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blue funk



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531 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 8846
Reviews: 531
Wed May 11, 2005 12:11 am
Caligula's Launderette says...



blue funk

blue funk
-- n : a state of nervous depression

this day, such a hazy day, the grey smog undulating with the blue sky reminds me of this girl. if i knew why it did perhaps life would be so much easier, and i wouldn’t have to be asking all these questions to answer i only dream about. my life wouldn't be such a roadmap, with so many dead ends and wrong turns.

this girl, such a blue girl, the curve of her body undulating with the night as she came upon me, first in waves. her sweet sugary lilac perfume wafting on the slight shivery breeze till it reached my nostrils and breached my interest. she was such a blue girl, or maybe it was the flashing lights of the disco that prompted that thought. when she touched you it was smooth and slow, never hesitant. and her kisses were full of secrets and tasted like summer holidays on the coast and dark cerulean caverns hidden in watery blueholes. sometimes i thought she was a mermaid, only she had two bare feet not a slippery fish tail. but i can dream, and i did. i dreamt she was a blonde busted mermaid in my arms, tinted blue by the sea water that licked her bare skin. and sometime when i’d hold her tight and breathe in her scent and we’d be in a lagoon paradise crafted by my imagination. we danced blue under the fading flashing lights of the discothèque at the end of the world. and all I saw was blue, such a blue, blue girl.

blue boy
blue tears
blue jeans
wrapped around
a blue girl
blue heart
slipping into
their blue funk

waiting for the daylight to trip the blue wires of their existence
Last edited by Caligula's Launderette on Wed May 11, 2005 4:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.
(Due South)

Hatter: Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a very wet dress? (Alice)

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Reviews: 17
Wed May 11, 2005 2:34 am
skeptik_225 says...



wow,,,what can I say? I bet you want constructive critisim but my tanks on empty after reading this. BEAUTIFUL imagery and very specific word choice, I liked that! I love the opening with the definition, very clever and an excellent way to draw the reader in. I'm not sure if I like the way you've arranged the wording or if its confusing but I'd experiment with breaking down the second paragraph down into smaller chunks and see if there's a better effect. I could be wrong and it could be perfect the way it is. Anyways, excellent job, this one will stick in my mind for a long while
  





User avatar
531 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 8846
Reviews: 531
Thu May 12, 2005 3:25 am
Caligula's Launderette says...



thank you dear, I will see what I can do with the second paragraph.

CL
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.
(Due South)

Hatter: Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a very wet dress? (Alice)

Got YWS?
  








u can't have villains exist just 2 b villains
— ShadowVyper