Sorry but I didn't get what this poem was about. It sounded so good at first but then you lost me. So the verdict is good use of words, but if you lose the people that read it, it really doesn't matter what words you use.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Confidence: the feeling a person has before he fully understands the situation.
Yea...what's the theme here? What's the point of this piece? Your diction is good, but unless you have a purpose, the poem is worthless. If it did have a purpose, it wasn't clear enough, and if it didn't, the piece is just a bunch of words on my computer screen.
Other then that, I would suggest not using so many periods. It made the reading very choppy.
Like I said before, it needs work, but you have good diction. Keep writing!
My main project until Script Frenzy is an experiment using blog posts between four characters as episodes of a common story. You can read this work as it progresses at http://knowallchronicles.blogspot.com/.
Same as the others, I can't tell what the theme is. I don't really like it because of that, but if the theme was more clear, then the reader might enjoy it more. The only thing I noticed besides that is a small mistake:
A baby doll dress navy,black and white.
You forgot a space before black, after the comma.
Thats about it,
~Fire
[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard appears "We have weasels now!" [Firearris] 10:45 pm: askes the guard for the weasel! [Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard gives Firearris the Weasel. [Firearris] 10:46 pm: aquires the weasel and renames it "Cat" Take that, Lumi.
Salve. I am SimonCowellLuver and I am hear to say that your little poem here is pretty good matter of fact. But the title i think has nothing to do with the poem. That is the one thing i have to say is make sure the title is a good title for the poem.
Make sure it fits appropiately not just out-of-the-blue kind of title. Sorry to be harsh but i think you should change the title to something that makes sense to the poem.
If you have any questions feel free to PM me anytime.
Have a good day. SimonCowellLuver
3 facts: 1.You can't lick your elbow 2. you just tried it 3. I caught you cause i saw you
It was good. I'm mad that I didn't understand it fully, but I know it had a deep meaning to it because I know how you think. Keep up the good work and your hair is pretty today! You look like a new woman!
Okay first let me start by repeating the same old quote that i hear all the time " The poem is for the writer and maybe one other person and is not meant to be understood in its full form by anyone else."
That being said, I was also lost but it isn't the fact that i didn't fully grasp it that killed me (though being a little better to understand it would have sure helped). What really turned my like of this in to a luke warm pool of "I really don't care either way" was the double talk i think that you spent half of this poem contradicting yourself that isn't to say that is uncommon amongst poets, but it makes the piece harder to enjoy and much harder to love.
On the whole i did like it and i agree that the last line was just thrown in for contrast at the last moment without cause, but i do wanna see this in a wordier and maybe less rushed fashion i really think i would love it.
Okay... this poem had potential, but you described one dress then described another. It seemed very choppy and all over the place. Try to keep it less kryptic though.
Poetry is not my strength, however I am not a great poetry critic ( also I am new) ,but I think its great. Again not any super amazing poet. Good job, (Oh God I am bad at being critical.)
What a weird topic my fellow...
Wished it had rhymed, would have made it more interesting to read.
I don't think that you need to put a period after each sentence, maybea comma would be better. You hear me?
I didn't think that you had a real good thing going on there. What I mean to say is that it didn't really focus on one thing but more like ten? Not so much about a sin, and then what really caught me off guard was the fact that you ended it with someone splattering her dress with what? A can of worms? Where does that come in with sins?
I think that you should work on this a lot more than you did.
Pm me to review it again,
shanan-cat!
"Laugh like no one can hear you, dance like no one is watching, and love like you're going to doe tomorrow." --Unknown
