Young Writers Society

My life is complete as long as
you are beside me.
If ever you were to leave me
Id be forever lost in an ocean
of despair.
I would seize to exsist and would fade
into the nothiness inside my forever empty
heart.

You were the one who would lift
me above the troubles of this world
on your wings of love and care.
Who brings smiles to my face when
im on crying and all out out hope
My angel from above sent to help me live
in this empty world.

Nothing could measure up to your greatness
and I can give you nothing in return.
You would simply smile and say
what makes me happy is your still holding on
and that is all i need to be forever yours and to give me your
love forever and forever

I can remember the single tear that fell from my eyes and from
my heart.
It didnt fall far for you were there to catch for me and bring a smile
to my lips as well as your own lips.
I whisperd back, Ill forever be holding on as long as you hold on to me.

It doesnt rhyme, but then again id made it up as i went along...Hope you like

Your grammar was on and off throughout the whole thing and you had some typos.

"I would seize to exsist"

I believe you mean "I would cease to exist."

"Who brings smiles to my face when
im on crying and all out out hope "

What do you mean, you're "on crying"?

"You would simply smile and say
what makes me happy is your still holding on
and that is all i need to be forever yours and to give me your
love forever and forever "

This was a really confusing part. I had to reread it a few times to get what was bein said there. You should do something to let us know that the "you" is talking.

"It didnt fall far for you were there to catch for me and bring a smile
to my lips as well as your own lips. "

Um.. what? There seems to be too many ideas being jammed into one sentence. In fact, the whole last stanza consisted of really long sentences that should be broken apart.

Overall, I didn't like the poem. It seemed really cheesy and it bored and confused me. You seem to have good ideas, but your thoughts aren't always clear when you write it down. Also, it was a bit unoriginal. You should work on it a bit more, and then it should be pretty good.

This poem has potential. The way I see it, it is over-written. You are spoon feeding your reader what you mean. That said though, I am of the school of "show it don't tell it" poetry. I disagree with emotion less in that I really like the last stanza, however I think you should re-jig the line breaks.