.

All
Is
Still
Outside
The
World

No
Trace
Of
Winter
Dust

I
Pull
Back
the
Curtain,
Despondent

And
A
Single
Flake
Falls

hello,
Its interesting though the main problem is that the syllables don't match up. There's no flow to the poem. Just a bunch of words about snow falling...which is ok I guess, the "rules" of poetry aren't very definite. Also,

Drifting
Down,
Floating.
Flying

Why is there a period after floating? Should it be a comma?

It
Stops.

Of course, I don't think there's anything neccessarily wrong with having a poem with quartets and one lonely couplet but for unity I would somehow make "It stops" a quartet too. That may be just me.

But anyway, randomly writing poems is fun. Lucky you that you have snow (Over where I'm at, we haven't gotten a true snowfall yet)

That is a sweet poem. It is a about winter rite?
I thought it was good but I think it would be better if you would add some more color, and your feelings to it. Share us are you happy about winter or you don't like the season? Still good job keep on writing!

I like how you make us read it. We read down instead from left to right. The words and your eyes fall down the page along with the imagery of falling snow.

Tear it to shreds? looks like you have done that yourself this thing is so choppy. The choppiness is a unique style that is used in many famous poems such as this, but I am not sure where you were going with this, the poem doesn't seem to have a hidden meaning that I could find but this some work could make this a very neat poem I would recommend working off of the line "An a single flake falls" spring any meaning from that line that you can and you could make a really neat poem. Or if meaning meaning is not what you are aiming for, prolong the journey of the flake, involving the clouds around it, other flakes, the ground beneath it, and many other details. I am not going to tear this up, but I think it would be better if you build this up. Good luck and happy writing.

I like it. I like the variety of large words. I like an expanded vocabulary. Snowflakes are such a wonderful thing to write about

Thanks to you all for reveiwing this

And hurray for jMin! You figured out why I wrote it like that


*anti-pop

I think that this poem is good because although it has no syllable pattern, it's could represent the fact that there is no set speed to the snow falling.

I think this is cleverly done and the way in which it has been set up is clever well thought out! I like a lot x

It was good. I liked it. But maybe you could make it a little harder. I mean put some more life into it.

Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous! You're a great poet, you know that?

Drifting

Down,

Floating.

Flying

The full stop after "Floating" is a bit awkward with the "Flying" straight after. I think that you wouldn't want to connect it to the first three because it's not exactly the same thing, so how about a full stop after "Flying" as well?

Looking

Up

At

the

Sky,

The

Unseen

Force

This is a bit jerky. You're looking at the sky and then you switch to abstract description. Not sure about that. Perhaps change the comma to a full stop and move "The Unseen Force" to its own stanza?

And

A

Single

Flake

Falls

You make me so jealous!! I loved it. I loved how you don't delve too much into description, and the line space between words gives it that last touch. The reading down the page and all... love it! Gold star for you!

Okay, enough sucking up.

It gave me a headache rather than making me think of a snowflake falling. It's impossible to read and therefore doesn't really work as a piece of writing. Using structure to mimic the subject of the poem can work, but it hasn't been done here suitably without confusing the reader.

A suggestion is to do shorter and shorter lines each time, if you want to keep the idea of falling.

For example, using your last stanza:


I Pull Back the Curtain,

Desponded And A

Single Flake

Falls


See? Falls ends up on its own and the emphasis is there. It now makes it flow and mimics the act of falling, without preventing the reader from reading it at all.

(As a side-note, desponded should be despondent)

Good luck!

Interesting. I think the real problem here is that there's no rhythm (I have rhythm issues too, though, so I won't penalize you for that too much). You poem looks a little odd, since there's only one word per line. It threw me off a bit.
The stanza:
"It
Stops."
Is so much shorter than the rest of the stanza. It throws off the flow (for lack of a better word).
At least it's snowing where you live. xD

Hey there Anti! June here!

This is great! I thought I had reviewed this already, but I haven't, so here we go.

The whole reading-down thing gives a very dramatic effect here. It's the type of poem I could see in a literature book.

This makes us think. I wish you had touched a little more on how the snow falls. Hypnotize us with your usage of words, just as we would be watching the snow fall.

Firestarter pointed out what I was going to say; so there's no points repeating that .

For a first draft, and no reading through it, it's amazing. You did a great job here.

Keep it up, Anti, good job.


10/10

xxJune